Principles
by sss979
Summary: How far would YOU go to honor your father? A story of love vs. duty and two separate paths in a quest for righteousness. PG-13 version an NC-17 piece.
1. Prologue

****

PRINCIPLES

How far would YOU go to honor your father? A story of love vs. duty and two separate paths in a quest for righteousness. This is a PG-13 version of a formerly NC-17 piece. If you read it before, there's very little that's changed except for a few deleted scenes and some toning down. 

It was suggested to me that I amend some of my stories so that more people would feel comfortable reading them. LOL Since I have no great love for sex scenes anyhow, I thought that was a great idea. But the rules say I can't have more than one version off any given story on ff.net Soooooo… I'm reposting this story with a PG-13 rating. If you would LIKE to read the NC-17, e-mail me and I will tell you where to find it. It's on my webpage.

This story takes a LOT from the first 2 movies EXCEPT for the ending of the second movie. Shredder is very much alive and human, not mutated into whatever he ended up as. I'll have more to say as the madness goes on, but let's get started, shall we?

Things I don't own:

The turtles, Shredder, Splinter, April, etc. Please don't sue me.

Please review... even flaming is better than nothing...

*PROLOGUE*

__

See the stone set in your eyes  
See the thorn twist in your side  
I wait for you  
  
Sleight of hand and twist of fate  
On a bed of nails she makes me wait  
And I wait without you  
  
With or without you  
With or without you  
  
Through the storm we reach the shore  
You give it all but I want more  
And I'm waiting for you  
  
With or without you  
With or without you  
I can't live  
With or without you  
  
And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away  
  
My hands are tied  
My body bruised, she's got me with  
Nothing to win and  
Nothing left to lose  
  
And you give yourself away  
And you give yourself away  
And you give  
And you give  
And you give yourself away  
  
With or without you  
With or without you  
I can't live  
With or without you

  
-With or Without You

U2

****

LEONARDO:

She wasn't breathing.

She was staring at them with her back pressed against the alley wall, watching their guns, studying their features. I couldn't figure out why she wasn't screaming. Maybe it was because she wasn't breathing. Her entire body was frozen, inside and out. A cool breeze swept past, and her blond, crimped hair rustled across her face. She didn't move. She didn't blink. The fear was evident, although she tried desperately to hide it. A knife glinted. Her eyes sparked, and she looked for a place to run. There was nowhere to go.

She didn't see me. The weapon-wielding men didn't see me, either. They never knew I was there. All they knew was that one second, they were on their feet, backing a girl up to the wall, and the next, they were immersed in a sea of blackness. To my eyes, they were scattered, unconscious, around the alley. I never bothered to unsheathe my _katanas_. The attack was effortless.

Something stopped me from retreating as quickly as I had come. It wasn't the typical desire to find out if she was okay. They hadn't touched her, and I knew she was okay. But something kept me there. Maybe it was the intrigue. Something was different about her, that much was evident.

The woman watched me for a moment, as if she were trying to determine my motive. I wasn't quite sure what to say to her. It seemed inappropriate to offer the usual condolences and concerns. She wasn't hurt, wasn't scared. And even though she appeared to be sizing me up, she knew I wasn't a threat.

I don't know how long we stared at each other. It was long enough to permanently imprint her picture on my subconscience.

She had long blond hair and blue-green eyes. She was tall and thin, probably about seventeen. Tight jeans and a sleeveless T-shirt, both black, showed off her smooth skin. Relaxing her rigid stance, she turned and walked away.

Just like that.

"Hey," I called after her. It didn't seem right to part ways without so much as a word passing between us. She ignored me and continued. "Hey, wait a minute!"

She stopped and turned back to me and I remembered that I didn't know what to say to her. _Great, Leo,_ I thought to myself. _What are you going to do, ask for her to thank you?_

She raised an eyebrow at my silence. I had to say something. "Are you okay?" I stammered.

She turned fully around to face me and crossed her arms over her chest. A knowing smile crossed her face as she leaned to one side. From the look she gave, I could tell she sensed my uneasiness. "Fine," she answered simply, as if she expected me to say something more.

I stood and stared at her, dumbfounded. _Come on, Leo,_ I chastised myself. _Say something! _But I couldn't think of what else to say. It was such an odd situation. On the rare occasion that I had stuck around, I was always thanked profusely. Either that or I would be met with hysterics, in which case I usually left without exchanging words. Occasionally, there would be an unconscious victim. But I'd never confronted anyone like this girl. I didn't need a thank you; she didn't need comfort. So we just stared at each other.

"Anything else?" she finally questioned. It was as if she encountered thugs with guns and knives every time she took a walk in the park. She'd become accustomed to it, and it didn't scare her.

"I mean..." I stammered. Then, the leadership skills took over. There was always something to stay to a student. "You should be more careful," I chastised her. "You could have been hurt."

She cut her eyes to the ground briefly, and smiled broadly as she looked back up at me. She had a beautiful smile. "Is that all?" she questioned.

"I don't know, is it?"

I didn't realize what I'd said until after I'd said it. _What the hell are you doing, Leo? _Flirting _with her?_

For the first time, I felt her inspecting me. She was obvious about it, as if she wanted me to notice. In the dim light, I wasn't sure how much she saw. But I was confident in the security the darkness offered. And she didn't seem shocked. "I should thank you," she stated.

I smiled faintly. I couldn't help it. She wasn't making a realization, she was intruding into my mind and bringing my thoughts into the open. She _should _thank me. Not that I _needed _a thank-you, but it was, after all, the polite thing to do.

"You should," I confirmed.

She bowed slightly, respectfully. I was caught slightly off guard. Most people in inner-city New York didn't practice Japanese courtesy. "My name is Madonna," she informed me.

I returned her gesture. "Leonardo."

"I know who you are."

I looked back up at her, shocked. "S'cuse me?"

She smiled and shrugged. "Who hasn't heard of you? All of you, I mean."

I studied her carefully. I couldn't tell what she was thinking. "Urban legends mean nothing in this city," I mumbled.

"Not to most people, no," she agreed, looking away as if she were disinterested.

There was a moment of silence and she shifted her weight to her other leg as she ran her fingers through her hair. She was really beautiful. "So are you gonna arrest me or ask me out or what?" she asked.

I smiled. "Maybe both," I suggested.

__

Christ, Leo, what the hell is wrong with you?

"Your place or mine?" she teased.

I heard a noise behind me and turned, for a fraction of a second. When I looked back, the girl was gone.


	2. Hypocricy

****

*CHAPTER 1*

HYPOCRICY

LEONARDO:

I felt the sun, warm on my face, and a cool breeze swept over me, rustling the thin curtains. As I slowly came to my senses, I smelled food. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and yawned. The door opened. "Morning, sleepyhead."

I grinned at the beautiful woman who stepped into the room. "Morning."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled at me. "Sleep well?"

I laughed at that. With her, I didn't sleep _much_. Eight months we had known each other. Three months ago, we'd made love for the first time. Life since then had changed dramatically for me.

"Madonna, this is gonna burn!" a voice called from the kitchen.

"So shut it off!" she yelled back, over her shoulder.

I smiled again, and lay back down, staring up at the ceiling. I stretched out on the bed, and recoiled. "Hey." The voice came from the open doorway now. I turned to see Katarina, her dark hair pulled behind her loosely. "You're gonna be late, you know that?"

Madonna grinned. "Yeah, I know."

"You gotta get yourself out the door this morning," Kat informed. "I got called in to help write the noon show. I'm leaving. Bye."

Madonna and I both waved, and Katarina disappeared. I heard the front door to the apartment close behind her. "Hey, aren't you leaving, too?" I questioned, turning my attention to Madonna. "For a few days, right?"

She sighed. "Yes. Family business. Why?"

I cupped her chin. "So I guess that means this is the last time I'll be seeing you for a while."

She smiled. "You knew that last night, Leo, or you wouldn't still be here."

She was right about that. Though I spent many evenings here, I rarely stayed the entire night. I ran my finger down the center of her throat and she batted it away. "Come eat. It's gonna get cold."

"You cooked breakfast," I mused, smiling. "I could get used to this."

****

RAPHAEL:

I started to get worried around four. By 8:30, I was beyond worried. I was pissed. "Where's Leo at?" Donatello asked, emerging from his room.

"Never came home last night," I mumbled. "I'm about to go _find _his ass."

Donny stared at me for a moment. "Why?"

"Since when does Leo take off for the entire night without telling anyone where he's going?"

"Hey, dude, Leo can take care of himself," Mike defended, coming out of the kitchen. "He probably just needed some time alone."

"All night long?" I shot at him.

Donny sighed. "No, Raph's right," he mumbled to Michaelangelo. "Leo doesn't usually take off without letting anyone know where he's going."

Mike shrugged. "_I _would. If I wanted to be alone."

"For twelve hours?" I snapped.

"Maybe he's got a girlfriend," Don suggested, smiling at the thought. "You never know."

I laughed cynically. That _was _an interesting thought. "This is _Leonardo _we're talking about, remember? What would he be _doing _with her all night? Discussing the mortality of life and the wonders of the universe?"

LEONARDO:

"You're late."

She laughed quietly and rested her head on my shoulder. "I know."

"No, I mean, you're _really_ late."

She was quiet for a moment. I ran my hand up and down her back and listened to the sounds of the city coming through the open window. "You know something, Leo?"

Her voice was soft and innocent, carried on the gentle breeze. The curtains rustled as the faint scent of the morning flooded the room. "Hmm?"

"I still don't quite see where I fit into your whole equation."

I considered her words, not quite sure what she meant. "Equation?"

"You know exactly what you want out of life, and death. And I don't see as I have anything to do with it."

I pulled away and stared into her blue-green eyes as she sat up, moving a few inches away on the black leather couch. "That's not true," I told her, somewhat hurt.

She smiled warmly and raised her hand to my cheek. "Not that you don't love me; I know you do. But it's like... I don't fit."

I considered that for a moment. "Why do you say that?"

She pulled away completely, pulling her legs up in front of her. "Okay. In a word, Leo. The one thing you strive for, that you would give your life for."

"Honor," I answered without having to think much about it.

"Death before dishonor," she nodded, repeating my words.

"Yes," I agreed. "You understand that."

She smiled knowingly. I _knew _she understood that. When we had first discussed the concept, she had taken the words right out of my mouth as I tried to explain. "But then you act as if you're ashamed of me," she sighed.

Instinctively, I wanted to say she was wrong about that. But I considered her words carefully. "No, not... exactly," I finally answered.

"What do you mean, not exactly?"

"Not... ashamed really. Just cautious."

"Why?"

I sighed. I knew what the bottom line was here. We'd been over it before. "I just don't want to give my brothers any ammunition to use against me if I can avoid it."

She laughed. "So I'm ammunition, now?" she smiled.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her close to me again. She rested her head on my shoulder, and said nothing for a long time. "You really think they'd do that?" she whispered.

"Raph would."

"You really don't get along with him, do you?"

I hesitated. I hated admitting that, but she was right. Over the past few months, we'd grown further apart than we'd ever been. "We're... a lot different," I answered.

"And you think he'd be mad if he found out? About me?"

"Oh, I know he would," I laughed, considering the thought. I didn't want to imagine the fight that would lead to.

"Why?"

I paused for a minute, not sure how much I should tell her. I didn't like talking about my brother behind his back, even if he _was _an idiot. But she was asking a legitimate question. It concerned her, and I had no right to hide the answer. "I get mad at him when he... sleeps around. And I don't want him to think that I'm being a hypocrite."

She ran her thumbs over the insides of my wrist, rubbing gently at my pulse. "Why?" she whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why is it any of your business who he sleeps with?"

I ran my fingers over her hair. "He puts us all in danger. Doesn't think before he acts. And every person who's seen us is an added risk. Hell, his last girlfriend just wanted him to get her pregnant so she could experiment on..."

I stopped. That was going a little far. _I _wasn't even supposed to know that. "Hmm," Madonna acknowledged. "And how is that _not _hypocritical? Why am I not a risk?"

I considered her words. "I'm careful."

She laughed quietly and snuggled closer to me. "Riiiight."

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Raphael was pacing back in forth in the living room. "Dude, what is your problem?" I laughed at him. "Leo's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

He shot me a look that could kill and I sighed as I sat down on the couch. I didn't understand why Raph felt he had to keep tabs on Leo. Maybe because Leo kept tabs on him. I couldn't tell if he was genuinely concerned or just pissed. At any rate, I wasn't going to talk to him. I didn't need that volcano erupting in my direction. I grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on. Raph spun around.

"Turn it off," he ordered.

I stared at him. What the hell? "Look, if you got a problem with it..." I started, calmly.

"Turn the damn TV off!" he yelled.

I didn't pick fights with my brothers. _Certainly _not with Raph. But I could only be pushed so far. "Raph, go obsess about Leo somewhere else, okay?" I shot at him. "I want to..."

He spun and hurled his weapon at the TV. Sparks flew as the metal crashed through the screen. I sprang to my feet. "What the _hell _is your problem, Raph?" I yelled at him. He glared at me, challenging me. Fury sparked in his eyes and for a moment, I thought he might attack. I almost reached for my weapons, fully prepared to defend myself, but he backed down. I watched in anger and confusion as he spun and walked away.

He passed Donatello on the way out. No words passed between them. As he came into the room, he looked to me for an explanation. "Uh, what happened to the TV?"

I shot him a pathetic, mildly sarcastic glance, and turned my attention to the stack of comic books on the coffee table. Donny sighed. "I don't get it," he mumbled, pulling the plug on what was left of the box. "Why's he so mad about Leo being gone all night?"

"I don't know," I shot back. "But it's starting to piss me off."

There was a moment of silence. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull a sai out of the shattered remains of the TV. I sighed and dropped the comic in his lap. "Donny, you think he might've taken it seriously when you said about Leo having a girlfriend? I mean, you saw how he tensed when you suggested that."

He thought about that for a minute. "I'm not so sure _I _took that seriously, Mike," I mumbled. "I don't think Leo's interested in women."

"Well, maybe not like Raph is," I agreed. "But really, regardless of where he is right now, if Raph thinks that..."

"There could be some _major _tension around here," he sighed. "I know."

"And really, I'm not sure who I'd agree with. I mean, if Leo's out there..."

"He's not," Don interrupted. "He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?" I pressed.

"Because. It's totally hypocritical, and he knows that. He wouldn't do that to Raph."

I sighed, and picked up the comic book again as Donny started cleaning up the mess from the TV.

****

MADONNA:

With a sudden burst of playful energy, I curled my fingers under his plastron and found the two, mirrored sensitive spots hidden in his sides. I had discovered them quite by accident, but they had proved most valuable. I smiled as I jabbed hard. He gave a shout of laughter, trying to double over and grab my hands at the same time. I pulled back just in time and jumped off of the couch.

"What the hell was that for?" he grinned up at me.

I smiled and shrugged. He sat up and reached out to grab me, but I jumped back, tripping over my feet. He lunged at me and missed. I laughed out loud as he fell off the sofa and landed in a heap on the floor. It didn't take him long to get back up to his feet, but I was already on the other side of the couch. I knew I was in for it. I laughed as I held my hands in front of me, like that would fend him off. "Please?" I smiled, pacing with him on the opposite side of the couch.

In one, clean movement, he vaulted over the top of the couch and I shrieked as I ran to my room and tried to slam the door. But I didn't make it in time. I tried to push him back, but I was nowhere near strong enough. I finally gave up and took a step back. "Please don't!" I laughed, doubling over in the hopes of protecting myself. "Please?"

He lunged toward me and I jumped back, not quite sure where I was expecting to get away to. I was closer than I thought I was to the bed. The backs of my legs hit it and I stumbled backward, reaching out to try and grab Leo. I just barely caught him, but I threw him off balance and he only fell on top of me instead of helping me up. He jabbed his fingers into my stomach and I tried to writhe out from underneath him. This was _not _the position to be in when he was trying to tickle me. "Please," I begged, trying not to laugh. "Leo!"

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Leonardo showed up around lunch time. "Where've you been, bro?" I asked. "We were... worried."

"Worried, my ass," Raph shot, bursting out of his room. "Where the _hell _were you?"

Leo shrugged. "I got sidetracked."

"Sidetracked? For fifteen hours?"

Leo turned to look at him. "You were counting?"

"Damn straight I was counting! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Raphael, you're overreacting."

Understatement of the year. 

"Raph, give him a break," Donatello defended.

Raphael turned and stared at Donny, as if he was determining whether he was more interested in fighting with him or Leo. He turned his attention back to Leo. "You know _damn _well how pissed you'd be if I did the same thing," he snarled. "You'd lecture me until I..."

"Raph," Leo sighed, resting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Give it a rest, okay? I had some personal business to take care of."

Raphael lashed out and Leo blocked him reflexively. Raph pulled his hands back and stepped up, inches away, his hands on his weapons. Leo stared back, defiantly. He didn't want to fight, but we all knew he would. Suddenly, Raph turned and walked away. We didn't see him for the rest of the day.** *CHAPTER 1***

HYPOCRICY

LEONARDO:

I felt the sun, warm on my face, and a cool breeze swept over me, rustling the thin curtains. As I slowly came to my senses, I smelled food. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and yawned. The door opened. "Morning, sleepyhead."

I grinned at the beautiful woman who stepped into the room. "Morning."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled at me. "Sleep well?"

I laughed at that. With her, I didn't sleep _much_. Eight months we had known each other. Three months ago, we'd made love for the first time. Life since then had changed dramatically for me.

"Madonna, this is gonna burn!" a voice called from the kitchen.

"So shut it off!" she yelled back, over her shoulder.

I smiled again, and lay back down, staring up at the ceiling. I stretched out on the bed, and recoiled. "Hey." The voice came from the open doorway now. I turned to see Katarina, her dark hair pulled behind her loosely. "You're gonna be late, you know that?"

Madonna grinned. "Yeah, I know."

"You gotta get yourself out the door this morning," Kat informed. "I got called in to help write the noon show. I'm leaving. Bye."

Madonna and I both waved, and Katarina disappeared. I heard the front door to the apartment close behind her. "Hey, aren't you leaving, too?" I questioned, turning my attention to Madonna. "For a few days, right?"

She sighed. "Yes. Family business. Why?"

I cupped her chin. "So I guess that means this is the last time I'll be seeing you for a while."

She smiled. "You knew that last night, Leo, or you wouldn't still be here."

She was right about that. Though I spent many evenings here, I rarely stayed the entire night. I ran my finger down the center of her throat and she batted it away. "Come eat. It's gonna get cold."

"You cooked breakfast," I mused, smiling. "I could get used to this."

****

RAPHAEL:

I started to get worried around four. By 8:30, I was beyond worried. I was pissed. "Where's Leo at?" Donatello asked, emerging from his room.

"Never came home last night," I mumbled. "I'm about to go _find _his ass."

Donny stared at me for a moment. "Why?"

"Since when does Leo take off for the entire night without telling anyone where he's going?"

"Hey, dude, Leo can take care of himself," Mike defended, coming out of the kitchen. "He probably just needed some time alone."

"All night long?" I shot at him.

Donny sighed. "No, Raph's right," he mumbled to Michaelangelo. "Leo doesn't usually take off without letting anyone know where he's going."

Mike shrugged. "_I _would. If I wanted to be alone."

"For twelve hours?" I snapped.

"Maybe he's got a girlfriend," Don suggested, smiling at the thought. "You never know."

I laughed cynically. That _was _an interesting thought. "This is _Leonardo _we're talking about, remember? What would he be _doing _with her all night? Discussing the mortality of life and the wonders of the universe?"

LEONARDO:

"You're late."

She laughed quietly and rested her head on my shoulder. "I know."

"No, I mean, you're _really_ late."

She was quiet for a moment. I ran my hand up and down her back and listened to the sounds of the city coming through the open window. "You know something, Leo?"

Her voice was soft and innocent, carried on the gentle breeze. The curtains rustled as the faint scent of the morning flooded the room. "Hmm?"

"I still don't quite see where I fit into your whole equation."

I considered her words, not quite sure what she meant. "Equation?"

"You know exactly what you want out of life, and death. And I don't see as I have anything to do with it."

I pulled away and stared into her blue-green eyes as she sat up, moving a few inches away on the black leather couch. "That's not true," I told her, somewhat hurt.

She smiled warmly and raised her hand to my cheek. "Not that you don't love me; I know you do. But it's like... I don't fit."

I considered that for a moment. "Why do you say that?"

She pulled away completely, pulling her legs up in front of her. "Okay. In a word, Leo. The one thing you strive for, that you would give your life for."

"Honor," I answered without having to think much about it.

"Death before dishonor," she nodded, repeating my words.

"Yes," I agreed. "You understand that."

She smiled knowingly. I _knew _she understood that. When we had first discussed the concept, she had taken the words right out of my mouth as I tried to explain. "But then you act as if you're ashamed of me," she sighed.

Instinctively, I wanted to say she was wrong about that. But I considered her words carefully. "No, not... exactly," I finally answered.

"What do you mean, not exactly?"

"Not... ashamed really. Just cautious."

"Why?"

I sighed. I knew what the bottom line was here. We'd been over it before. "I just don't want to give my brothers any ammunition to use against me if I can avoid it."

She laughed. "So I'm ammunition, now?" she smiled.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her close to me again. She rested her head on my shoulder, and said nothing for a long time. "You really think they'd do that?" she whispered.

"Raph would."

"You really don't get along with him, do you?"

I hesitated. I hated admitting that, but she was right. Over the past few months, we'd grown further apart than we'd ever been. "We're... a lot different," I answered.

"And you think he'd be mad if he found out? About me?"

"Oh, I know he would," I laughed, considering the thought. I didn't want to imagine the fight that would lead to.

"Why?"

I paused for a minute, not sure how much I should tell her. I didn't like talking about my brother behind his back, even if he _was _an idiot. But she was asking a legitimate question. It concerned her, and I had no right to hide the answer. "I get mad at him when he... sleeps around. And I don't want him to think that I'm being a hypocrite."

She ran her thumbs over the insides of my wrist, rubbing gently at my pulse. "Why?" she whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why is it any of your business who he sleeps with?"

I ran my fingers over her hair. "He puts us all in danger. Doesn't think before he acts. And every person who's seen us is an added risk. Hell, his last girlfriend just wanted him to get her pregnant so she could experiment on..."

I stopped. That was going a little far. _I _wasn't even supposed to know that. "Hmm," Madonna acknowledged. "And how is that _not _hypocritical? Why am I not a risk?"

I considered her words. "I'm careful."

She laughed quietly and snuggled closer to me. "Riiiight."

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Raphael was pacing back in forth in the living room. "Dude, what is your problem?" I laughed at him. "Leo's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

He shot me a look that could kill and I sighed as I sat down on the couch. I didn't understand why Raph felt he had to keep tabs on Leo. Maybe because Leo kept tabs on him. I couldn't tell if he was genuinely concerned or just pissed. At any rate, I wasn't going to talk to him. I didn't need that volcano erupting in my direction. I grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on. Raph spun around.

"Turn it off," he ordered.

I stared at him. What the hell? "Look, if you got a problem with it..." I started, calmly.

"Turn the damn TV off!" he yelled.

I didn't pick fights with my brothers. _Certainly _not with Raph. But I could only be pushed so far. "Raph, go obsess about Leo somewhere else, okay?" I shot at him. "I want to..."

He spun and hurled his weapon at the TV. Sparks flew as the metal crashed through the screen. I sprang to my feet. "What the _hell _is your problem, Raph?" I yelled at him. He glared at me, challenging me. Fury sparked in his eyes and for a moment, I thought he might attack. I almost reached for my weapons, fully prepared to defend myself, but he backed down. I watched in anger and confusion as he spun and walked away.

He passed Donatello on the way out. No words passed between them. As he came into the room, he looked to me for an explanation. "Uh, what happened to the TV?"

I shot him a pathetic, mildly sarcastic glance, and turned my attention to the stack of comic books on the coffee table. Donny sighed. "I don't get it," he mumbled, pulling the plug on what was left of the box. "Why's he so mad about Leo being gone all night?"

"I don't know," I shot back. "But it's starting to piss me off."

There was a moment of silence. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull a sai out of the shattered remains of the TV. I sighed and dropped the comic in his lap. "Donny, you think he might've taken it seriously when you said about Leo having a girlfriend? I mean, you saw how he tensed when you suggested that."

He thought about that for a minute. "I'm not so sure _I _took that seriously, Mike," I mumbled. "I don't think Leo's interested in women."

"Well, maybe not like Raph is," I agreed. "But really, regardless of where he is right now, if Raph thinks that..."

"There could be some _major _tension around here," he sighed. "I know."

"And really, I'm not sure who I'd agree with. I mean, if Leo's out there..."

"He's not," Don interrupted. "He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?" I pressed.

"Because. It's totally hypocritical, and he knows that. He wouldn't do that to Raph."

I sighed, and picked up the comic book again as Donny started cleaning up the mess from the TV.

****

MADONNA:

With a sudden burst of playful energy, I curled my fingers under his plastron and found the two, mirrored sensitive spots hidden in his sides. I had discovered them quite by accident, but they had proved most valuable. I smiled as I jabbed hard. He gave a shout of laughter, trying to double over and grab my hands at the same time. I pulled back just in time and jumped off of the couch.

"What the hell was that for?" he grinned up at me.

I smiled and shrugged. He sat up and reached out to grab me, but I jumped back, tripping over my feet. He lunged at me and missed. I laughed out loud as he fell off the sofa and landed in a heap on the floor. It didn't take him long to get back up to his feet, but I was already on the other side of the couch. I knew I was in for it. I laughed as I held my hands in front of me, like that would fend him off. "Please?" I smiled, pacing with him on the opposite side of the couch.

In one, clean movement, he vaulted over the top of the couch and I shrieked as I ran to my room and tried to slam the door. But I didn't make it in time. I tried to push him back, but I was nowhere near strong enough. I finally gave up and took a step back. "Please don't!" I laughed, doubling over in the hopes of protecting myself. "Please?"

He lunged toward me and I jumped back, not quite sure where I was expecting to get away to. I was closer than I thought I was to the bed. The backs of my legs hit it and I stumbled backward, reaching out to try and grab Leo. I just barely caught him, but I threw him off balance and he only fell on top of me instead of helping me up. He jabbed his fingers into my stomach and I tried to writhe out from underneath him. This was _not _the position to be in when he was trying to tickle me. "Please," I begged, trying not to laugh. "Leo!"

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Leonardo showed up around lunch time. "Where've you been, bro?" I asked. "We were... worried."

"Worried, my ass," Raph shot, bursting out of his room. "Where the _hell _were you?"

Leo shrugged. "I got sidetracked."

"Sidetracked? For fifteen hours?"

Leo turned to look at him. "You were counting?"

"Damn straight I was counting! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Raphael, you're overreacting."

Understatement of the year. 

"Raph, give him a break," Donatello defended.

Raphael turned and stared at Donny, as if he was determining whether he was more interested in fighting with him or Leo. He turned his attention back to Leo. "You know _damn _well how pissed you'd be if I did the same thing," he snarled. "You'd lecture me until I..."

"Raph," Leo sighed, resting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Give it a rest, okay? I had some personal business to take care of."

Raphael lashed out and Leo blocked him reflexively. Raph pulled his hands back and stepped up, inches away, his hands on his weapons. Leo stared back, defiantly. He didn't want to fight, but we all knew he would. Suddenly, Raph turned and walked away. We didn't see him for the rest of the day.** *CHAPTER 1***

HYPOCRICY

LEONARDO:

I felt the sun, warm on my face, and a cool breeze swept over me, rustling the thin curtains. As I slowly came to my senses, I smelled food. I sat up, rubbing my eyes, and yawned. The door opened. "Morning, sleepyhead."

I grinned at the beautiful woman who stepped into the room. "Morning."

She sat down on the edge of the bed and smiled at me. "Sleep well?"

I laughed at that. With her, I didn't sleep _much_. Eight months we had known each other. Three months ago, we'd made love for the first time. Life since then had changed dramatically for me.

"Madonna, this is gonna burn!" a voice called from the kitchen.

"So shut it off!" she yelled back, over her shoulder.

I smiled again, and lay back down, staring up at the ceiling. I stretched out on the bed, and recoiled. "Hey." The voice came from the open doorway now. I turned to see Katarina, her dark hair pulled behind her loosely. "You're gonna be late, you know that?"

Madonna grinned. "Yeah, I know."

"You gotta get yourself out the door this morning," Kat informed. "I got called in to help write the noon show. I'm leaving. Bye."

Madonna and I both waved, and Katarina disappeared. I heard the front door to the apartment close behind her. "Hey, aren't you leaving, too?" I questioned, turning my attention to Madonna. "For a few days, right?"

She sighed. "Yes. Family business. Why?"

I cupped her chin. "So I guess that means this is the last time I'll be seeing you for a while."

She smiled. "You knew that last night, Leo, or you wouldn't still be here."

She was right about that. Though I spent many evenings here, I rarely stayed the entire night. I ran my finger down the center of her throat and she batted it away. "Come eat. It's gonna get cold."

"You cooked breakfast," I mused, smiling. "I could get used to this."

****

RAPHAEL:

I started to get worried around four. By 8:30, I was beyond worried. I was pissed. "Where's Leo at?" Donatello asked, emerging from his room.

"Never came home last night," I mumbled. "I'm about to go _find _his ass."

Donny stared at me for a moment. "Why?"

"Since when does Leo take off for the entire night without telling anyone where he's going?"

"Hey, dude, Leo can take care of himself," Mike defended, coming out of the kitchen. "He probably just needed some time alone."

"All night long?" I shot at him.

Donny sighed. "No, Raph's right," he mumbled to Michaelangelo. "Leo doesn't usually take off without letting anyone know where he's going."

Mike shrugged. "_I _would. If I wanted to be alone."

"For twelve hours?" I snapped.

"Maybe he's got a girlfriend," Don suggested, smiling at the thought. "You never know."

I laughed cynically. That _was _an interesting thought. "This is _Leonardo _we're talking about, remember? What would he be _doing _with her all night? Discussing the mortality of life and the wonders of the universe?"

LEONARDO:

"You're late."

She laughed quietly and rested her head on my shoulder. "I know."

"No, I mean, you're _really_ late."

She was quiet for a moment. I ran my hand up and down her back and listened to the sounds of the city coming through the open window. "You know something, Leo?"

Her voice was soft and innocent, carried on the gentle breeze. The curtains rustled as the faint scent of the morning flooded the room. "Hmm?"

"I still don't quite see where I fit into your whole equation."

I considered her words, not quite sure what she meant. "Equation?"

"You know exactly what you want out of life, and death. And I don't see as I have anything to do with it."

I pulled away and stared into her blue-green eyes as she sat up, moving a few inches away on the black leather couch. "That's not true," I told her, somewhat hurt.

She smiled warmly and raised her hand to my cheek. "Not that you don't love me; I know you do. But it's like... I don't fit."

I considered that for a moment. "Why do you say that?"

She pulled away completely, pulling her legs up in front of her. "Okay. In a word, Leo. The one thing you strive for, that you would give your life for."

"Honor," I answered without having to think much about it.

"Death before dishonor," she nodded, repeating my words.

"Yes," I agreed. "You understand that."

She smiled knowingly. I _knew _she understood that. When we had first discussed the concept, she had taken the words right out of my mouth as I tried to explain. "But then you act as if you're ashamed of me," she sighed.

Instinctively, I wanted to say she was wrong about that. But I considered her words carefully. "No, not... exactly," I finally answered.

"What do you mean, not exactly?"

"Not... ashamed really. Just cautious."

"Why?"

I sighed. I knew what the bottom line was here. We'd been over it before. "I just don't want to give my brothers any ammunition to use against me if I can avoid it."

She laughed. "So I'm ammunition, now?" she smiled.

I grabbed her arm and pulled her close to me again. She rested her head on my shoulder, and said nothing for a long time. "You really think they'd do that?" she whispered.

"Raph would."

"You really don't get along with him, do you?"

I hesitated. I hated admitting that, but she was right. Over the past few months, we'd grown further apart than we'd ever been. "We're... a lot different," I answered.

"And you think he'd be mad if he found out? About me?"

"Oh, I know he would," I laughed, considering the thought. I didn't want to imagine the fight that would lead to.

"Why?"

I paused for a minute, not sure how much I should tell her. I didn't like talking about my brother behind his back, even if he _was _an idiot. But she was asking a legitimate question. It concerned her, and I had no right to hide the answer. "I get mad at him when he... sleeps around. And I don't want him to think that I'm being a hypocrite."

She ran her thumbs over the insides of my wrist, rubbing gently at my pulse. "Why?" she whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why is it any of your business who he sleeps with?"

I ran my fingers over her hair. "He puts us all in danger. Doesn't think before he acts. And every person who's seen us is an added risk. Hell, his last girlfriend just wanted him to get her pregnant so she could experiment on..."

I stopped. That was going a little far. _I _wasn't even supposed to know that. "Hmm," Madonna acknowledged. "And how is that _not _hypocritical? Why am I not a risk?"

I considered her words. "I'm careful."

She laughed quietly and snuggled closer to me. "Riiiight."

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Raphael was pacing back in forth in the living room. "Dude, what is your problem?" I laughed at him. "Leo's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

He shot me a look that could kill and I sighed as I sat down on the couch. I didn't understand why Raph felt he had to keep tabs on Leo. Maybe because Leo kept tabs on him. I couldn't tell if he was genuinely concerned or just pissed. At any rate, I wasn't going to talk to him. I didn't need that volcano erupting in my direction. I grabbed the remote and flicked the TV on. Raph spun around.

"Turn it off," he ordered.

I stared at him. What the hell? "Look, if you got a problem with it..." I started, calmly.

"Turn the damn TV off!" he yelled.

I didn't pick fights with my brothers. _Certainly _not with Raph. But I could only be pushed so far. "Raph, go obsess about Leo somewhere else, okay?" I shot at him. "I want to..."

He spun and hurled his weapon at the TV. Sparks flew as the metal crashed through the screen. I sprang to my feet. "What the _hell _is your problem, Raph?" I yelled at him. He glared at me, challenging me. Fury sparked in his eyes and for a moment, I thought he might attack. I almost reached for my weapons, fully prepared to defend myself, but he backed down. I watched in anger and confusion as he spun and walked away.

He passed Donatello on the way out. No words passed between them. As he came into the room, he looked to me for an explanation. "Uh, what happened to the TV?"

I shot him a pathetic, mildly sarcastic glance, and turned my attention to the stack of comic books on the coffee table. Donny sighed. "I don't get it," he mumbled, pulling the plug on what was left of the box. "Why's he so mad about Leo being gone all night?"

"I don't know," I shot back. "But it's starting to piss me off."

There was a moment of silence. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw him pull a sai out of the shattered remains of the TV. I sighed and dropped the comic in his lap. "Donny, you think he might've taken it seriously when you said about Leo having a girlfriend? I mean, you saw how he tensed when you suggested that."

He thought about that for a minute. "I'm not so sure _I _took that seriously, Mike," I mumbled. "I don't think Leo's interested in women."

"Well, maybe not like Raph is," I agreed. "But really, regardless of where he is right now, if Raph thinks that..."

"There could be some _major _tension around here," he sighed. "I know."

"And really, I'm not sure who I'd agree with. I mean, if Leo's out there..."

"He's not," Don interrupted. "He wouldn't do that."

"How do you know?" I pressed.

"Because. It's totally hypocritical, and he knows that. He wouldn't do that to Raph."

I sighed, and picked up the comic book again as Donny started cleaning up the mess from the TV.

****

MADONNA:

With a sudden burst of playful energy, I curled my fingers under his plastron and found the two, mirrored sensitive spots hidden in his sides. I had discovered them quite by accident, but they had proved most valuable. I smiled as I jabbed hard. He gave a shout of laughter, trying to double over and grab my hands at the same time. I pulled back just in time and jumped off of the couch.

"What the hell was that for?" he grinned up at me.

I smiled and shrugged. He sat up and reached out to grab me, but I jumped back, tripping over my feet. He lunged at me and missed. I laughed out loud as he fell off the sofa and landed in a heap on the floor. It didn't take him long to get back up to his feet, but I was already on the other side of the couch. I knew I was in for it. I laughed as I held my hands in front of me, like that would fend him off. "Please?" I smiled, pacing with him on the opposite side of the couch.

In one, clean movement, he vaulted over the top of the couch and I shrieked as I ran to my room and tried to slam the door. But I didn't make it in time. I tried to push him back, but I was nowhere near strong enough. I finally gave up and took a step back. "Please don't!" I laughed, doubling over in the hopes of protecting myself. "Please?"

He lunged toward me and I jumped back, not quite sure where I was expecting to get away to. I was closer than I thought I was to the bed. The backs of my legs hit it and I stumbled backward, reaching out to try and grab Leo. I just barely caught him, but I threw him off balance and he only fell on top of me instead of helping me up. He jabbed his fingers into my stomach and I tried to writhe out from underneath him. This was _not _the position to be in when he was trying to tickle me. "Please," I begged, trying not to laugh. "Leo!"

****

MICHAELANGELO:

Leonardo showed up around lunch time. "Where've you been, bro?" I asked. "We were... worried."

"Worried, my ass," Raph shot, bursting out of his room. "Where the _hell _were you?"

Leo shrugged. "I got sidetracked."

"Sidetracked? For fifteen hours?"

Leo turned to look at him. "You were counting?"

"Damn straight I was counting! What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Raphael, you're overreacting."

Understatement of the year. 

"Raph, give him a break," Donatello defended.

Raphael turned and stared at Donny, as if he was determining whether he was more interested in fighting with him or Leo. He turned his attention back to Leo. "You know _damn _well how pissed you'd be if I did the same thing," he snarled. "You'd lecture me until I..."

"Raph," Leo sighed, resting his hand on his brother's shoulder. "Give it a rest, okay? I had some personal business to take care of."

Raphael lashed out and Leo blocked him reflexively. Raph pulled his hands back and stepped up, inches away, his hands on his weapons. Leo stared back, defiantly. He didn't want to fight, but we all knew he would. Suddenly, Raph turned and walked away. We didn't see him for the rest of the day.


	3. Rescue

**SHREDDER:**

She walked into the room quietly, but I still heard her. I turned and she bowed slightly as I faced her. I smiled faintly, returning the gesture. "You have changed," I noted. "It has been too long." 

Her eyes closed slowly and she clasped her hands in front of her. She was wearing a short, dark green dress, cut straight across her chest. A gold chain hung around her neck, holding a large diamond. I had given it to her years ago. I traced it with my finger before cupping her chin, raising her eyes to mine. She held her breath. "Where have you been, all these months?" 

She swallowed. "You already know that, or you would not have asked to see me." 

I studied her carefully. At least she wasn't lying to me. I studied her beautiful face for a moment. "Are you in love?" I finally asked, curious as to how she would respond. "Is that the reason for your absence?" 

She did not answer, but her eyes betrayed her. I dropped my hand and we stared at each other for a moment. "You choose to defy me?" I questioned 

She cringed. "My defiance means nothing," she shot through clenched teeth. "You have no claim on me." 

Faster than she could react, she was on the floor. Her hand rose to the side of her face, hidden by her hair. "You will not disrespect me in my own house," I threatened. 

She said nothing for a long time. Finally, she raised her eyes. "What are you going to do?" she challenged. "Kill me?" 

I glared at her. Being away for so long had taught her things I didn't want her to know. Disrespect was one of them. "There is something that you are going to do for me." 

"Why me?" she demanded, still on the floor. 

"Because you are capable. And because you have a responsibility." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

I watched, absentmindedly twirling my nunchuck with my left hand as I chewed on a nail on my right. The sparring had originally been between Donny and Leo, but Raphael couldn't stand it. Everything Leo could do, he could do better, or so he thought. Not to mention that he was still pissed off about yesterday's confrontation. So now it was the two of them paired against him. And he didn't want to even out the odds. When I offered, he said he'd take me on too. So I leaned back against the wall and watched. 

I could tell Leo was being nice. He could kick Raph's ass, and we all knew it. But he wasn't full-force tonight. Maybe he was saving his strength. More likely, he was having mercy on his cocky brother. Every so often, he'd give Raph a dose of humility. We all knew how it worked. It was an unspoken set of rules among us. He'd let Raph push just so far, then he'd push back, and knock him right on his ass. 

Donny hooked his bo around Raph's leg as he fought off an attack from Leo and he crashed to the floor. In a fraction of a second, Leo's _katana _was at his throat, his foot on his chest. They held the stance for a moment before Leonardo backed off. Donny offered Raph a hand, but he stood without taking it. "Pay attention to everything, Raph," Leonardo lectured. "If you had been fully aware, you would've noticed that I was _trying _to distract you. It's the opponent who appears below your level who will strike hard and..." 

"Yeah, yeah, Leo," Raph cut him off. "This is only the five _thousandth _time I'm hearing this speech. I could recite it along with you." 

"Then why do you always make the same mistake?" 

Raphael twirled his sais and braced against his back leg, once again ready for combat. Leo glanced at me, offering me an escape from the boredom. I shook my head and waved him on. I was content being bored. In fact, I was rather enjoying it. I wasn't quite sure how I'd wandered in here. 

I turned as they began again and walked out of the room, tucking my weapon back into its place on my belt. I pulled the fridge open and stared inside, disinterested. The phone rang and I turned to get it. There were only a handful of people it could be. I guessed April. "Hello?" I asked. 

"Mike?" a shaky voice replied. Well, whaddaya know, I was right. But she didn't sound too good. 

"April?" I asked. "What's the matter? You alright?" 

"I need you guys to get over here. Fast." 

**APRIL:**

I sat huddled on the couch, watching the seconds tick by on the clock. One... two... three... Where _were _they? The minute hand told me it had been seven minutes since I had hung up the phone. Seven minutes and twenty-three seconds... twenty-four... twenty-five... I breathed deep and looked around the dark room. Shadows danced on the walls as moonlight streamed in through the window. A breeze rustled the curtains. I shivered even though I wasn't cold. The clock continued to tick. Eight minutes... seemed like an eternity. 

I heard voices and spun around pleading, _praying _that they would be familiar. They came from outside the kitchen, drifting in through the window. A moment later, a figure became silhouetted against the moonlight outside. "April?" 

I realized I'd been holding my breath and I let it out with a great deal of relief. Their presence was reassuring, and I relaxed, knowing that I was no longer in danger. "I'm here," I answered, laying back on the arm of the couch. It felt so good to breathe. 

"Hey, babe, what're you doin' sittin' in the dark?" Michaelangelo's voice called. 

I sat up again and looked over the back of the couch. "There's no power," I told them, standing up. "It went out about an hour ago." 

"That would explain the gas and electric crews outside," Raph mumbled. 

"We overheard them say something about the power having been _cut_," Donatello added, looking down at the half-burned candle, resting on its side on the counter. 

"Are you okay?" Leo asked as I approached him. 

I felt like a child who was comforted by her father's presence in her dark, scary room. The monster under the bed was powerless while he was there. I threw my arms around Leo's neck and felt tears sting my eyes. I was fine... now. I was no longer in any danger. But I was lucky. Kat was not so lucky. 

Leo hugged me back, reassuring me as if I were his little sister. "What happened?" he asked gently. Funny how the roles had changed over the years. 

I pulled away and crossed my arms over my chest. Mikey's hand brushed my face, wiping tears away. The relief was overwhelming. They were so calm, so reassuring. "I had a friend over," I started. "I don't know really why they took her and not me. She doesn't seem like the type to..." 

"Who's they?" Raphael interrupted, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. 

"Foot soldiers," I answered quietly. 

There was a collective groan. "What did they want?" Donatello asked, walking over to the living room window. Glass littered the carpet. 

I shook my head. "I'm not sure. But they took a friend of mine. A friend from work." 

"Who?" Leonardo asked, brushing his fingers along the hardened pool of wax from the candle that had been on the kitchen table. 

"She's an assistant producer. Her name is Katarina." 

Leo nodded slowly. "Katarina," he repeated. 

There was a tense silence. Mike walked over to the sink, inspecting the broken-out window they'd just come through. "Did they say anything?" he prodded. 

"I..." I stammered. "I don't know. I mean, there was just so much confusion." 

"Give any clue as to why they took her and not you?" Raph demanded, his eyes steady and cold on mine. A chill ran down my spine as I studied him. Had I not known him for so long, Raphael would _really _scare me. There was something dark and inherintly dangerous about him. Particularly since Splinter had died, he'd become more violent and bitter than he'd ever been. His presence alone was intimidating; he didn't have to say a word. 

"One of them said something about how she was the one, not me," I choked. "But I don't know why. He wasn't talking to me." 

"So you could call us, probably," Leo mumbled, turning his attention away from the fallen candle. "They're baiting a trap." 

Donatello returned, holding an envelope with a tear in it. "This was stuck to the wall," he informed, dropping a razor-sharp throwing star on the counter. They all huddled around the note and I walked around them. 

"That's gross," Mike observed as the paper was unfolded. 

"Is that blood?" I asked, suddenly sick to my stomach. 

"Could be," Donatello answered. 

"He certainly has a flair for the dramatic, doesn't he?" Raphael mumbled. 

"April, do you have a match?" Leo asked, picking up the candle he'd been inspecting. "It's too dark to read." 

I quickly found a lighter and returned to the huddled group. "It's in Japanese," Donatello observed, over Leo's shoulder. 

"What's it say?" I asked. It sure _looked _like it was written in blood. 

"They have her at the shipping docks," he mumbled. "Pier 14. Warns us not to make them harm her, because they don't want to." 

"Who's they?" I questioned. 

"It's signed Kiara." 

"Who's Kiara?" 

"Hell if I know." 

"Was there a woman with them?" 

I stared back at three sets of eyes. Leo was still engrossed in the letter. "I don't know. There _could've _been. It was dark, you know? I didn't see one, but it's not impossible." 

"Kiara," Leonardo whispered again, seemingly deep in thought. 

Raph nodded. "Well, let's go." 

I tensed, wondering if they were just going to leave me here. Leo folded the note and Donny took it. "I don't think they'll be back, April," Donatello assured me. "But if you want, we can drop you off back at our place on the way." 

I considered that. Their lair was not "on the way" to the waterfront. It was about a mile in the opposite direction. They had to get to Katarina, and as much as I wanted to retreat to the safety they offered, I knew I couldn't. Besides, he was right. They wouldn't be back. Somehow, that didn't stop a chill from running through me at the thought of sitting alone in my dark living room until they got the power back on. 

"I'll take her," Leo offered, seemingly reading my thoughts. "You guys can go on ahead. I'll catch up to you." 

It was decided without my having to say anything. They discussed their route so that Leonardo could follow them, and he helped me over the broken glass and out the window. 

**LEONARDO:**

"You're quiet," April observed. 

I nodded slowly, staring down at the ground. "Something wrong?" she asked. "I mean, besides the obvious." 

I hesitated. I hadn't told anyone about Madonna and Kat. But I knew that my girlfriend's roommate was the same girl who'd been kidnapped tonight. I'd talked to Kat enough to know where she worked, and it had been a strange coincidence that she happened to produce at Channel 3, the same station where April worked. I couldn't forget that. And I doubted that there were two Katarinas at Channel 3. 

"Katarina," I mumbled. "Did you say she was a producer?" 

April glanced at me. "Assistant producer, yes. Why do you ask?" 

I shook my head silently. It was her. I knew for sure now. "Do you know her?" April prodded. 

Now I was in a position where I had to make a choice. Lie, or tell the truth. There was no other answer to a yes or no question. I knew I could probably dance around it, but that wouldn't accomplish anything. She'd realize I was avoiding it, and would bring the conversation full-circle. April wasn't stupid. 

Coincidence. God, I hoped it was coincidence. It had to be. No one knew about my relationship with Madonna. I didn't want to think that someone had found out. The results of that could be tragic. Especially if they didn't know what they were looking for. With Madonna on vacation, a case of mistaken identity could prove fatal. 

"Leo?" 

I felt April's hand on my shoulder and snapped back into reality. "Yeah," I answered. "I know her." 

"Why didn't you say something?" she questioned. "What's the big secret?" 

He sighed. "April, don't take this the wrong way but... you wouldn't understand. And I don't have the time to explain it right now." 

She said nothing and I glanced over at her. "Don't say anything to the guys about this," I pleaded. 

"I won't," she assured me. "But I don't know why. Since when have you started keeping secrets?" 

I forced a smile. It seemed Raph wasn't the only one who expected my life to be an open book. "Just trust me." 

We walked in silence as I concentrated on the ground passing under my feet. "Leonardo..." I felt April's hand on my arm again and turned to her, stopping. "I know my way to the lair," she mumbled. "You should go with your brothers." 

I glanced around at the darkness. It wasn't like April had never been down to our place before. But it was easy to get lost down here. "Are you sure?" I asked, skeptically. 

She nodded. "I've only been there about two hundred times, Leo," she smiled weakly. 

I studied her for a moment before nodding. "Okay. If you get lost, get to the surface and we'll come find you." 

"I won't get lost," she assured me. "Good luck, Leo." 

I bowed slightly. "Thank you." 

**RAPHAEL:**

"You sure about this?" I questioned, looking out at the stillness surrounding pier 14. 

"It's what the letter said," Leonardo sighed. "That's all I'm sure of." 

"It's too quiet," Donatello mumbled. 

A figure moved against the moonlit backdrop. "Hey, look," Mike pointed. It was a foot soldier, dressed in a black _dogi_. 

"Well, looks like we have the right place," Don sighed. "So what now?" 

Leo stared as the figure walked into building resembling a warehouse. "I say we go kick some ass and get the hell out of here with the girl," I recommended to him. "But you'll probably suggest moving in quietly." 

He hesitated. "No, Raph, for once I agree with you. But I don't think it would be wise to use the front door." 

"Think there's a skylight?" Mike questioned. 

"There's windows up near the top," Don pointed out. "Problem is getting to them." 

"We don't know how many there are," Leo reminded us. "It would be best if we could make them come to us first. We're on their turf and god only knows what's inside that building." 

I drew my sais. "Let's get this party started, huh?" 

Leo shot me a look and I smiled back. It was so _easy _to push his buttons. I just couldn't help it sometimes. 

As it turned out, we didn't have to do anything to gain attention. As we approached the building, another foot soldier came out of the door and saw us. He was all the attention we needed. In a minute, we were surrounded. I gripped my weapons tightly, itching for a fight. I hadn't caused any serious bodily harm to a foot soldier in months. Not that I reveled in the idea of killing them. The excitement of it was based on the fact that they were trying to kill me. 

"Where's the girl?" Leo demanded. "Let her go and you'll all walk away." 

I was pretty sure he didn't expect them to surrender. But hey, he had to offer, right? The reply came in the form of a blow, and immediately, we were under attack. 

Half of the soldiers were armed with nunchucks. Mike would be thrilled. Some of them had claws coming out of the backs of their hands, not unlike Shredder's choice of costume. I raised my sai to catch on the chain of one of the nunchucks that came at me and twisted it out of the hand of my opponent. I flicked the sai and the weapon tangled around it fell to the ground. Then, spinning the sai in my other fist, I used the blunted handle to hit the bridge of his nose. I heard the crack, and felt it, and the man dropped to his knees. 

The next second, there were two men swinging at me. I dropped at the last second, not having time to think my attack through, and swept my leg across the ground, expecting to just make them jump back and give me some room to think. Instead, it knocked them both off their feet. Pathetic. 

I immediately somersaulted away as another attack came. Rolling to my feet, I roundhouse kicked, careful to avoid the nunchucks. The kick connected and the man stumbled back into two others who where fast approaching. That knocked them off balance enough to allow me to sweep them off their feet. 

I stepped back, not even breathing hard yet. I felt an allied presence nearby and afforded a glance at Michaelangelo. As I had guessed, he was in his element, expertly maneuvering around the weapons. 

A fist came at me and I raised my sai, catching his wrist between the prongs and snapping the bones with a simple, well-directed twist of the weapon. I kicked at another one of the men with with the nunchucks and somersaulted away from slashing claws. Fortunately, these two didn't look like they knew what they were doing. Or who they were dealing with. They appeared to be enjoying themselves, shadow boxing with their toys attached to their hands. 

I dropped down, hooked my leg around theirs, and pulled them to the ground. I was on my feet again just in time to turn my face away from another set of claws, raising my sai defensively. The claws caught on the metal prong and I twisted it back, forcing the man to his knees. I was very much aware that he was one of the last men still standing. He wasn't standing for long. My knee connected with his face and he fell back, either unconscious or feigning it. It didn't matter to me, as long as he wasn't getting back up. 

**KATARINA:**

I closed my eyes slowly, waiting. I knew he would come, but I wasn't sure how much longer I could wait like this. I was cold and tired and I had to use the bathroom. Not that I had much of a choice about that waiting part. I couldn't get out of these bonds no matter how hard I struggled. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw a black shadow move against the background of darkness. There were hundreds of them in the room, waiting for a signal. 

I breathed deep and rested my head on the cold metal behind me. I was so tired. I felt drugged. Yes, I _was _drugged. I remembered now. Drugs to make me weak, delusional. I had to embrace that victim mentality, according to the murmers of my captors. Now, I wasn't fighting, wasn't struggling. Maybe it was because I knew he'd come for me. Or maybe because I'd given up hope. 

**RAPHAEL:**

I looked around. My three brothers were the only ones still standing among dozens of bloody, unconscious bodies. They were all out for the count. I replaced my sais back in my belt and followed wordlessly as we walked into the building. I guess I'd been expecting more foot soldiers. But there were none. There was only a teenage girl tied by her wrists to a tractor. "Katarina," Leo mumbled. I glanced at him and saw him staring at her. I raised an eye ridge at his fascination, then turned to look around the rest of the room. It was quiet. 

The girl was slumped on the ground, her head turned to the side and her shoulder-length black hair covering her face. She wore black jeans and a baggy blue T-shirt and her wrists were rubbed raw where the ropes had cut into her. She looked up as Mike approached, but didn't seem surprised or relieved. She just watched as he tried to untie the ropes. She was probably drugged. 

"Leo," Mike called for help. 

Leonardo gave one last look around the empty room and walked over to them, unsheathing his katana. He sliced through the rope easily, careful not to knick her skin. Then Mike helped her to her feet. "You okay?" he asked. 

Katarina and Leo locked stares, but neither of them said anything. I was immediately aware that this was _not _the first time they had met. The way they looked at each other, it was as if they were friends who'd never expected to cross paths again. But they didn't want anyone to know, so they just stared at each other and silently communicated their pleasure. Interesting. I'd have to drill Leo on that later. 

"We should get out of here," Don mumbled. "No telling if they've got reinforcements hiding somewhere." 

I suddenly realized that it was over. We had the girl in hand, and no one was challenging us. That was _way _too easy. Something about it didn't feel right. "Where's Kiara?" I asked the girl. 

"Who?" she choked. 

"Was there a woman with them?" 

She thought for a moment. "Yes, there was." 

"Where is she?" 

She shook her head. "I don't know." 

I exchanged glances with Leo. "I don't like this," I informed him, inspecting Katarina. Something about her didn't ring true. "It's too easy. Like they _want _us to take her." 

"Take me where?" she asked, suddenly sounding afraid. She began to cry. "I just want to go home," she sobbed. 

"No harm in that," Don mumbled. 

"I don't like it," I repeated. 

Mike shot me a dirty look. "What do you want us to do, Raph, leave her here?" 

"Sure, Mike, let's just tie her back up and forget we ever came, huh?" I shot back at him, sarcastically. 

"It's not safe," Leo mumbled. 

For a moment, I thought he was agreeing with me. Then I realized what he meant. "Oh, no," I protested. "Leo..." 

"Raph, don't," he replied. "Let's just get out of here first and _then _decide where we're going to go." 


	4. A Threat

**LEONARDO:**

We hadn't gotten very far from the pier when I felt Raph's death grip on my shoulder pull me away from Mike, Don, and Kat and into an alley. He spun me around and dropped his arm to his side again. "You're kidding, right?" 

"Hey, who was the one who brought April down to the sewer?" I reminded him. 

"I..." he started before he realized that he had nothing to say. "Fine, okay, I'll give you that. But Leo, there's something weird here. I don't think it's wise to take her with us. It was too easy." 

"Well, what would you suggest, Raph?" 

He shrugged. "She wants to go back home, let's take her there. I don't see what the problem is." 

I crossed my arms over my chest. "We still don't know who took her or why, okay?" I reminded him. That wasn't a lie. _We _didn't know. Although I was afraid I had a pretty good idea. And if my hunch was right, they'd be back. "How do we know she's out of danger?" 

"How do we know _we're _out of danger?" he snapped. "I don't like how easy that was. And I don't like how you're not seeing that." 

I sighed. "Raph, I _do _see what you're saying. But what if you're wrong? What if we're _both _wrong and there's something they want with her, personally? They'll kill her." 

"If they were going to do that, they would've." 

"So what did they want, Raph? They didn't want her, they didn't want us... what did they want?" 

He said nothing. 

"And that's exactly my point. Neither one of us know. But I intend to find out." 

He sighed and looked away. "Geez, Leo, I never thought I'd hear this from you," he mumbled. "What the hell is wrong with you lately?" 

"Nothing's _wrong _with me." 

With a frustrated growl, he turned and stormed away. 

**DONATELLO:**

She didn't talk. She wouldn't answer our questions. When we got back to the lair and she saw April, she suddenly changed. The relief was evident on both sides as they hugged each other. April's attention fell to Kat's wrists. "Do you guys have any peroxide?" she asked. "And some bandages." 

"I'm fine, April, really," Kat assured her. "I'm tired, but that's all." 

"Maybe now you could tell us what the foot clan wanted with you," Raphael reminded her, leaning back on the wall. 

Kat's eyes hit the floor and she hugged her chest. "It wasn't you," she mumbled. "I know that's what you're thinking, but it had nothing to do with you. The truth is, a friend of mine is involved with them." She glanced up, catching Leo's steady gaze. "And I guess he... really ticked them off somehow." 

"Where is he now?" I asked. 

She hesitated. "He... left the city a while ago; I haven't seen him since." 

"Do you know if he's even alive?" Mike asked. 

She shook her head. 

I glanced at her. "Well, obviously the foot does or they wouldn't be trying to trap him." 

"Yeah," Leo mumbled to himself. Raph shot him a look that warned of the argument to come. 

"Look I..." Kat started hesitantly. "I don't want to start a fight. I just... if you'll take me back home..." 

All eyes turned to Leo. Leo looked at Raph. April opened her mouth to say something, but stopped. I could feel the tension in the room as Leo and Raph held a silent conversation. Suddenly, Raphael turned and walked close to Leo. "Fine," he whispered harshly, through gritted teeth. "I don't know what the hell you all want me to say. But you just remember, I had _nothing_ to do with this. _Don't_ forget that." 

Without another word, he stormed out of the room. I watched him go, wondering what all had been said between them. I had obviously missed something. "Why don't you rest here?" Leonardo offered. 

"No, I really..." she protested weakly. 

"I insist," he smiled. 

April rested her hand on Kat's arm. "Come on," she assured her. "We really should spend the night here. It'll be safer." 

Kat gave a distrusting glance around the room before bringing her eyes to rest on Leo. She forced a smile. "Thank you," she relented. 

He bowed respectfully and Mikey motioned away from the gathering. "Come on," he guided. "I'll show you where you can sleep." 

The two of them left with April and I turned my attention to Leo. "Raph is pissed at you?" I mumbled. It wasn't really a question. 

"Yeah," he sighed. "What else is new?" 

"What's he mad about?" 

He shook his head silently and there was a moment of silence. Finally, he looked up at me. "Do you think I'm making a mistake?" he asked. 

I stared at him, shocked. "What do you mean?" 

"Helping her. Raph thinks I'm making a mistake." 

I considered it for a moment. "No," I answered. "I don't. And I don't think Raph has a lot of room to talk." 

He smiled faintly. "My sentiments exactly," he whispered. 

I hadn't even heard the whole story, and already I knew it was the beginning of an ongoing battle between them. 

**KIARA:**

A gentle breeze swept over Central Park as we walked through the darkness. In the cover of night, and without his traditional costume, he blended with society as easily as I did. Only the scar on his face betrayed his identity. I thought I had never seen him look so unthreatening as he did now. Still, I knew the strength and skill he hid under that mask of a normal civilian. I knew not to challenge him. So when he had asked me to come here, I had not questioned him. 

"{What have you accomplished?}" he asked. We spoke in Japanese, as we always did when we discussed "business". 

I sighed. "{You asked me to organize your offensive,}" I reminded him. "{And I am doing that. You need not follow me around.}" 

He studied the ground as it passed under our feet. "{I wish to be kept informed.}" 

His voice was deep, inhuman. It could intimidate the strongest man when used in a threatening tone. "{I allowed them to succeed so that I could follow them back to their home,}" I explained. "{I know where they stay.}" 

I turned and studied me carefully, determining my honesty. "{They did not see you?}" "{They did not suspect it. They were too concerned in getting their victim to safety.}" 

He watched me for a moment longer, then turned his attention back to the path. I could tell that he was not pleased. He had hoped for a direct approach. But I knew that wouldn't work. And that was why he had given me this assignment in the first place, though he would never admit it. He had tried his way, and he had failed. Now he wanted a different perspective, a woman's touch. I was the obvious choice, given my relationship to him. 

I sighed. "{In all the fighting we have done with them, we have never come any closer to defeating them,}" I explained myself. "{They are four, and well-trained. You train your soldiers quickly, to make them ready for battle as soon as possible. And for that reason, all of your men could never defeat four trained _ninjas_.}" 

He studied me carefully. "{I know this,}" he told me. "{But why then did you request that my men reinforce you?}" 

"{The combat was a distraction. It would have been unnatural for them to arrive and find the building vacant. They would have been wary of the _real _attack. As it happened, their arrogance in believing that they had eliminated the threat worked to our advantage. They never suspected that I was with them.}" 

He smiled faintly. "{When can I expect them to be in hand?}" 

I sighed and cast my eyes to the ground. "{Soon, Father,}" I assured him. 

**KATARINA:**

I was aware of my surroundings long before I was awake. It was quiet and still. I could hear the TV coming from somewhere far away, but I was alone in the room. I breathed deep, taking in the faint smell of incense. April had burned it last night. It was so easy for her to fall asleep here; she was so comfortable. But I was not so lucky. I had watched the glowing numbers on the clock change for hours. It was after 4:30 when I finally slipped away. 

From that point, I was up every half-hour until ten. Then I somehow fell into a deep, dreamless sleep and didn't wake up again for... a long time. I had to get to work soon, I was sure. I hadn't looked at the clock yet, but I figured it was at least 2:00. I didn't think I'd _moved _since ten. I was sore all over, and I stretched with my eyes still closed. I was comfortable and warm. I didn't want to have to open my eyes and remember where I was. 

I rolled onto my back and raised my hand to my forehead, rubbing away a slight headache. I opened my eyes to darkness and realized that the time of day had no effect on this place. Turning my head, I glanced at the clock and saw that it was almost 5:00! I bolted upright, shocked. I'd slept through the entire day! And I was two hours late for work! 

I stumbled to my feet and tripped toward the door, throwing it open. One of them was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. He looked up as I stepped into his line of sight. I froze. I hadn't thought about what I was going to say when I saw them. "Hey," he greeted. 

"Hi," I answered hesitantly. I looked around. "Where's April?" _Or Leo_, I added silently. 

"She went to work. Said for you not to worry about it, they got someone to cover for you." 

I nodded slowly. "She should've woken me up," I mumbled. "I could've gone in." 

He shrugged. "She didn't seem to think so. Besides, how would you explain that?" 

He pointed and I looked down at my hands and the raw, red marks circling my wrists. "I... I don't know," I answered truthfully. 

"I don't think we've been formally introduced," he smiled after a moment of silence. "I'm Michaelangelo. You can call me Mike." 

I forced a smile. I knew his name. Leonardo talked about him, and his other brothers. It hadn't taken me long to figure out who they were by their descriptions. Raphael was the easiest to pinpoint: violent, angry, dark. I'd watched him for all of an hour and I could already tell he was different. A firey tongue and a bitter secret separated him from the world. He scared and fascinated me at the same time. 

"Kat," I introduced. "But I guess you probably already know that." 

I looked around the still room. "Where is everyone?" I asked. 

"I dunno," he answered. "Out somewhere? I don't keep track." 

I nodded slowly and caught a glimpse of the small black and white TV. "What are you watching?" I asked. 

"Old stuff. Black and white. Not that you could _tell _with this TV." 

His voice held a hint of bitterness. I smiled faintly, wondering what the story was but not daring to ask. "Some of the best films are in black and white," I mumbled. "Nowadays every plot is the same. There's no new ideas, really." 

He grinned, but said nothing. I sat down on the couch next to him and, for a moment, we watched the actors. I stole another nervous glance at him. "Hey, you guys aren't gonna, like, kill me while I sleep, are you?" I asked hesitantly. 

He laughed. "What kind of a question is that?" 

"Well, I mean... I know Raphael isn't exactly thrilled with me being here. He's not gonna go psycho or anything, is he?" 

He smiled and placed a hand on my shoulder. "Just give it some time, babe. He'll warm up to you. He's just... antisocial, that's all." 

I smiled back, still not quite reassured, and turned my attention to the TV. 

**LEONARDO:**

Kat spent the evening in the living room. It took a few hours, but she finally started to loosen up. By the time Mike and Donny left to go pick up a pizza, she was smiling. They invited her to come, but she'd refused. I was glad. I needed to talk to her before Raph showed up. God only knew where he was; I was just glad it wasn't here. 

"Your brothers are nice," she smiled as I turned the TV off. 

"Yeah," I agreed. "We don't get a lot of company down here so... I think they like just being able to interact with someone other than each other." 

She smiled. "I don't think Raphael likes me, though," she informed me. 

"He doesn't like anyone," I answered. "Don't take it personally." 

"He gave me this look, when he came through here earlier," she explained. "Didn't say anything, just... that look." 

"I know," I sympathized. 

"Kinda scares me," she admitted, looking away. 

"Live and let live, Kat," I advised. "I doubt he'll mess with you unless you start it." 

"He messes with _you_," she reminded me. 

I smiled. "He's my brother. He feels he has a right to." 

She shook her head silently, looking away. "Don't worry about it, Katarina," I advised. "He's..." I wanted to say harmless, but I caught myself. Raphael was anything but harmless. "He's alright." 

She said nothing, and there was a moment of silence. "Kat," I finally sighed, walking around the couch. I sat down on the armrest. "I realize you were covering my ass last night when you didn't tell them that you knew me and believe me, I'm grateful for that." 

She grinned at me. "It was nothing." 

"But I also realize that in covering our friendship, you might not have been able to tell us everything. And I need to know, how much do you really know about what they wanted with you?" 

She glanced away. "They didn't say anything about... you specifically. They just..." She sighed. "It was an impression I got. They didn't talk to me, and I couldn't understand most of what they were saying to each other." 

"Why?" 

"It was muffled. And I was confused. I think they drugged me or something." 

"But there was a woman?" 

"I think so. Leo, I really don't know." 

I sighed deeply and closed my eyes, considering the situation. "How do you... feel? About going back?" 

She swallowed hard. "I don't know," she mumbled. "I mean, it would be different if Madonna was there, you know? If there were two of us. But... no, I don't want to be alone." 

I nodded slowly. I understood. And I couldn't say I blamed her. "You can stay here as long as you need to," I offered. 

She stared at me. "What about Raphael? He's not gonna like that." 

"Let me handle Raph." 

"I don't want to cause a problem," she mumbled. "Maybe I could just stay with April." 

"No," I protested. "They took you from April's house. I don't think she'd deter them from doing it again." 

"And Madonna would?" she smiled. 

"Madonna can kick my ass if she's mad enough," I joked. 

Kat laughed. "Right. Except that Madonna's never studied martial arts in her life." 

We smiled about that for a moment, then the atmosphere turned serious again. "Kat, I want you to stay here," I mumbled. "But there's just one thing." 

"What?" 

I sighed. "I think... you already figured this out, but I just wanted to make sure." My eyes met hers. "Please don't tell them anything about Madonna." 

She nodded. "I know, Leo. I won't." 

"Thank you." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

"Look what we found," I smiled as April stepped off the ladder. 

Leo and Kat looked up from where they'd been talking on the sofa. April took her high heel shoes off. "You know how hard it is to come down a ladder in heels and a skirt?" she mumbled. 

Donatello followed her, and Raph. We'd run into him, too. Leo stood. "Have a good show?" Kat asked April. 

"Yeah, it was okay," she answered. "Little bit of a switcher tour in the first block because we had a new TD." 

"Really?" Kat asked. "Who's TDing?" 

"What's a TD?" I asked. I didn't know the first thing about TV "lingo". 

"Amy," April answered Kat first. "Leason directed." She turned to me. "A TD is the person who punches the buttons to take the shots." 

I nodded and April turned back to Kat. "How are you?" she asked. 

"Okay," Kat nodded. 

"It's supposed to pour tonight," April informed. "So if you need to go anywhere, I recommend doing it before the sewers get flooded." 

Kat nodded. Raph and Leo exchanged intense glances. I remembered that Donny had the food. 

I didn't like the tension in the room, and I decided to change the mood. Music. Don went into the kitchen and I went over to the CD player. A moment later, Christina Aguilera blared from the speakers. "Oh, gag me!" Raph complained, reaching for a slice of pizza. 

"Hey, there's nothing wrong with Christina Aguilera," Kat defended. 

I raised an eyebrow at her, surprised by her boldness. It wasn't every day someone decided to stand up to Raph. Especially when it wasn't a matter of life and death. She smiled and winked at me. I smiled back, not sure how else to react. I wondered what Leo had said to her while I was away... 

***

"I don't trust her," Raphael mumbled as Katarina disappeared up the ladder with April and Donny. They were going to Kat's apartment to get clothes. 

Leo turned to look at him. "Raph, you don't trust anyone." 

It was the beginning of a fight, but I didn't feel like getting up. They would argue for a few minutes and Raph would storm out of here. Leo would go off and meditate somewhere and it would get quiet again. I was comfortable enough on the couch to wait it out. I looked back at the TV as a cop car smashed into a wall during a high-speed chase. 

"Somethin's not right, Leo. Even _you _can see that. But you still invite her to stay here even when you _know _there's something wrong! How easy would it be for her to slit our throats when we're not expecting it?" 

"If she was going to do that, she would've done it already," Leo cut in. 

Raph stared at him, shocked. "What the hell, Leo! Ain't you always the one telling us to be careful about...?" 

"Yes," Leo interrupted. "But what do you want me to do, Raph?" 

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Raph yelled. "You're supposed to be the one who tells all of us _we're _being..." 

"What's she gonna do, Raph?" Leo interrupted, starting to lose the measured tone in his voice. I glanced at him, surprised. In all the fighting he did with Raphael, he was always the calm one. "She gonna take on all four of us? On _our _turf? If she was going to do anything, it wouldn't be here." 

And for once, Leo's argument was lacking. Raph was right, and he was going to rip him apart on this one. The more comfortable we got, the more we lowered our guard. Hell, look at how comfortable we'd gotten with April. If she ever turned on us, we'd sit there and stare at her with our mouths gaping while she killed us all. But I also knew what was happening here. Leo was getting frustrated, because he knew something he was trying to hide. He had a reason why he trusted her, but he didn't want to explain it. So he was using evidence that he knew wasn't very credible to prove something he knew was right. 

"How much you think it's worth to Shredder, huh?" Raphael challenged. "You think he wouldn't give her anything she wanted just for telling him where we're staying?" 

"You're being ridiculous, Raph," Leo sighed. 

Raphael stared at him for a moment, a shocked look on his face. "_Tell _me you don't really believe that," he pleaded. "Because if you do, she's got you more blinded than I thought." 

I looked up suddenly. Uh oh. I caught the accusatory tone in Raph's voice just as plainly as Leo did. Leonardo stared in apparent confusion. "Just what are you implying?" he demanded. 

I knew exactly what Raph was implying, and I couldn't help but think that it was hitting below the belt. My eyes darted back and forth between the two of him, concerned that this was going to get out of hand. It wouldn't be the first time. Raph and Leo had come inches from _killing _each other on more than one occasion. I hoped that this would not be another. 

I felt along my waist, checking for my weapons reflexively. _What the hell good will that do? _I asked myself as I realized what I was implying. It was damn near suicide to get between them. Donny and I had pulled them apart before, and I'd suffered a black eye in the process. Without Splinter to mediate, there were no boundries, no rules. When they went at it, it was best to duck and run. The tension in the room skyrocketed as I considered what course of action I might have to take. 

Raph smiled wickedly. "Oh, come on, Leo. You think it's hard to see the way you're all over her? You think I can't tell? You think I'm stupid?" 

I looked to see how Leo would respond. He looked as if he'd just been punched in the stomach. Raph was reveling in his success. Leo didn't have many weak spots, but it seemed Raph had found one of them. "I don't know what you're talking about," Leo choked. It was weak. It would've been better if he hadn't said anything at all. Raphael had won this round, and it was better to just walk away. _Oh,_ please _just walk away..._

"Oh, you don't know what I'm talking about?" Raphael challenged, painfully twisting the invisible dagger he'd attacked with. "She that 'personal business' you had to take care of the other night? Secret love affair we ought to know about? Maybe you'll tell us in the same breath that you tell us she's pregnant, huh?" 

_That _was harsh. And Raph was pushing it. Leo wouldn't do that, and we all knew it. But the implication was a serious enough insult. I saw anger flood Leo's face and I tensed. "You have no right..." he growled. 

"You're putting my life in danger, Leo, I have every right." 

"It's not _like _that!" 

"Well, whatever it's like, I don't think Splinter would have..." 

The mention of Splinter put Leo right over the edge. "Screw you, Raph!" he yelled, his fists clenching at his sides. "You have no_idea _what Splinter would..." 

"I'd rather screw her, but you've probably already tended to that!" Raph shot back, cutting him off. 

I stared at them in total shock, ready to be on my feet in an instant if either of them moved. Leo wasn't one to normally shoot insults like that. That was Raph's job. Leo tended to be the calm, collected, patronizing one. 

They stared each other down. Raphael's hands fell to his weapons in a silent, dangerous challenge. He made no move to attack, but the fire in his eyes made his willingness apparent. The silence continued, electricity sparking between the two of them. I watched, trying to think of something that I could say or do to end the nervous silence. But my voice caught in my throat and I knew all I could do was watch and be ready to commit suicide if either of them actually drew a weapon. 

It took a full thirty seconds before Leo turned and stormed out of the room. Raph watched him go, a wicked smile crossing his face. I glared at him. Part of me wanted to smack him for being such a jerk. If Leo _did _like Katarina, Raph wasn't being fair about it. But part of me knew he was right. Not that Leo was sleeping with her, but there was definately something between them. They'd known each other long before last night, and I wasn't the only one who'd figured that out. 

**LEONARDO:**

I heard a knock on the door. It wasn't hard to figure out who it was. I doubted Raph was going to be coming by to apologize and Donny was with April and Kat. That left Mike. But I didn't want to talk. "Go away," I called. 

The door cracked open in defiance of my request. "You okay?" Michaelangelo asked. 

I closed my eyes, keeping my head turned to the wall. "Fine." 

"That wasn't exactly a fair fight," he mumbled. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say to that. 

Mike said nothing and there was a long, calming silence. I closed my eyes and breathed deep. Then I turned onto my back and looked up at my brother. He was leaning against the dresser, his arms crossed over his chest and a look of concern written on his face. "You know he's wrong, right?" I mumbled. 

"'Bout what?" 

"Me and Katarina?" 

He shrugged. "No, I don't know that. But I don't think it was fair that he threw it in your face, whether it's true or not." 

"It's _not _true!" I practically yelled, bolting upright. 

He uncrossed his arms and held them up in surrender. "Hey, bro, I'm not tryin' to fight with you!" he laughed. "I believe you, okay? But I can also see where Raph gets his argument." 

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and buried my face in my hands. "I knew her, okay?" I admitted. "We'd run into each other. But it's not like Raph thinks. I just don't want her to get hurt because of me." 

"Because of you?" he repeated. 

I looked up and caught his stare. "Who do you think that friend she mentioned is? Who's involved with the foot? They're after her because of me." 

There was a long silence as he considered my confession. I knew my secret was safe with him. The only one I was really _worried _about was Raphael. I didn't want him to know _anything _if I could avoid it. 

I felt hopelessness creep over me. He made me so angry! Nobody on Earth could push my buttons like he did. Arrogant, impulsive... and my brother. That was the hardest thing. I loved him and hated him at the same time. I didn't know what to do with him. And I didn't know what to do with myself. 

I wanted nothing more than to sort through some much-needed advice. But that wasn't possible anymore. That time was gone. "You know, sometimes I really miss him," I finally whispered. 

"I know, Leo," he mumbled. He immediately knew who I was talking about. "I miss him, too." 

"Just... those times when I could really use his advice." 

He was quiet for a moment. "Well, I'm not Splinter, but I can give you some advice of my own right now. If you'll be honest with me." 

I looked up. "What?" I asked, although the part about being honest let me know that he still didn't believe me about Katarina. 

"Do you like her?" 

I sighed. He wasn't going to believe me. And I wasn't about to tell him about Madonna. Her face flashed across my mind and I realized that I missed her already. It had only been two days. "Like as in how, Mikey? Like as in the way I like April? Yeah, sure, I like her. But I'm _not_ sleeping with her. I don't like her _that _way." 

He considered that for a moment. "Okay," he answered. "I believe you. But Leo..." I looked up and met his gaze. "You_ do _realize that Raph has a point. I mean, about her being dangerous." 

I sighed. "I know," I mumbled. "But it's not exactly blind trust." 

"Maybe you should tell Raph that." 

I laughed cynically. "Are you kidding? Mike, I don't want to promote any more temper tantrums, okay? He'll freak out and you know it." 

"Why?" 

I sighed. "Because, Mikey, think about it. I mean, he'd be right, too. I tell him to be careful and not to go out and sleep around and then I..." I stopped. 

"I thought you said you weren't sleeping with her," Mike finished. 

I stood up, frustrated. "I'm not!" I growled. "But just the fact that I _know_ her. And that I've continued to... socialize with her." 

He sighed. "I still think you should tell him." 

I turned to him and took hold of his shoulders. "No. And you're not going to either." 

The statement was somewhere between a threat and a plea. He stared at me for a moment before shaking his head slowly. "No, Leo," he sighed. "You know I won't." 

**KIARA:**

Their weapons locked, but only briefly. As soon as the attack came, then the counterattack. They were fast. I watched from the shadows, hidden behind the cracked-open door and ready to bolt if one of them approached. I knew I was safe here. As long as all four of them were all in the room, I was in no danger of being discovered. I could watch them as those before me had: in awe and subtle fear. 

There was no doubt that they were _ninjas_. Their movements were far to smooth and fast to suggest otherwise. To kill in a single blow, and do it silently... They could, I knew. They chose not to remain silent, using their cries to heighten the adrenaline that flowed in the room. And of course, they weren't really trying to kill each other. But even one poorly aimed blow, even one weapon not pulled just short of contact, and they easily _could_ kill each other. That was the art of it, and the excitement. 

I watched the two of them spar, while the others looked on. Donatello and Raphael on the mat, Leonardo and Michaelangelo talking quietly against the wall. I couldn't hear what they were saying, and there was no way to get near them without being seen. Suddenly, Michaelangelo started toward the door. He didn't say where he was going, but it was obvious he was leaving. I jumped back and retreated to safety. 


	5. Tensions

**A few more things I don't own:   
"Carnival" (Tori Amos), "Custard Pie"/Physical Graffiti (Led Zeppelin), "Heartbreaker" (Mariah Carey), "Too Legit to Quit" (MC Hammer), "Control" (Puddle of Mudd), "Ice Ice Baby"/"Ninja Rap" (Vanilla Ice), a black convertible. Please don't sue. **

KATARINA: 

"That's pathetic," I observed, watching the staged fight. Hollywood made an incredible show of martial arts. It wasn't even close to being believable. 

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Raphael's smug grin. I shot him a nasty look and he smiled back. "What's so amusing?" I asked cautiously. I wasn't fooling anyone, least of all myself. Raph still scared the crap out of me. But Leo was right about one thing: if I stayed out of his way, he stayed out of mine. This was the first time our paths had really crossed since I'd first arrived, and he hadn't spoken word one to me. But that look had said more than words ever could. 

He shook his head, still smiling slyly. "You talk big," he informed me. "Can you do better?" 

Donatello turned, shooting a questioning glance at Raph's challenge. I leaned back on the couch and crossed my arms over my chest. He was at ease, almost _mellow_. For the first time, I didn't feel threatened by him. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that he was drinking. I wondered what he was like when he was drunk, since a few beers seemed to mellow him out, rather than aggravate him. I would've guessed him to be an angry drunk, but maybe I'd been wrong. 

"I could kick _your _ass," I grinned. 

"Woah, Raph," Mike laughed. "Sounds to me like a challenge." 

Raph and I locked stares. He was still smiling, as if he were amused by the idea. I couldn't really kick his ass, and I knew it. I had studied martial arts my entire life, but I was not _ninja_. I could hold my own, but eventually he'd wear me out. It could be fun, nevertheless. I was sort of surprised; the one who didn't want me here was the first one to invite me to the mat. 

I raised my eyebrows, waiting for him to make a move. He stood, finished his beer, and gestured toward the training room. "Let's go," he invited. 

***

We faced each other on the mat, vaguely aware of Mike and Don standing along the wall, watching with amusement. _You first_, Raphael's eyes communicated. 

_No, I insist, _I smiled back. 

No further words, no thoughts, just movement. His hand lashed out, toward my face, and I knocked it aside. His other hand was already halfway to my sternum, the heel of his palm ready to connect. I reached my left hand to grab his right wrist and held on with a firm grip as I spun to the right. Had he been anyone else, I could have kicked him and used my grasp on his arm to throw him to the floor. But he saw it coming and I had to let go. If I hadn't, he could've snapped my wrist, since turning put me in a vulnerable position. The kick sliced through the air as he jumped back. He attacked again before I'd even come to a standstill and I dodged expertly. 

It lasted nearly twenty minutes before I could feel myself wearing down. Twenty minutes in constant motion. It was the best workout I'd had in a long time. There was no thinking involved. There was no time for it. For twenty minutes, reflexes guided my very existence. 

Then, I missed a beat. He dropped and swept my feet out from under me. Before I could even register what had happened, I was flat on my back, staring up at him. He gripped my wrists painfully on either side of my head as I gasped and tried to catch my breath. Instinctively, I struggled; it didn't even faze him. He was surprisingly strong. I stopped and stared up at him. His breathing came hard, but steady; his eyes sparked with hidden excitement. I waited for him to let me up, but he held me fast, reveling in his victory. 

I studied him carefully as he held me down, fully expecting to feel fear at being this close to him. Moreover, he was holding me in a vulnerable position and I was powerless to do anything about it. Surprisingly, I discovered that I _wasn't _scared. There was a look in his eyes that I hadn't seen before. Maybe it hadn't been there. Or maybe it just took a close encounter like this to reveal it. His eyes were deep, hiding secrets that perhaps he himself didn't know. Eyes were the windows to the soul... 

I could get lost in those eyes. 

He didn't let me up, even as our breathing quieted. The vengeful smile fell and we stared at each other, inches apart. I felt his weight on me, holding me to the floor. He wasn't just keeping me from attacking him anymore. He knew I wouldn't. 

"Hmm..." Don cut in. I started, having forgotten that he was watching. "Do I detect a hint of sexual tension in the room?" 

Immediately, Raphael was on his feet. He pointed his finger at his brother. "Watch it, Donny," he threatened. "Or you'll be next." 

I sat up slowly as Raph pushed his way past his smiling brothers and vanished. I watched him leave, still stunned by what I had seen. 

**SHREDDER:**

She sat on the windowsill, staring out the open window into the night. A glass of something carbonated was in her delicate fingers, resting on her bent knee. She ran her finger up and down as drops of condensation trickled down the glass. I watched her, mildly amused by the far-away look in her eyes. She didn't know I was here. 

She leaned her head back against the window frame and sighed deeply, deep in thought. "You look much like your mother." 

She jumped, springing to her feet as the glass slipped from her fingers. She clutched the robe surrounding her tightly as the glass hit the floor and shattered, spilling clear, fizzing liquid all over the tile. It pooled at her feet as she breathed hard, startled. "I..." she stammered, bowing her head respectfully. "I didn't hear you come in." 

I nodded in return. That much was evident. She swallowed hard, still clutching the robe with white knuckles. Her face had flushed red, though she tried to hide it by keeping her head down. "What, uh," she choked. "What can I do for you?" 

I approached her slowly and saw her tense. "Tell me what you were thinking," I suggested. 

She didn't move. She made no attempt to answer. She cast her eyes to the floor as I came closer. My presence intimidated her. I knew that. "Some fantasy I should know about?" 

"No," she lied, her eyes remaining downcast. 

I studied her carefully. There was no question that she wasn't being honest. I decided not to make her admit what I already knew. "You must do something for me," I informed her. 

She nodded obediently, but said nothing. 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

I was laying on my bed, reading comic books in the dim light from a candle, when I heard a tinkling music start from the living room. It was quiet and unintrusive, but I immediately knew I was going to have to investigate. I was far too nosy to ignore the unfamiliar sound. 

I opened the door silently and slipped out into the room. Kat stood at the CD changer, her head back and her arms crossed gracefully over her chest. She turned and swayed with the slow, gentle music, running her hands over her body as she raised them above her head. I watched, interested. She thought she was alone. And with reason, since Donny and Leo were both out and Raph and I had gone "to bed" almost three hours ago. 

She buried her fingers in her hair and hugged her arms across her chest, rolling her shoulders as she bent her knees and lowered herself halfway to the floor. _I sing to the sun in the sky..._

I recognized the song. It was by Tori Amos, but I couldn't think of what it was called. At any rate, it was far less interesting than the girl who was dancing to it. Rising again, Kat opened her eyes and turned to see me. I tensed. I hadn't really _meant _to be spying on her, and I hoped she wouldn't get mad. 

She wasn't mad. She smiled warmly at me and held her hands out in an invitation, still swaying back and forth gently. I shook my head, smiling back. "I don't know how," I explained. 

She approached me gracefully and took my hands in hers, pulling me into the open space in the room. She guided one of my hands around her waist and held the other, raising it to the side. She rested her head on my shoulder and swayed back and forth. I couldn't help but move with her, but I felt awkward. _I'll sing while he plays his guitar..._

I rocked back and forth in a set, steady movement. Then, over her shoulder, I saw Raphael. I wasn't sure when he had opened the door to his room. But he was standing in the frame, a bottle of beer in his hand, watching with apparent amusement. Kat turned her head and saw him, but turned back to me. Uneasy and still feeling like I was going to trip over my own two feet, I wanted him to take over. But I didn't say anything. Luckily, I didn't have to. 

He approached, still holding the bottle, and I stepped back from Kat. She looked up at me, questioning, and then saw Raphael. He held out his free hand and I took another step back. Kat smiled at him and took his invitation, grabbing the drink from his other hand. She raised it to her lips and I watched, shocked, as she tilted it upside down, draining half of it. Raph stared at her for a moment, mirroring my surprise. 

She turned her attention back to him and draped her arms over his shoulders. She held the bottle behind his head as he slipped both hands around her waist. She rolled her shoulders, rubbing against him, and he moved in perfect rhythm with her. I watched, interested. I never knew Raph could dance. Not that I had ever_ asked _him. But it shocked me, for some reason. 

They didn't just rock back and forth, they melted into each other, each movement an extension of the last. _Will true love come my way on this magical day... _The song got quiet, in anticipation of the increased tempo to come. Kat brought the beer to her lips again, finished the rest of it, and dropped the empty bottle on the couch next to her. _Or will love only live in my..._

She met the increased pace with passion. Raph reacted. She raised her arms over her head and he ran his hands over her sides. She continued to sway, faster now, more seductive. She rubbed hard against his leg and turned so that he was at her back. His hands circled her waist, catching on her T-shirt as she lowered herself a few feet and raised back up. She tilted her head back, resting it on his shoulder, and he ran his fingers over her throat. 

He breathed on her neck and I almost expected him to do more, but he didn't. They danced dirty, and I was confused by the fact that this was the girl that he and Leo had been fighting about. He hated her. How could he dance like that with her? I remembered Donny's comment about the sexual tension when they had sparred and smiled. He didn't know how right he was! 

The passion of the song increased. She breathed hard, incorporating her gasps into her movements. The instruments mimicked her. Raphael's hands trailed down her body, over her hips to her legs. Then, abruptly, it was over. The song cut out in the midst of the orgasm and left the two of them standing, pressed against each other. She breathed hard for a moment. They pulled away slowly in the momentary silence and another song started. I didn't recognize it. It wasn't by Tori Amos, though. She must have put more than one CD in. 

I said nothing as she and Raph looked at each other for a moment. She leaned over the couch and picked up the empty bottle, holding it out to him. "I drank your beer," she confessed. 

He smiled. "I see that." 

She grinned back. "I'm sorry." 

"S'okay. I've got more." 

"Really?" she challenged. "How much more?" 

He eyed her suspiciously as she began to sway to this new song. It wasn't slow, it wasn't seductive. It was a fun song, though I couldn't tell who it was by. It was mostly electronic mixing, not a lot of words. She smiled as she started to dance again and turned to me. She held out her hand, beckoning silently. Raph turned and headed toward the kitchen as she wrapped herself in my arms and began to move back and forth. 

Raphael returned a moment later with a six pack of beer, a dark-colored bottle of liquor, and a pitcher of what looked like orange juice. He set the collection on the end table and walked away again. Kat danced over to the table and picked up the tall bottle, inspecting it. "Ninety proof?" she laughed as Raph returned. "You're serious about this drinking thing, aren't you?" 

He shrugged and handed her a glass. She poured liquor it into the orange juice and swirled it. Then she poured the mixture into the glass. She took a sip, then turned and offered it to me. I eyed it suspiciously, making no attempt to take it. 

"He doesn't drink," Raph informed her. 

She glanced at him, then back at me, still holding the glass out. I wasn't necessarily agreeing. I was willing to try it. Hesitantly, I took it out of her hand. "You don't have to," she assured me. 

I raised the glass to his lips and sipped it. It was orange juice, but there was another taste mingled in it. A sweet, strong taste. Surprisingly, it was really good. I didn't like beer, and somewhere along the line, I'd gotten the impression that all alcohol tasted like that. But this was good. Kat smiled and grabbed a beer out of the six pack. The song changed again. 

"Led Zeppelin?" Raph asked. "I wouldn't have guessed you were a Led Zeppelin fan." 

"Not a fan, persé," she corrected. "But I like some of their songs. I like this album." 

"Physical Graffiti, right?" 

"Yeah." 

They talked about a topic I knew nothing about. It didn't matter. I was content to just stand here and sip at this new concoction. Kat raised her arms above her head and swayed her hips back and forth. She set the opened bottle on the table and grabbed Raph's wrist. He didn't hesitate. I watched them with amusement. 

Kat almost backed into me and I tried to jump back. She reached behind her and ran her fingers over my shoulder before turning to face me. I moved with her, trying to match her movements, not really succeeding. "Don't try," she instructed. "Just listen to the words of the song." 

"I don't _understand _the words of the song," I admitted. 

"That's probably a good thing," Raph grinned. 

Through the next couple of songs, Katarina taught me how to dance. 

**KATARINA:**

I rolled my shoulders with my hips, rubbing up against him. Already a little buzzed, he stepped past his self-imposed boundaries and I felt his hands slip around my waist. Not nearly so experienced, or so bold, as Raph, I coaxed him to movement. _Heartbreaker, you got the best of me... But I just keep on coming back..._

"You sing good," he slurred. 

I hadn't realized I was singing out loud. I smiled as I ran my hands up his arms. I felt Raph approach behind me and place his hands on my shoulders. I raised my arms above my head and felt him press in close, moving to my rhythm. Mikey backed off and I turned to face Raphael. "I should've known right from the start you'd go and break my heart..." 

Raph wore me out, and I was not exactly virgin to dancing. We danced through one song and drank through the next. I needed time to recuperate, after all. Occasionally, as he drank more, Mikey would step up. I welcomed him, and Raph would take the opportunity to mix more drinks. We had already gone through an entire bottle of liquor and two six packs. I was surprised I wasn't flying. 

"So you two gonna keep me up all night?" Mikey asked as Raph and I parted and I wandered back to the table where I'd left my drink. 

I glanced at him. "No, we'll shut all this down when you go to sleep," I assured. 

"Or when Leo comes home," Raph added. "Whichever happens first." 

I smiled at the thought. Yes, Leonardo would probably have a heart attack if he walked in now. Mike was more than a little drunk, and I was getting pretty close. Raph... well, Raph was still okay. I was sure Leo would find something wrong with him, though. Perhaps just that he was being a "bad influence" on me. I had to laugh at that. Poor Leo. He was a great guy, but he didn't have a clue. 

"Tha's not what I meant." 

I looked at Raph. He looked at Mike. "And what, _exactly_, did you mean?" he questioned. 

Mikey smiled. "Just that th'two a you look like yer ready to git it on right here in the living room. I can't guess was gonn' happen when I go ta bed." 

I smiled, holding my glass in front of my lips. He was_ so _smashed. He probably wouldn't remember _half _of this tomorrow. "Hate to tell you this, bro, but it's only dancing," Raph answered, tipping his beer again. 

"Is it?" I teased. 

He shot me a warning look and I stuck my tongue out at him. He knew I was kidding. At least, he'd _better _know I was kidding. 

"You know, we're all gonna have one hell of a hangover in the morning if we keep this up," he informed me. 

I looked at the table, surprised by just how much alcohol we had consumed. "Yes we are," I agreed. 

He laughed under his breath as the song changed again. Mike choked on his drink and Raphael and I laughed. "MC Hammer?" he gasped. "You have MC Hammer?" 

I wasn't sure why he was surprised by that. Half of the songs I had played were from the early nineties. But then I remembered, he was drunk. I was surprised he was aware enough to distinguish that this _was _MC Hammer. 

"Too legit to quit," Raph mumbled, recognizing the words to the song. 

"You remember those little hand tricks that used to go with this song?" I asked. 

Raph smiled, but didn't answer. He was getting buzzed, I could tell. So was I, for that matter. In fact, I'd been a little out of it for the past half hour. 

Mike stumbled to his feet and I drank deeply from the glass. I finished the drink, wondered what number it was, and stood up to meet him. "Reminds me of my early clubbing days," I mumbled, listening to the lyrics. "Although I was too young to be half-drunk back then." 

"I never went clubbing," Mike informed me. 

"Really?" I asked, shocked. Raph shot me a pathetic look from his comfortable-looking position on the couch and I smiled sheepishly as I considered the thought. "Oh, yeah. Guess it would be hard." 

Mike took my hands as I began to move with the music, swaying my hips. "So where'd you learn how to dance Raph?" I asked as I raised my arms, taking Mike's hands with me. He didn't answer. 

Mikey wasn't holding back anymore. It was rather amusing, actually. He ran his fingers down my arms and moved with me. He actually wasn't a bad dancer when he let go. I just had to get him drunk to make him let go. 

As the song came to a close, I wondered what was going to play next. I had five different CDs in there, and they all had different songs on them, from various artists. The song began with a violent-sounding electric guitar and drums. Mike took a step back, laughing. "Come on, Raph, this one's definitely more you than it is me." 

The hard electric guitar and drums echoed off the high ceiling. Raphael looked up. I glanced at him and raised my eyebrows. He polished off a shot as he stood up and walked over to me, holding out his arms in invitation. I stepped close to him, feeling his hands circle my waist. We moved to the same rhythm and I breathed hard, a reaction to the alcohol, the excitement, and the exhaustion. "I love the way you look at me," he sang quietly, almost silently. 

Raph singing. Yep. He was drunk. But surprisingly, he actually didn't sound that bad. 

"I feel the pain you place inside..." 

_You lock me up inside your dirty cage... Well, I'm alone inside my mind... _I mouthed the words as I felt his hands run down my sides. 

"I like to teach you all the rules," he continued. I tilted my head back as I rubbed against him. "I get to see them set in stone..." 

I looked back at him and felt his movements control mine. We were so close, we were breathing air right out of each other's mouths. I felt lightheaded, still tasting the sharp alcohol in the back of my throat. His hands roamed over me as I swayed lower to the ground. I stepped back as I rose again and he didn't try to follow me. I raised my arms over my head and felt the hard beats of the music. I was _way _too drunk to headbang, but I could move the rest of my body. 

I didn't really know what he was doing while I lost myself in the depths of the song. I didn't really care. When I opened my eyes, I found him nearer than I expected him to be. That was okay. But I wondered whether it was him or me who had taken the step forward. 

"I love the way you look at me," I whispered. 

"I love the dirty things you do when I have control of you." 

What little space there was between us was electrified. Our lips were inches apart. The urge was... 

I snapped out of it just before I connected, shocked and horrified by my own impulses. What the hell was I _doing_? Just dancing. And that was all I _wanted _it to be. What was _wrong _with me? 

I was drunk. I was officially smashed. I could feel the alcohol surge through my veins. My pulse pounded as the song ended and I found myself centimeters from kissing him. His hand was buried in my hair and I could feel my chest heaving against his. There was a moment of tense silence as we waited for the next song. I brought my eyes to meet his and saw... something. 

I couldn't identify it. Suddenly, I wished I wasn't so smashed. What was he thinking? Had he done this? He must have done it, because I sure as hell didn't. Dirty dancing was one thing, but this... this was something totally different altogether. This was getting out of hand. 

But he backed away as if nothing had happened, leaving me to wonder if anything really had. I was confused, and I knew it was because of the alcohol. But the fact that he was not drunk enough yet to let me do anything I would regret... that comforted me. I watched him grab more alcohol and found myself wondering what might have happened if he weren't still somewhat sober. Would he have tried anything with me? I _really _hoped he wouldn't. 

"Back to the early 90s, huh?" Mike laughed as Vanilla Ice consumed the air around us. 

"Hey, some of the best dance songs were written in the early 90s," I defended, grabbing my glass off the table. I raised it to my lips and tasted the sweet liquid. Raph smiled, leaning against the back of the couch as Mike, standing behind me, took hold of my hips and moved me with the music. 

I held the glass in one hand and placed the other on his. He grabbed my shoulder and turned me to face him. I closed my eyes as we danced and listened to the lyrics of the song, singing them when I could muster the breath. Vanilla Ice. Whatever happened to him? Suddenly, a thought came to mind. I remembered a club I had visited years ago. Vanilla Ice had emceed that party. A party that made the front page of the paper the next day. I had that album... I even had it with me. 

I pulled away from Mike and downed the rest of the drink I was holding. Then I walked over to the CD changer and programmed a new song into the mix. "Whaddaya doin'?" Mike asked. 

I didn't answer him. But as the song stopped and a new one began, I knew I wouldn't have to. The sound of a whistle, and an electronic mix, and Mike's eyes got wide. "Oh, geez," Raphael laughed. 

"Hey, I know this song!" Mikey said. 

I laughed. "You should!" I informed him, taking his hands and pulling him to his feet. "It was written in your honor!" 

"He _actually _recorded this?" Raph asked 

I nodded. "You didn't know?" 

_Yo, it's the green machine... gonna rock the town without bein' seen..._

"I haven't heard this song since..." 

He didn't finish. He didn't have to. "You know, this is a bit of an ego trip," Mike informed me as I stood between him and Raph. 

I laughed and began to move with the music. Memories of that night, where I had just _happened _to see their debut, gave me a new high, drowning out the alcohol. _Ninja... Ninja Rap... Go ninja, go ninja, go... _I felt the energy surge through me, radiating from my fingertips. Drunk and exhausted, we all knew this was the finale. And we gave it our all. 

**LEONARDO:**

_I feel the hot water sting my shoulders and neck, pounding hard on the sore, overworked muscles. I've spent a lot of time sparring over the past week. Whenever I was not at Splinter's side, I hit the mat with whoever would take me on. Most of the time, it was Raph. Most of the time, it was brutal. Anger and frustration, at the world as much as each other, vented in a fury of motion. We never spoke. Words were never necessary. Raph spends his days in practice, his nights in the bars, and his mornings on the streets after the bars closed. I don't know when he sleeps. I doubt he does. _

Where are my brothers? Raphael is probably drunk, maybe with whatever new girlfriend he has now. Who knows what he's feeling, or not feeling, at the moment. He had cut himself off from all of us, including Splinter. He didn't care, when he was dying. Didn't even care enough to come to his side and hear his last request. He showed up to bury him with a hangover, and disappeared without so much as a word when it was over. Anger wells up inside of me, burning the backs of my eyes. 

Donatello had remained at the burial site. He was probably still there, hours later, kneeling in the grass underneath the huge oak tree. We'd laid our father in the woods behind April's farm house. We figured it was safe, and it was proper. 

Michaelangelo... I have no idea where he is. He's probably at home, alone, drowning in the sounds of hard rock music in an attempt to cancel out his tears. He's crying. I can feel him crying. I can feel the hearts of my brothers breaking, throughout the state. And I feel my own tears run, mingling with the steaming water that streams over my face. 

I'm out of the shower. She's asleep on the couch. I lean over the back of the sofa and look down at her. She is wearing a dark green nightgown... or maybe it's a robe... that covers her feet, it's so long. I can't see the front of it, because she's hunched over and curled into a ball, her face away from the back of the couch. Her blond hair rests lightly on her face, and I brush it back gently to see her closed eyes. She is so beautiful. It's sad that she doesn't believe that. 

She breathes slow and deep onto her hands, which are partially under her head. Her fluttering eyelashes tell me she's dreaming, but it isn't a nightmare. The look on her face is quiet, peaceful. 

Peace. 

I run my finger down the side of her face and wonder what she's thinking, what she's dreaming. She moans quietly and her eyelids slowly open. I smile, momentarily forgetting my pain as I see her innocent expression. "What are you doing?" I ask quietly. "You should be in bed, not out here." 

"Oh, I..." she slurs, sitting up. "I didn't mean to..." 

She glances up at me and I smile at her unexplained embarrassment. She smiles back and runs her fingers lightly over the side of my face. The touch sends sparks through me, but she doesn't realize it. She doesn't know how much she means to me. She would be shocked by my emotions; just as shocked as I had been the first time I felt them. I didn't fight them now. I couldn't fight them. I close my eyes and breathe deep, feeling her palm press to my cheek. When I open them again, she's staring at me with a look of surprise. 

"You...?" she starts. But she doesn't finish. I don't press her. 

For a long time, neither one of us says a word. Her face softens, the shocked look still hiding behind her eyes. I feel an overpowering urge to kiss her, but I hold back. She's said nothing to give me permission to do that. 

Then, as unexpectedly as it had begun, the moment is over. She pulls away and stands up, gathering the robe around her. The tie is missing, and underneath it, I can see a hint of sheer, black fabric. "Stay here tonight, Leo," she invites casually, keeping her eyes away from mine. "I mean, you're welcome to stay as long as you want so..." 

She walks past me, still looking away, and I catch her arm, silently begging her not to leave. I want to bring that moment back, when she stared into my eyes and laid a foundation between us. She stops walking, her hair hiding her face. After a long silence, she looks back at me. Inches away, I can see a hidden longing in her blue-green eyes. It isn't words, but it's still permission. 

I turn her to me and let go of her arm, finding her hand. She slips her fingers into mine, and I feel her press close to me. Her lips meet mine and I feel warmth flood through me as our bodies melted together, a desperate longing sealing our fates. I'd never been kissed before. Not like that. The feeling is indescribable... 

***

It was almost noon, and the only one I'd seen so far was Donatello. No, come to think of it, I'd seen Mike, too. I saw him briefly as he stumbled to the bathroom. He was sick, and I left him alone. I didn't really care if Raphael spent the entire day in bed. It was better than listening to him argue with me. 

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the darkness. I ran through the _kata _slowly, paying close attention to every detail. I breathed deep, and suddenly felt a presence in the room. I opened my eyes and turned to see Kat leaning against the door frame. She looked terrible. "You okay?" I asked instinctively, noticing the dark rings under her eyes. 

She nodded and rubbed her forehead. "I got a killer headache," she whispered. "Do you have any asprin?" 

"Yeah, sure, in the kitchen." 

I led the way and produced the bottle of painkillers. She took it gratefully. "You sick, too?" I asked, wondering if she would lie to me. 

She shook her head. The movement seemed to cause her a great deal of pain, and she stopped, moaning as she held her temples. "I... I'm fine." 

"You sure?" 

"Yeah." 

She downed the pills and a glass of water, then forced a smile. "I'm alright, really. How are you?" 

I sighed. "Tired," I mumbled. 

"What time did you get to bed last night?" 

"Late." 

"Yeah, you still weren't home when I crashed, and that was almost two." She inspected me carefully. "Madonna back in town already?" she teased. 

"I wish," I mumbled, placing the pills back in the cabinet. 

She smiled. "That the problem?" 

I glanced at her and crossed my arms over my chest. "What?" 

"Can't sleep even when you lay down?" 

Either she saw right through me, or she was speaking from personal experience. Either way, there was no point in trying to deny what she already knew. I said nothing. "She'll be back soon," she assured me. 

"I know," I shrugged. "And I'll live. I've gone longer than this without seeing her." 

She filled the glass again with water. "Oh, believe me, I know," she told me. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked. 

She smiled and cringed at the same time, raising her hand to her forehead. "She didn't hear from you _one _night and she'd be all worried." 

I smiled at the thought. "Really?" 

"Yeah. And two nights? Oh, god help me." 

I laughed. "I never would've thought that." 

She stared at me with a shocked look on her face. "You're kidding right? She's _incredibly _hung up on you." 

I nodded slowly. "Nice to know." 

She looked away and her eyes closed. "Ah, my head!" she moaned, massaging her temples. 

I leaned back against the counter. "That's what happens when you finish off every drop of alcohol in the house," I chastised. "Especially since I know how much Raph usually keeps around." 

She smiled faintly. "So, you already know," she mumbled. 

"It wasn't hard." 

"Raph tell you?" 

"No, the smell of alcohol, the absence of beer in the fridge, and three hungover people in the place told me." 

She moaned. "Oh, god. Mike." She laughed quietly. "He's gotta be pretty bad. He's never gotten drunk before." 

"I know," I informed her, my voice monotone. 

She stopped and looked at me. "Are you mad?" 

I shrugged. "Not at you." 

"At Raph?" 

I hesitated. She placed a hand on my shoulder. "Don't be mad at him. It was my fault, really. And I'm sorry about Mike, if that bothers you." 

I sighed and shook my head. "He's old enough to make his own decisions." 

She forced a smile and her hand fell from my arm. "Okay. Well, I think I'm gonna go lay down." 

I nodded and she turned away. "Oh," she remembered, turning back to me. "I have some stuff to take care of tonight, so don't freak out when I'm gone, 'k?" 

I nodded and she turned her back to me again. "Kat?" I asked as she left the room. 

She turned slowly to face me again. "Yeah?" 

"You and Raph aren't...?" I started. 

She smiled. "No, Leo," she assured me. 

I breathed a sigh of relief. "Good." 

"But would it bother you if we were?" 

I studied her carefully, stunned by the question. "I don't want to see you get hurt, Kat." 

She nodded. "I understand." 

Without another word, she turned away. 


	6. Mixed Emotions

Mixed Emotions ****

RAPHAEL: 

I was leaning on the cement ledge, staring down at the rain-swept street below when I heard him approach. I didn't bother to turn. I knew who it was. His presence was all too familiar. I held back the urge to shoot some sadistic remark at him. I didn't want to fight right now, but I didn't like that he'd followed me. 

He approached with caution, probably expecting me to blow up at him for showing up here. Rightly so. I valued my privacy above all. And he couldn't have misinterpreted that I had been avoiding him all day. I needed some time to think, and I didn't want him breathing down my neck. 

"You okay?" he asked. 

"Fine," I mumbled. It was the first exchange of words since yesterday afternoon. 

He wasn't sure what to say, I could tell. He was walking on eggshells, trying not to say anything that might set me off. Pathetic, that I could see it so easily. And pathetic, that he had to be so careful. But we both understood. I wanted to be alone. He was pushing me just by showing up here. 

He leaned against the ledge and looked down. We were fifteen stories up, on top of an old building that was half-vacant. The moon was nearly full, and it cast an eerie glow over the rooftops. Down on the streets, two rows of lights, one red and one white, moved like blood through the veins of the city. 

"What happened last night, Raph?" he asked. "With Katarina?" 

"None of your business," I shot back. I'd known it was only a matter of time before he decided it was time to talk about her, but I wasn't ready to fight with him about it. I still wasn't sure what position I was going to take. 

He caught his breath, like he was going to snap back at me, but he didn't. "What is it about her?" he asked quietly. "You can't seem to decide whether you want to kill her or sleep with her, can you?" 

"Shut up, Leo," I glared. His words were just as sharp as they would've been if he'd yelled them. Maybe moreso, because he was so calm, so collected. I hated that. I hated that he was always so calm. 

"You want her to leave?" 

I stared at him. What the hell was he after? He was setting me up for something, but I couldn't tell what. Fine. Two could play at that game. "I want to know why the hell she's here in the first place," I demanded. "And don't lie to me." 

He sighed and there was a moment of silence. "I met her before this whole thing with April," he confessed. Of course he did. That was no surprise. But getting him to admit it was a big step in the right direction. "And I think I may have been the reason why they came after her in the first place." 

"So is that why you trusted her?" I demanded. "You felt guilty?" 

He rested his hand on my shoulder. "I trusted her because I know her. And I need to know if you still want her to leave." 

"Get your hand off me, Leo," I threatened. His hand dropped and he sighed. He was testing me, I could tell. Why was he testing me? What did he want? I didn't like that I wasn't sure. He knew damn well I wouldn't tell him to throw her out. He knew something had happened last night, even if he didn't know what. Hell, _I _still didn't know what had happened. I didn't love her. I wasn't really even attracted to her. But sparks had _definately _flown, and I wasn't too blind to see that. Apparently, Leo wasn't either, and he hadn't even_ been _there. 

I wondered if he'd already talked to her. The thought raised a new question in my mind. What did she say? I hadn't thought of that. Was she as confused as I was? I didn't trust her. But I couldn't deny that there was something there. Something I wasn't ready to face yet. 

I turned and glared at Leo. "Yeah, sure, throw her to the foot clan. Sounds like a great plan to me." He said nothing. "Come on, Leo, if you had _any _intention of doing that, you would've done it already." 

He sighed and looked away. "I know you're probably going to flip out on me for saying this but if you could spare me the dramatics for just a moment..." 

"Leo..." I warned. I didn't like where this was going. He needed to leave. 

"Does she remind you of an old girlfriend or something?" he demanded. I tensed. "Is that why you..." 

"No, Leo," I replied firmly. "She does not." 

"Well, what is it, Raph? I mean, frankly, I'm worried about you two." 

I spun to see him. "Look, Leo, I do _not_ need you to worry about me, okay?" I yelled, jabbing my finger into his chest. 

I spun and left him standing at the ledge, half-wishing he would follow me. I had a serious urge to kick his ass. But I wouldn't strike first this time. I was right, and I wanted to be right all the way. 

****

KIARA: 

I walked into the room and bowed respectfully. "You wanted to see me?" I questioned. 

"{Have you done what I asked?}" 

I sighed, irritated. I should've known this was what he wanted. "{I need more time,}" I informed him. It was the same damn thing I'd said over the phone, and yet he still didn't grasp it. 

"{More time for what?}" he demanded. 

I cast my eyes down, hiding the disrespect I felt. I knew I should not feel this way, and yet I could not help but be angry at the way he pressured me for results. A few months ago, I was incapable of doing anything right. Now, suddenly, his entire purpose in life rested on my shoulders. I couldn't make a mistake, and he didn't want to give me the _time _to be careful. Anger raged inside of me. I had not _asked _for him to assign me this task he deemed impossible. Why had he done it? Was he setting me up to fail? A lesson in humility? I clenched my teeth at the thought. 

__

It is because _you're a woman, _my subconscience argued. _Because even if you are caught somehow, he believes they will not see you as a great threat because you are not a man. The fact that he gave you this assignment has nothing to do with his faith in you._

I hated it, but I knew that was the truth. I also knew that there was truth to the fact that if I failed in something he considered to be simple, he would never let me live it down. And he _did _think it simple, or he never would've handed it to me. If I failed, he would be proven right in every insult he had ever shot in my direction about women's emotions being an unconquerable hindrence to their success. We were the weaker sex; he was a firm believer in that notion, and I wanted nothing more than to prove him wrong. 

"{We must be careful, Father," I reported. "Every one of them is a formidable opponent.}" 

"{I am well aware of that,}" he reminded me. Of course he knew that. He had fought them before, hadn't he? Then why was he so eager to rush me headlong into a battle he, himself, couldn't win? 

"{I will get you what you want,}" I sighed, determined anger sealing the vow. "{But you must give me time.}" 

"{Time for what?}" 

"{To watch. To organize. I still don't fully understand their structure. Each is a threat in their own right, and together they are unstoppable. But in the absence of even one of them, they are weak and vulnerable.}" 

"{So what is the problem?}" he demanded. "{You have easy access to them, as you have for quite some time now. You could disable any one of them with no danger to yourself.}" 

That was _not _true. Surely he knew that. I couldn't just walk up to one of them and kill him, even if I _did _know where they lived and how they worked. But part of me cringed at the realization that, in a way, he was right. I watched them during times when their guard was low, and I had a better chance than anyone of getting to them. 

A thought struck me. Something felt distinctly _wrong _about killing someone while they slept, regardless of the circumstances. "{Would you have me dishonor your name?}" I asked, raising my eyes hesitantly. "{To _murder _them?}" 

The question struck him. He almost looked shocked, as if the thought had never occured to him. No, the thought_ had _occured. He was just surprised that I had brought it out in the open. Murder was a different story altogether. To kill someone in the heat of battle, that was not murder. To die upholding what you believed in, or to kill under those same circumstances, this was honorable. But to kill someone while they were unarmed and unaware? To murder? 

__

Bastard, I thought as I studied him. _That is what you want. With all the teaching you've instilled in me about honor, you would have me commit murder..._

"_Iie_," he protested. "{I would have you understand the enemy.}" 

I smiled faintly, realizing that I'd won this battle. "{Then allow me time to understand them.}" 

He stared at me for a moment, then turned his back on me. I smiled as I left the room. 

****

KATARINA: 

I heard the thunder growl low, resonating through the endless tunnels of the sewers. Alone in the darkness, I was not afraid. I was remembering a time, as a child, that I had crawled under the bed and hid from an angry storm. I was remembering it at three thirty in the morning. 

I sat up and looked around the room, straining to see in the dim light. I wasn't sure what I was looking for. The room was still in the flickering candlelight, shadows dancing on the empty walls. The spare bedroom had nothing but a bed and a desk. That was fine; it was all I needed. I watched the silent spirits dance, playing with the fears of an overactive imagination. 

I lay back down and let out a long, slow breath, closing my eyes and trying to relax. A low grumble resonated through the lair and another round of thunder took its toll on the serene silence. It had to be raining pretty hard outside. The air was electrified, even in the depths of the sewers. 

I sat up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. I had slept for about an hour, very lightly, before Raph had woken me up as he stumbled blindly through the lair, knocking things over. I wasn't sure if he was tripping so much because it was dark, or if the confusion was more a result of his drunkenness. I suppose it was none of my business. 

I ran my fingers through my hair, catching them on a knot. I had not brushed my hair in two days. For that matter, I hadn't showered in that long, either, and I felt gross. It wasn't that I hadn't had ample opportunity. But something about this place still made me nervous. I didn't like the idea of possibly being caught unaware. 

I stood to my feet and wobbled for a second as I remembered how to walk. It was warm and humid down here. I could feel the sweat lining the back of my neck. I pulled my hair up and held it in a ponytail as I headed for the ladder leading to freedom. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I knew I had to get out of here for a few minutes. 

I climbed up into the sewers and wandered through the tunnels under the city. It didn't take me very long to realize I was not alone. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

She stopped underneath a storm drain and stared up at the sky. A wall of rain separated us, but I could still see her clearly. I wasn't sure if she realized I was following her, but something told me she did. Still, I chose not to say anything. I remained in the shadows and watched as she rinsed her hair in the heavy shower falling on her. 

A flash of lightning illuminated her silhouette and I saw how her dark shirt clung to her form. Her jeans hung low on her hips and I could see the outline of her curves in the darkness. I smiled. She had a great body. 

I watched her for a few more minutes before I decided to approach her. I would've been content to just sit and watch her until she was through, but I had a feeling she knew I was there and wouldn't necessarily take that as a compliment. I didn't want to piss her off. I doubted she would appreciate the fascination. 

"Spying on me?" she asked when I was still a few yards away. She _had _known I was there. There was no way she could've heard me and she didn't seem shocked by my approach. I was a little hung over, but I wasn't _that _drunk. I could still move silently. 

"Maybe," I answered. 

She turned her head, but kept her back facing me. "Why?" 

I shrugged. "Why not?" 

She looked away again. "It's not polite, for one thing." 

I smiled to myself. "Whatever gave you the impression that I was polite?" I questioned. 

She swung her soaked hair back over her shoulder, flicking water on me in the process, and spun around. I was stunned for a moment. She smiled at me, resting her hands on her hips. 

"You're staring at my chest, Raph," she informed me. 

I blinked, realizing she was right, and focused on her face, surprised to find that I was actually sort of embarrassed. "Sorry," I apologized. No, I wasn't Romeo. But there were some things that even _I _knew weren't appropriate. 

She smiled and placed her hands on her hips. "See anything interesting?" 

I crossed my arms over my chest. She was playing with me, and I wasn't sure yet if I liked it. "Well, that's not the word I would've used," I told her. 

She stared at me for a long time, rainwater running down her face, and I found myself wondering what she was thinking. Finally, she turned away and sat down on the wooden bench that Don had built along the wall. She wrung her hair out as I sat down next to her. "I want to thank you," she finally mumbled. "For letting me stay here." 

She tossed her hair over her shoulder, catching my eye. I looked away before she could notice me staring again. "Thank Leo," I responded. "His bright idea." 

She leaned back against the wall and crossed her legs. "Well, you'll be happy to know that I won't be here for much longer." 

"Why?" I questioned. 

"I have to go back to work soon," she sighed. "Can't take much more time off. I've already killed all my sick days." 

"Hmm," I acknowledged, studying the rain runoff. "And that's more important than staying alive." I wasn't by any means trying to persuade her to stay. But if she needed all the help Leo thought she did, going back to her everyday routine was not such a wise move at this point. 

She looked at me, a sarcastic expression on her face. "I have to eat, Raph. When this is all over, I need to still have a job. I know that's hard for you to grasp, but it's the way my life works." 

That almost sounded like an insult, but I decided to let it go. "Where is it you work?" I questioned, not looking at her. 

"Channel 3, remember?" 

I knew that. Duh. "Assistant producer, right?" I tried to recover. 

"Yes," she answered. "For the ten o'clock newscast." 

"April's on the five, right?" 

"April is our crime reporter. She only anchors when we need a fill-in." 

Silence engulfed us. I closed my eyes and listened to the rain. A loud clap of thunder paralyzed the serenity of the moment and I remembered that I was not alone. "So do you like it?" I asked. 

"What?" 

"Your job." 

She paused. "I hate it." 

I glanced at her. "Then why are you so concerned about losing it?" 

"Because I still have to eat." 

I nodded slowly, considering her words. In a way, I was glad I didn't live that kind of life. "So is it TV you hate, or just the station?" 

"No, I love TV. And I don't mind the job itself, either. I just don't like the producers I work for." 

"Why not?" 

She shrugged. "They delete everything I write and just rewrite it. There's absolutely no purpose in my being there." 

"Sure there is." She replied with a raised eyebrow. "To get paid." 

She smiled. "I'd like to think my work was accomplishing something in the mean time." She looked away. "I don't suppose that makes any sense to you." 

That was another dig. I glanced at her and saw her hugging her knees to her chest, staring at the shower a few feet away. The look on her face screamed sadness, and I found myself surprised. Even _I _couldn't miss it. "Something wrong?" I asked. 

She shook her head, her eyes fixed on the ground. A flash of lightning lit up the tunnel like a strobe light. I was not the sentimental type, nor was I particularly curious. I left that to Mike and Donny, respectively. I didn't really care what her issue was. But I _was _stubborn, and I didn't like being lied to. "Hey, if you're leaving in the morning, what difference does it really make if you tell me?" I challenged. 

She smiled faintly. "You have a point there." 

"Yeah, every so often, I _do _make sense." 

She dropped her knees and leaned back, hugging her arms over her chest. "You're somethin' else, Raph, you know that?" 

I glanced at her, not quite sure how to take that. She looked back and sighed deeply. "I just... I don't know. I actually kind of like it here. But I know I can't stay." 

"Why not?" 

She laughed. "That an invitation? From you?" 

"No, it's a question." 

"I don't belong here, for one. And for another thing, I know I'm not totally welcome." 

I tensed. The way she said it was more of an accusation than anything else. "I never said you weren't welcome, Kat." 

"Not to my face, no." 

I studied her carefully. "What do you mean by that?" 

She laughed under her breath. "I don't get you, Raphael. I mean, your brothers... I get your brothers. I can figure them out. But I can't..." 

"Psychoanalyze me?" I offered, cutting her off. Her voice was accusatory, and I matched her tone. 

"You really think I'm that stupid, Raph?" she snapped. "You think I don't know how you feel about my being here?" 

I sighed, getting irritated. "Frankly, Katarina, I don't care what you think you know about me or what I feel." 

"What I _think _I know?" she challenged angrily. "You've hated me from the very beginning. You and I both know that; there's no thinking necessary." 

"I don't hate you," I defended. 

"Really?" she snapped. "What do you call it?" 

"I don't trust you," I pointed at her. "Doesn't mean I hate you." 

"Why?" she demanded. "What have I done to betray your trust?" 

"You never had it to begin with," I informed her. 

"Why?" 

I felt anger well up inside of me. None of her business... "I don't trust people," I shot at her. "And if that's so hard for you to figure out, maybe you _are _as stupid as I think you are." 

She sprang to her feet and spun to face me. "You're a jackass, you know that?" 

I smiled wickedly. "Yes." 

Without another word, she spun on her heel and stormed off. I watched her go and the smile fell from my face. I sighed and hid my face in my hands. How the hell had that happened? This wasn't how I had meant for this conversation to end. Did she start that, or did I? I leaned my head back against the wall behind me, feeling the water pound on my legs. A moment later, I stood and walked underneath the cool shower. 

I felt... God, I didn't know _what _I felt. I knew myself well enough to figure out what was happening to me, but I wasn't sure what to do about it. I hadn't been laid in five months. That was a new record for me. But Katarina... Kat was not an option. 

__

Why? 

Good question. _I don't trust her. _

So? What difference does that make, really? 

It made every difference. A year ago, it mattered about as much as the color of her eyes. Today, it was everything. But I'd been down that road too many times. I'd been hurt too many times. So I'd made a decision. It would be one way or the other for me. No more of this, "I love you, but I don't trust you and I know we won't be together long." There would be no attachment, no love at all, just pure sexual attraction. Or there would be _real _love. And the latter would take time. The next time I fell in love, it would be forever. 

Unfortunately, neither opportunity had presented itself in the last five months. 

I wasn't stupid. I was impulsive, but I knew what danger was. I knew it wasn't safe for a lot of people to know we existed, much less how and where. A girl had to be good and drunk before I'd go for a one night stand. She'd better not remember much in the morning. Or, if she did, she could at least blame it on her drunkenness. It had worked, a few times, but not recently. God, so long... 

****

KIARA: 

I watched him from the safety of the shadows. Pitiful, that he wouldn't take the time to make sure he was alone. It wouldn't take much. I knew full well I couldn't hide my presence from a true _ninja_ if he really wanted to find me. All I could do was retreat quickly if I felt him looking. But he didn't bother to look. Arrogant. He thought he was untouchable. 

I was somewhat amused by the scene before me. He _did _have a weakness, though his had been the hardest to determine. Leonardo wanted to be in control; I'd known that long ago. He took more responsibility on himself than he should, and beat himself down with his brother's mistakes as well as his own. His biggest concern: Raphael, who seemed determined to defy him, and make mistake after mistake. 

Michaelangelo was not hard to figure out, either. Social and remarkably insecure, he was easily influenced by people. That had been evident to me long ago, when he'd played to the crowd at a dance club after one of my father's failed attempts to kill them. It was reinforced by the way he'd danced and gotten drunk with his brother and a girl he hardly knew. He played roles, depending on who he was with, and tried to please everyone. 

Donatello was alone against the world. That was a big mistake. A person could only be so strong on their own. Donatello spent his time locked up, hidden from the world. He didn't talk, didn't socialize. I recalled the night at the club. He hadn't always been like that. Something had changed him. Perhaps the death of their _sensei_, which they only spoke about in hushed tones. 

The initial thought I'd had concerning Raphael was his "quick to act, slow to think" method. And yes, that could be exploited. But watching him had proved me wrong in the assumption that he was weak because of his irrational actions. He wasn't really as blind to danger as he seemed. I had not yet seen him truly let down his guard... until now. Yes, he acted out of anger, and he truly _was _furious at the world. But his anger was, in fact, what motivated him. As long as he felt it, he would never surrender. 

He was the threat. 

He would fight to the death, take on an opponent he knew he couldn't beat. And I had known that for quite some time, too. He had single-handedly taken on dozens of foot soldiers atop the roof of a friend's apartment, years ago. I'd seen that fight, from a distance. They'd nearly killed him, but he didn't stop fighting. He never stopped. And the anger had kept him alive. He couldn't rest knowing that he had died at the hands of his enemy. But to take away that anger that he relied so heavily on, he would be defenseles. As he was now. 

He was desperate. In the safety of what he felt was solitude, the anger faded and turned to desperation. He was searching for that which he could not find. What? I guessed it was love. _Why, Raphael? _I whispered silently as he leaned his head back and let the rain pelt his face. _Surely you can take care of yourself..._

He bowed his head. I expected a burst of anger and frustration, but nothing came. Instead, he turned and walked away, in the opposite direction of the lair. I thought of the argument that had ensued. _You're a jackass, you know that? _

Yes. 

And he did. 


	7. Truce

Truce ****

MICHAELANGELO: 

The racket in the living room woke me up It didn't sound like danger. It sounded more like someone stumbling blindly around the room. I heard a clunk that sounded like it might be painful, and Katarina cursed quietly. I shoved the blankets aside and stumbled toward the door to my room. Kat spun around to face me as I pulled the door open. She had her backpack in her hands and she was dripping wet. 

"Woah," I exclaimed, closing the door behind me. "What happened to you?" 

She turned away again, searching for something in the folds of the couch. I glanced around the room and saw Raphael's door open. I smiled, knowing exactly what had happened to her. Raphael had happened to her. Frustrated, she straightened and threw the backpack on the couch, resting her hands on her hips. 

"Where the hell is my CD player?" she sighed. 

I stepped further into the room. "You goin' somewhere?" 

"Yes," she told me. "I'm leaving." 

I stared at her for a minute. "Leaving as in _leaving _or leaving as in going away for a few hours?" 

She stopped, and ran her fingers through her hair. "I'm not coming back." 

"Why?" I questioned, somewhat shocked. 

"Because I've had enough," she mumbled under her breath, rummaging through the cushions. Her voice was tired. 

"He really piss you off that bad?" 

She looked up at me, a confused look on her face. "What makes you think it has anything to do with Raph?" 

I smiled. "What makes you think I was _referring _to Raph?" 

She realized what she had said and stared at me for a minute before flopping down on the couch and burying her face in hands. I walked up behind her. "Hey, we've all been there," I comforted. "Raph just has a way of making people... frustrated." 

I leaned over the back of the couch and rested my hand on her shoulder. Her muscles were knotted over each other. I'd never felt anyone so tense in my life. I grabbed both of her shoulders. "Sit back," I guided her, pulling her toward me. 

"No," she protested, but she didn't resist. 

I brushed her hair off her shoulders and kneaded at the muscles in her shoulder, running my thumbs along the back of her neck and probing gently at sensitive pressure points. She moaned softly and leaned into my touch. "Damn, Mikey," she breathed. 

I smiled. "Feel good?" 

She moaned again in reply. I knew every pressure point in the human body. They were powerful weapons if they were used right. You could render a person unconscious or dead (or in so much pain they wished they were) with an effortless, well-aimed touch. But used another way, they could be incredibly relaxing. 

She bent her head forward and I slipped my hands under the collar of her shirt to massage her cool, damp skin. It wasn't a sexual thing. At least, it wasn't supposed to be, and she didn't react to it. But I was still aware of how it would look if Donny or Leo were to walk out right about now. I glanced at the clock. It was after four in the morning. I figured we were probably pretty safe. I traced the line of her collarbone, digging into the tensed muscles. 

"You know you're crazy, right?" I finally asked. 

"Huh?" she mumbled. 

"Whatever you're waiting for, it's not gonna happen." 

"That's why I'm leaving," she sighed. I could tell by the way she said it that she was just trying to shut me up. 

"You're not leaving," I told her. It wasn't a threat; it was a simple fact that for whatever reason, she hadn't realized yet. 

"Watch me." 

"You'll be back, Kat. You're too interested in him to not come back. I just can't figure out why." 

She was quiet for a minute as she finally started to consider my words. "Who?" she finally asked. "Leo?" 

I laughed. "Yeah, right," I answered sarcastically. "Leo." 

She hesitated. "Raph?" 

I smiled. "It's the way you look at him, Kat," I explained. "You've got that whole subtle seduction thing going on." 

"I am _not _trying to seduce him!" she cried. 

"Well, whether you _realize _it or not, you're very good at it." 

She turned and looked at me. "What do you mean?" she asked, a concerned look lining her features. 

I shrugged. "Well... maybe seduction wasn't really the right word. But it's pretty obvious that you flirt with him a lot. Just in a strange sort of hybrid way..." 

She turned away again and I continued to rub her shoulders and neck. "I don't mean to, really." 

Really. That word meant a lot. She didn't want to lie, so she threw in the word "really". I wondered if I was supposed to catch it, and figured I probably wasn't. "Yeah, well, you're subtle enough to do it without pissing him off. I give you credit for that." 

There was another long silence. I moved her dark hair aside and brushed my fingers lightly over her skin. "Why do you insist on having him?" I repeated. 

"I don't want to _have _him," she mumbled. 

"No, I guess you must not," I corrected. "'Cause if that's all you wanted, you could've gotten it a long time ago." 

"What?" she laughed. 

I shrugged. "He's easy," I informed her. "Or at least he was. I dunno. He's never been real public about his relationships, but I don't think he's gone out with anyone since Splinter died." I considered that for a minute. "No, actually, it was a while before that. Couple months." 

"Splinter?" 

"Our _sensei_. Father, really." 

She nodded slowly. "What was her name?" she asked after a long silence. "Do you know?" 

"Nah, he never told anyone anything about his girlfriends. It was like twenty questions just getting him to admit there _was _someone. He's taught me a lot about prying information out of people." 

She laughed quietly. "Why do you bother?" she asked. "Not like any of you can stop him." 

"I know," I smiled. "Leo sure does try though. And I guess I can see why. I mean, he puts us all in danger going out there like he does. The more people who know about us, the more potential for problems. But you can't talk sense to him when he gets like that." 

She was silent. "What about you?" I prodded. 

"What _about _me?" 

"You still haven't answered my question." 

"What question?" 

"Why are you so interested in him?" 

She sighed. "I don't know, Mike. I guess I just..." She searched for words. "He intrigues me." 

"From a psychological standpoint?" I questioned. 

"Yes." 

"And that's all?" 

She hesitated. "No, not exactly." She paused. "Well, yeah... sort of." 

I laughed. "Make up your mind, babe!" 

She moaned quietly as I dug my thumbs into the base of her neck and massaged the top of her chest with my two fingers. "It's just that..." she started after a moment of hesitation. "Well, he's so... alone. He _feels _alone, anyway, whether or not he really is. And yeah, I'm curious about the big secret he feels he has. But... I don't know..." There was a minute of silence. "You know, some women are attracted to married men because they know they can't have them. I guess I'm just attracted to things I don't understand, because I know I'll never really understand them." 

"Things," I repeated. 

"People," she corrected. "Like Raphael." 

She pulled away and turned to face me. "It's like he's been forced into a place in life that he doesn't belong in," she observed. 

I leaned forward on the back of the couch and considered her words. "Well, I don't think any of us really _chose _this life," I finally told her. 

"Yeah, but the three of you found a way to cope. Somehow. But he hasn't. So he's angry at the world that betrayed him." 

I nodded slowly. "That's deep, Kat," I mumbled. "But I don't think he's going to hear it." 

She lay back on the couch, bending her knee and resting her other ankle on it. "I know," she mumbled. "And I guess if he did, he wouldn't be unattainable anymore, would he?" 

She smiled up at me and I grinned back. "And then you wouldn't want him anymore," I finished. 

She glanced away and the smile slowly faded. "You know, I knew he was following me tonight," she sighed. "And I guess I just thought that maybe if I could get him to talk..." She stopped and sighed. "But instead we ended up screaming at each other." 

"I'd tell you not to get your hopes up, Kat," I mumbled, "but I get the feeling you're just as stubborn as he is. And that being the case, you're not going to listen to me when I tell you to leave him alone. So the only thing I can tell you is that you're just going to have to prove you're more determined to love him than he is to hate you." 

She glanced up at me. "Isn't that somewhat like Leo's philosophy? Fight with him to the death?" 

I smiled. "Leo and Raph are a totally different story. You can't do to Raph what Leo does to him." 

"Do what to him?" she questioned. 

"Piss him off like that." 

She sighed and looked away. "He sure seemed pissed tonight." 

"Doubt it. He was probably just being Raph." 

She smiled. After a moment of silence, she looked back at me. "Why not?" 

"Why not what?" 

"Why can't I do what Leo does?" 

"Because," I answered simply. "Their whole issue is that Raph has a problem with authority. Leo has the authority and it drives Raph crazy. But you have no authority. In your case, he feels he has the upper hand." 

She nodded slowly and I heard a sound from near the exit. I exchanged glances with Kat and disappeared without a word. 

****

KATARINA: 

I saw his shadow move against the darkness and I knew he saw me. He sighed deeply as he approached. "You don't have to leave," he informed me. "Okay? Just... don't leave because of me." 

I studied him carefully for a moment before I looked away. "I just wish I understood why you hate me," I mumbled, not wanting to fight with him again. 

He sighed, oviously frustrated. "I _don't _hate you, okay? I don't." 

"You just don't trust me," I finished for him. 

He leaned on the back of the couch. "No. I don't trust you." 

"Why?" 

He didn't answer. I didn't really expect him to. I sighed and turned away. "I guess it's just hard for me to see the difference between hate and distrust," I mumbled. "They mean about the same thing to me. Kind of like honor and duty." 

"Honor and duty are two different things, too," he whispered, looking away. 

"I've heard that said. But I really don't believe it. Anything you have a duty to do, it's dishonorable not to do it." 

He considered my words. "Yes," he finally agreed. "But honor is more than that. Honor is a way of living." 

"A way you embrace?" 

He clenched his jaw, as if I'd just struck him. "Yes," he finally replied. His tone made me question the honesty of his answer. But it was not my place to bring his honor to question. 

He opened his eyes and stared at me. "Look, Kat, Leo doesn't think it's safe for you to leave and... I think he might be right. So until we can figure out what to do next, I want you to stay here. So let's call a truce and be done with this, okay?" 

I studied him carefully. He was sincere. Finally, I nodded and held out my hand. "Truce," I agreed. 

We shook hands. He vanished into the darkness. I sank into the couch and fell asleep almost immediately. 

****

KIARA: 

My father was not the most patient person ever to have walked the planet. "{You have had more time,}" he reminded me, following me through my living room. "{Now you will tell me your plan.}" 

I breathed deep. My plan. What _was _my plan? "{Their loyalties to each other are fragile,}" I reported, turning to him. "{Their relationships are shaky. If tragedy were to hit, it would either break them... or strengthen them immeasurably. It must be well planned.}" 

"{What kind of tragedy did you have in mind?}" he asked. 

He was pressing for an exact date and time. And I still wasn't entirely sure what my course of action _was_. "{I am learning, Father. But I cannot give you a definite time.}" 

He nodded slowly, carefully inspecting me. "{I am beginning to think that you are choosing to tell me nothing because you do not want this investigation to come to a close.}" 

The accusation flooded anger through me. How could he say that? He had no idea... "{You sent me to carry out a mission I have not yet completed,}" I struggled. "{I will complete it. And successfully. But I will err on the side of caution.}" 

He studied me carefully. "{There is no room for error.}" 

I breathed deep, struggling to get my fury back under control. "{Father, if you do not entrust me with this assignment, why did you ever hand it to me?}" 

There was no response. I swallowed hard, surprised by my own boldness. "{I believe we should separate them,}" I continued. "{Emotionally as well as physically. And I believe I can use their relationship with Katarina to do that.}" 

"Katarina?" he challenged. 

"{But I have to be careful,}" I continued, ignoring him. "{I cannot be discovered in the process. So if you want me to do that, you're going to have to give me some time to do it. Allow me time to determine an exact course of action, and I will not fail you.}" 

I felt like I was signing my own death warrant. If I did not succeed, after all of this, I would never be allowed to forget it. He glared at me for a moment, then turned and vanished. I felt tears sting my eyes and I turned and hit the wooden frame around the entrance to the kitchen. Damn him! For years, he had patronized me, and now it was as if I were suddenly an adult. He wanted out of me what he had never taken the time to instill. He wanted me to succeed, for his sake, when he had beat me down for years. 

I clenched my teeth in anger as I realized how helpless I was. He had me right where he wanted me. If I failed, he would have been right all those years, when he beat it into my head that I was worthless... because I was not born his son. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

"It's cold in here," Kat complained. 

I glanced across the couch and saw her curled into a ball under the blanket that we normally had draped over the back of the sofa. Half laying and propped against the opposite arm of the couch, I considered her words. It _was _kind of chilly in here. "I can't believe it's come to this..." the man on the TV wailed. 

I glanced at the screen and back at Kat. She shivered. "Come here," I invited. 

She turned and looked at me, a surprised look on her face. I held my arm out to her, but said nothing. "Why?" she asked, distrustful. 

I glared at her for a second. "Hey, I'm _trying _to be nice, okay?" 

She studied me. Frustrated at the failed attempt, I dropped my arm and turned back to the TV} Fine. Forget that. She wasn't breakin' my heart. "Don't be afraid..." the TV sobbed. "I'll be back." This was the most pathetic movie I'd ever seen in my life. I was about done with being nice. 

Suddenly, I felt her move. Slowly, hesitantly, she crawled into my lap, pulling the blanket over us. It took me a minute to react. She laid her head on my chest, her dark hair falling onto my arm. I felt her chest rise and fall as she breathed deep, her warm body pressing to mine. Okay... This wasn't so bad. 

I buried my fingers in her hair and closed my eyes, forgetting about the movie. I hoped she knew this wasn't an advancement. I wsn't making a move on her. She didn't fit into either category that made that allowable, and I didn't want her to. The truth was, nine times out of ten, she frustrated the hell out of me. A relationship would only complicate things. And she didn't seem like she was trying to turn me on. But that didn't mean I wasn't aware of how good it felt to have her body pressed up against me. 

I leaned my head on the back of the couch and ran my fingers through her hair. It felt like silk. She snuggled closer to me, trying to get comfortable, and I reached my other arm around her, holding her to me. The noise from the TV droned on as she looked up. Her eyes betrayed her nervousness. I heard the question without her ever speaking it and shook my head slightly. She smiled, reassured of my motive, and laid her head on my chest again. The warmth radiated from her body and I felt the myself relax. It actually felt kind of good to be close to someone, even if nothing could ever come of it. 

****

MADONNA: 

"You're in love with him, aren't you?" 

I hung my head. Suddenly, I understood Leonardo's words. Not ashamed, and yet I couldn't admit the truth. "A freak." And I could say nothing in Leo's defense. "You _shame _me!" he insulted. "You disgrace your father's name with your uncontrollable emotions!" 

Tears stung my eyes. I couldn't fight the truth. But it hurt. It hurt worse than anything I'd ever felt before. "How long have you been with him, you slut?" 

I didn't answer him. A jolt of pain struck me as the back of his hand crossed my face. I turned away and raised my fingers to my burning cheek, hiding behind my hair. He waited for an answer, and upon getting none, continued to shoot angry accusations. I cowered. I felt the pain as he vented his anger at the world on me. Finally, he spun and walked away. 

That was when the tears finally overflowed, streaming silently down my stinging cheeks. My body hurt as I picked myself up off the floor and walked across the room. I crawled into the cold bed that had been made for me, and felt tears stream silently down my face as I stared up at the ceiling. What was I doing? 

The devil's advocate, and a traitor to everyone who trusted me, I felt worthless. My love affair with Leonardo was no longer a secret. I saw it happening, and had known it was going to happen from the beginning, but I could do nothing to prepare. I didn't know how I'd been found out. I didn't care. All I cared about now was the fact that my time with him had been cut so short. I knew I would probably never be with him again. Would I even _see _him again, except in the heat of a pointless battle? 

The words rang in my ears. _You disgrace your father's name with your uncontrollable emotions! _I had been able to say nothing, the realization of the truth branding me. I took the emotional beating without protest. And he had no mercy on me. I couldn't control my emotions toward Leo. I was the stupid, pitiful woman that I had always been accused of being. 

But what difference did it really make, if I was in love with him? Love meant nothing. I would still fulfill my duty, even if I hated it. My passion for Leonardo had not yet affected me. If I had thought it was going to, I would've refused to come here in the first place. 

Why had I ever allowed this to get so complicated? I wanted to be happy, to rest in Leo's arms from now until the end of time. But I knew that was impossible. Past decisions came back to haunt me. _Decisions? _I questioned myself. _When the hell did you _decide _to destroy all hope of peace in your life? _

From the moment I was born, my fate was determined. I turned my face into the pillow. Forbidden to see Leonardo again, by my father's command, and my fate's sadistic whim. I wept, sobs wracking my body. 

****

LEONARDO: 

__

"I just need to know one thing," she whispers. 

"Anything," I answer truthfully. 

"This isn't just a reaction, is it? To Splinter?" 

I stare at her for a moment, considering the thought. "No," I answer truthfully. "No, I don't think so." 

"Why? How do you know?" 

I think carefully about my answer. "Because if it was, I would feel guilty." 

She takes a step toward me, pressing close again. "And you don't feel guilty?" she asks. 

"No." 

Desire overwhelms me, and I feel my hands circle her waist again. "How do you feel?" she questions. 

"At peace," I answer, feeling her press hard against me. She kisses my neck lightly and I feel my body react. What is she doing to me? And does she even realize she's doing it? 

She brushes her lips against mine, lightly. "Then why are you sorry?" 

***

The ringing phone interrupted the dream. It kept ringing, over and over, and I finally slid out of bed. I must be the only one here. What time was it? I glanced at the clock as I stumbled into the living room and found the phone. It was six thirty in the morning. Everyone was _asleep_! Who the hell was calling at this hour? I had figured it was at least nine. 

I picked up the phone. "Hello?" I asked into the receiver. 

"Leo?" 

Madonna! I recognized her voice immediately, and checked to make sure I was alone in the dark room. "Hey," I practically whispered. "Where are you? Are you back in town?" 

She laughed quietly. I suddenly noticed the sad tone in her voice. "No, I'm still... away." 

"Are you okay?" I asked. "You sound upset." 

She was silent. "Madonna?" 

"I'm okay," she whispered. 

"No you're not," I corrected her. "What's the matter?" 

"I just... I don't know. There's just a lot going on. A lot to deal with." 

"Tell me," I urged, hearing the concern in my own voice. 

"No," she sighed. "No, I... God, Leo, I don't know what to do!" 

I gripped the phone as she cried, her words nearly incoherent. "I love you, Leo. You have to know that. You know that right?" 

"Yes," I assured her. "I know." 

"And I just... my father... it's fate, Leo. Damned fate." 

"What's fate?" I asked. 

"Everything is. Do you believe in fate?" She didn't give me a chance to answer her. "I don't know why it has to be this way, but for whatever sadistic... _thrill _they want..." 

She wasn't making much sense. I was worried about her. She sounded desperate. No wonder why she had avoided conversation about her family, if being around them made her like this. "I'm sorry," I tried to comfort her. 

"It's okay. I just... I don't know why I called." 

I leaned back against the wall. "I love you, Madonna," I whispered. 

I heard her catch her breath and she began to cry again. What on _earth _had happened to her? God, I wished she would tell me. "It's okay," I breathed, trying to drown her pain. 

"I know," she sniffed. "I just... I don't know. I shouldn't have called you." 

The conclusive tone told me she was going to hang up. I tensed. "No, wait!" I stopped her. "Don't hang up." 

"Why?" she choked. Her voice held a tinge of something else, now. Anger? 

"Talk to me, Madonna," I pleaded. 

"I can't." 

Silence. Her quiet sobs were the only sound between us. I sighed, wishing I could hold her. "I'm sorry, Madonna." 

"For what?" she choked. 

"Whatever it is that's making you sad." 

She half-laughed. "Forget it," she tried to assure me, getting her voice under control. I decided to change the subject. There was nothing I could do for her when she was a thousand miles away and refusing to talk. 

"I can't wait to see you again," I whispered. "I miss you so much." 

"What?" she laughed. "This from the man who disappears into thin air for days at a time without giving me any idea of when I might see him next?" 

I cringed. "I know, I know," I defended, smiling. "But that's different." 

She sniffled again, and that was the last I heard of her tears. "How is it?" 

"Well, because I know I _can _see you at any time." 

"Heh heh," she chuckled softly. "Well, now you know how _I _feel. Because I can _never _come see you at any time." 

"I'm sorry," I breathed, closing my eyes and picturing her. 

"I forgive you." 

"I know." 

There was a moment of silence. I listened to her breathing. "How's Kat?" she asked. "Have you talked to her at all?" 

I glanced over at the closed bedroom door where Katarina was asleep. "Yeah," I hesitated. "You could say that." 

"She okay?" 

"Just fine." 

I decided I didn't want to go into specifics on the phone. I heard a knock on the door on her end of the line. "Oh, I have to go," she whispered. 

"When will I see you?" I asked. 

"I don't know. I love you!" 

She hung up without giving me a chance to say good-bye. I stared at the phone for a moment before resting it back on the hook. I didn't hear from her again for another five, agonizing days. 


	8. Teasing

Teasing ****

I don't own the movie "Poison Ivy" and the quotes/scenes thereof. (For other things I don't own, refer to previous chapters.) ;) 

RAPHAEL: 

She was sitting on the couch, staring at the TV, when I stumbled into the lair. I glanced around. It was after last call, and the world was silent except for the movie she was curled up watching. She was in the corner of the couch, the blanket pulled up around her chin. "Hey," I slurred. 

She jumped and spun her head to face me, then let out a sigh of relief. "Oh, hi, Raph. You scared me." 

"You know what time it is?" 

"Quarter to three," she answered. "I couldn't sleep. Where've you been?" 

I didn't bother answering her. It was none of her business. Besides, I was sure she already knew. "This is a decent movie, if you're interested," she offered. "At least it is so far." 

"What is it?" I asked. 

"It's called _Poison Ivy_." 

I'd seen it. Had Drew Barrymore in it. Good movie, bad ending. Too abrupt. I felt a headache starting and considered the thought of sleep. I was too wound up to sleep. But I was too drunk to stay awake. Actually, I didn't think I was really _that _drunk. I'd deal with a slight hangover in the morning, but I wasn't totally oblivious to my surroundings. 

I sat down in the opposite corner of the couch and leaned back. I watched the movie for a few minutes before I felt myself drifting off to sleep. But I was just napping. I awoke again a few scenes later and, still drowsy, was somehow not surprised to find Kat leaning against me. I thought about pulling away. But I realized it didn't bother me. I felt her warm breath on my neck as she rested her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and she snuggled closer. 

"Raph?" 

"Mmm?" I replied, eyes closed. 

"Why do you do it?" 

"Do what?" 

"Everything." 

She could _not_ expect me to play twenty questions when I was drunk. "What's everything?" 

She pulled away and I opened my eyes to look at her. "Don't you ever want to stop fighting?" she whispered. "Don't you ever just want to give up the fight and... be honest?" 

"I'm not dishonest," I mumbled, pulling her head back to my chest. I didn't feel like talking. Couldn't we just sit here and watch the movie? 

"I didn't say you were," she sighed. 

Great. Here we go again with the games. "What do you mean, then?" 

"You'd rather let people misunderstand you than tell them the truth about what you're thinking," she whispered, resting her head on my shoulder. 

"Why do I care about what people think?" I asked. 

"Do you care about what _I _think?" 

I wasn't so out-of-it that I didn't see a trick question. I tensed, pulled away, and looked at her. "What do you want me to say to that?" 

"Forget what I _want_, Raph. Tell me the truth." 

The truth... I wasn't sure I could do that. Every time I tried, every time I wanted to trust someone, I got burned. I wasn't stupid. By now, I knew to keep my hand out of the fire. "Knock it off, Kat," I mumbled. "Quit tryin' to psychoanalyze me." 

She sighed and relaxed slowly. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the closeness, not really caring what the conditions were. I didn't love her, but this still felt good... 

****

LEONARDO: 

I knew I should just walk away and forget that I had seen anything. I had no right to react at all, much less the way I _was _reacting. But that didn't matter at the moment. 

I had entered the room silently and first noticed the TV. Then I saw them, on the couch. I could hear them talking in hushed tones. She laughed quietly and he ran his hand over her hair. He was on his back, and she was on top of him. I watched in shock as she lowered herself, burying her face in his neck. He put his arms around her. 

I stared in shock. He had denied it vehemently, and maybe he hadn't lied. Maybe it was just beginning. More whispers that I could not understand drifted from across the room. I didn't have to hear them to know what they were saying. Reflexively, I thought of Madonna. I couldn't very well be angry at Raph; I had no right. But Kat wasn't Madonna, and Raphael had only known her for a week. Last time I checked, he_ tolerated _her, but nothing more. He was going to hurt her. Or she would hurt him. Either way, this wouldn't turn out well. 

I briefly considered making my presence known. I decided it wasn't a good idea. For one thing, Raph was probably drunk. And when he was drunk, he had a tendency to get violent. I didn't want to piss him off if I could avoid it. And besides, they were both adults. It was none of my business. 

Unable to justify a confrontation, I backed away quietly. 

****

MADONNA: 

Three o'clock in the morning. I stared at the glowing digits. I glanced at the phone. I should call him. _No, you shouldn't. You _know _you shouldn't. _But I wanted to. 

A warm breath of stale air, and I looked around the silent room. All was still. Even the shadows were unmoving in the darkness. Finally I sat up and reached for the phone, dialing the numbers before I could think about what I was doing. It rang and rang in my ear. Then, finally, a slurred answer from a familiar voice. "Leonardo?" I whispered. 

He moaned, asleep. "April?" 

"Madonna," I corrected. 

"Oh," he laughed, still groggy. "You know what time it is?" 

I sighed. "Yes, I know. I'm sorry I woke you." 

"No, it's okay," he answered. "But one of these days, you're gonna call and someone else is going to answer." 

I smiled at the thought. "I'd just hang up," I told him. 

He yawned. I smiled as I walked over to the window and pulled it open. "I gotta keep it down, though," he mumbled. "I don't want to wake anyone else up. Why is it you only call in the middle of the night?" 

I felt a cool breeze sweep over me as I was greeted by the night air. "It's the only time I know you'll be there," I lied. 

"Mmm," he murmured. "Why'd it take you so long to call me back?" 

I felt my heart clench. "I don't know," I whispered. "I guess because hearing your voice just makes me want to see you more." 

He moaned in reply, still half-asleep, and I laughed quietly. "When will you be back?" he asked. 

"A few days." 

I heard him sigh deeply and closed my eyes. It felt so good just to hear him speak to me. But at the same time, it made everything so much harder. 


	9. Honesty & Tears

Honesty and Tears ****

KIARA: 

It was getting out of hand. 

My father was breathing down my neck to have them delivered. Every time my cell phone rang, day or night, I knew he wanted to see me. And I had what I wanted. I knew how to end it, right now. But the knowledge of what I was about to do to them struck me with every moment that I watched them. Emotions. Weakness. Toward all of them, but one in particular. My father knew it. I could hear it in his voice. He knew my weakness. 

__

Damn it! 

He was right. God, I hated that he was right! Every accusation he had made... I could _feel _it manifesting as I watched them interact. Pity. Sympathy. And... what? Love? Damn it! 

I knew everything I needed to know about them. I knew their weaknesses, and how to insert a wedge between them. I could destroy them. And I_ would_. I would not give my father the satisfaction of seeing me fail, regardless of the cost. I could overcome my desires, even if I couldn't prevent them from forming. 

I closed my eyes and sat on the edge of the bed, my face in my hands and my hair falling around me. I understood duty. Whether or not I _wanted _to carry out my mission was irrelevant. My father had charged me with delivering them. And I _would _do it. I refused to admit that he was right in his insults. But for my own sake, I knew I was going to have to de-personalize the attack. It would be too hard on me any other way. Every time I heard his voice... 

__

Stop it, Kiara, I chastised myself. _You can't love him. You _will _not love him! You don't even _know _him!_

There were so many things I didn't know... I didn't even know myself... 

My cell phone rang. I turned and stared at it. Again, it rang. I didn't have to answer it to know who it was. I sighed and laid back on the bed next to it, staring up at the ceiling as it continued to nag at me. Closing my eyes, I let it sing me to sleep. 

****

LEONARDO: 

"Are you sure?" I asked, concerned. 

She smiled. "Leo, I can't stay here forever," she sighed, resting her hand on my arm. "I have to go back sometime." 

"Yeah, but..." I protested. 

She placed her finger over my lips. "Don't," she smiled. "I'll be fine, I promise." 

"What if you're not, Kat? I don't want to leave you alone there." 

"I won't be alone," she informed me. "Madonna's plane will be here in about an hour." 

Madonna. I hadn't seen her in over almost two weeks. It felt like a year. I closed my eyes and pictured her. Katarina laughed, as if she could read my mind, and I felt her kiss me on the cheek. "I'll be okay," she assured me. 

I opened my eyes and watched her shove the last of her clothes in her backpack. "If anything happens," I mumbled, "you know you can call us." 

She turned and grinned at me. "I know." 

I didn't like the sudden change in plans. And I didn't like the careless attitude she'd suddenly adopted. But I had a feeling I knew exactly what had caused it. "Kat..." I started. 

She slung her backpack over her shoulder. "Yes?" 

"Is this about Raph?" 

She stared at me for a moment, a confused look on her face. "No," she finally answered. "What would make you think that?" 

"It isn't about last night?" 

Her eyes got wider, but she tried to hide her shock. "What about last night?" she laughed nervously. 

"I, uh..." I sighed. "I know what happened... with you two. In the living room." I saw color creeping into her cheeks. "I, uh... walked in." 

Her face flushed and she looked away, embarrassed. "Oh, god," she chuckled, trying to cover up the nervousness. 

"It's okay," I tried to assure her, a little embarrassed myself. "I just want to make sure that... you know, that this isn't just... a reaction. That might cost you." She said nothing, just hid her face and flushed red. "I mean, I can talk to Raph and..." Still no answer. I wanted her to say something, but she only laughed nervously. 

"You don't have to leave, Kat," I sighed. "Don't feel like you have to leave." 

She stared at the floor for a moment longer, then brought her eyes to meet mine. "It's not like that," she reassured me, the color in her cheeks slowly fading. "I just... I don't belong here. And we both know that. It's time for me to move on." 

I forced a smile and rested my hand on her shoulder. "You want me to walk you home?" I asked. 

She shook her head. "No, I'll be fine. I know my way." 

"You sure?" 

She nodded. "Yeah." 

I pulled her to me and gave her a hug. "Be careful," I whispered. 

She hugged me back. "I will." 

****

RAPHAEL: 

"Excuse me?" I asked, shocked. 

"You heard me," Leonardo answered seriously. 

I stared at him, not sure what to say. It wasn't every day that Leo managed to shock me, but he sure as hell had done a good job this time! "You're kidding, right?" I laughed nervously. 

"Raph, I saw you," he sighed. 

I raised my eyebrows. "You _saw _me? What, were you _spying _on me?" 

"If I was, would it change anything?" 

I opened my mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He was dead serious. I glared at him. Maybe I'd been a little more drunk than I thought... 

"Leo, I don't know what you thought you saw or when. But you're wrong." 

He sighed. "Raph..." he pleaded. 

Suddenly, I found anger welling up inside of me. "What the hell is wrong with you, Leo?" I yelled at him. "What if I _was _sleeping with her, huh? I don't see as that's_ any _of your business, for one. And for another thing, it was _you _who wanted her here in the first place." 

"I never thought you'd..." 

"What do you care, anyways?" I cut him off, my voice rising as the anger built. "When I asked you if you were with her, you swore up and down that you weren't. So what the hell is your problem if I am? You can't use the 'putting you in danger' argument when _you _were the one who brought her down here!" 

He looked away, but said nothing. And I suddenly realized what the heart of the problem was. "You just can't stand it, can you?" I demanded, taking a step closer. "You can't stand to think that something, _anything _could happen without your explicit permission. You gave your consent when you told her to stay!" 

"You've known her for two _weeks_, Raph!" he reminded me. 

"What the hell difference does that make?" I shot back. "And why is it any of your business? You can't control my life, Leo!" 

He called something after me... something in Japanese. I didn't understand it, in my fury. But I knew it was some kind of insult. "_Kissama_!" I yelled back, storming out of the lair faster than he could register the retaliation. 

***

She was sitting on the couch, curled up with a book when I came in through the window. I stood still, waiting for her to look up. If she glanced over the top of the book, she would see me. All she had to do was turn a page. 

Suddenly, caught a glimpse of me. She jumped and the book slipped from her hands as she clutched her chest. "Raph!" she exclaimed, trying to catch her breath. "I didn't hear you come in!" 

"You weren't supposed to," I told her. 

She took a deep breath and laid back again, picking the book up off her lap. "How, exactly, do you know where I live?" she asked. 

I didn't answer. She didn't need to know that. "We have to talk." 

She cocked her head, an innocent look on her face. "About what?" 

I rested my elbows on the back of the couch, folding my hands out in front of them. "I was..." I hesitated, "maybe a little more drunk than I thought I was last night. And I need you to be honest with me." 

She stared at me, her gaze unwavering. "Did anything... happen?" 

"Happen?" she asked, that damned innocent expression on her face. 

"You know what I mean." 

She smiled. "Oh, that." 

I sighed. I wasn't in the mood. "Kat, I'm serious." 

"No, Raph," she assured me. She sounded as if she were conversing about the weather. "Nothing happened. We just talked. Nice of you to ask though." 

Her voice held no hint of sorrow or nervousness. She wasn't embarrassed by the question, so I didn't bother to act embarrassed either. I said nothing. I just turned and walked away, not totally sure if I believed her, not totally sure what I _wanted_ to believe. She didn't follow me. 

****

MADONNA: 

"Mixing business with pleasure?" I asked, towel-drying my hair as he slipped out the window. 

Katarina looked over her shoulder. "What's that supposed to mean?" she demanded. 

I grinned. "You've always been all business with guys. Could it be that someone is finally managing to get under your skin?" 

"Hardly," she mumbled under her breath, looking away. 

"What happened last night, Kat?" I teased. 

She sighed and looked away. "_Nothing _happened," she corrected. 

I dropped the towel over the back of a chair and sat on the back of the couch, raising one leg in front of me and using the one on the floor for balance. "Okay, so what _didn't _happened?" 

She glanced at me, a pathetic look on her face. "I'm playing him, okay? It's not like you think." 

"Why?" I questioned, somehow not surprised. 

"Because, Madonna, I want to get into his head." 

I sighed. "That's all you've ever wanted, isn't it?" I questioned. "You've never been in love in your life. You just tease guys, and one of these days, it's gonna bite back." 

"Yeah, well, I've heard that before." 

I studied her carefully. "He likes you, Kat," I informed her. "You two would be cute together if you could ever get over yourself." 

She laughed cynically. "Yeah, for what, two weeks? Maybe not even that long?" 

I laid back, resting my head on the couch. My wet hair fell over the leather and I considered sitting back up. But I chose not to. 

"I'm not like you, Madonna," she reminded me. "I can't love one of them. I don't have that option, okay?" 

I sighed. "Neither do I," I reminded her. 

She didn't answer. "You gonna go see Leo tonight?" she finally asked. 

I hesitated. "I don't know." 

"Waiting for him to come here?" she replied slyly. 

I closed my eyes, and said nothing. 

"You gonna tell him?" 

"Tell him what?" 

"That you can't see him anymore?" 

"Don't," I pleaded, knowing exactly where she was going with this. 

"Don't what?" 

I glanced at her. "You _know _what." 

She nodded. "Yeah, I guess I do. And that's why I'll never love one of them." 

"Would you if circumstances were different?" I asked. 

"Would _you_?" 

"I'd spend the rest of my life with Leo if I could, Kat," I told her. I didn't have to think about that. 

She looked away. "That's a long time." 

"Yes." 

She sighed. "You couldn't hide from it forever, Madonna, you knew that. You knew what would happen when he found out." 

"I know," I shot at her. "Don't remind me." 

She raised her hand and placed it on my lower leg, near where her head was. "I'm sorry you have to be hurt in this," I mumbled. "Leo's a good guy." 

"God, Kat, you have _no _idea," I mumbled. "I've never felt love like he makes me feel. He doesn't even have to try." 

I closed my eyes again, turning my face toward the ceiling. "Would you tell him?" I asked after a long silence. "If you were in my position?" 

"You don't have much of a _choice_, Madonna." 

"No, I mean..." I turned to look at her. "... tell him everything. The reason why. That I'm..." 

I couldn't finish. "You're what?" she challenged 

"You know what I mean," I whispered, feeling the tears sting. 

She hesitated. She did know. She knew as well as I did. Still, I couldn't help but feel incredibly alone. "Do you love him?" 

"Yes," I breathed, without having to think about it. There was no question in my mind that I loved Leonardo. 

"Then don't tell him," she answered. "You'll only break his heart. And that'll make it harder." 

I felt tears sting my eyes as I considered the thought. "I hate duty," I whispered. 

"Your honor or your love," she mumbled, sounding disinterested. "Tough choice, isn't it?" 

It was sarcasm, and I knew it. She'd never been in love. She had no idea how hard it was to make that choice. 

Neither one of us said anything for a long time. Then I felt a foreign presence enter the room. It wasn't Leo, although part of me wished it was. Kat got up and left. I held my eyes closed as I felt him approach. He didn't say a word. I breathed deep, trying to drown out the pain as he ran his hands down my arms. Sharp talons at his fingertips drew blood and tears stung my eyes. 

"Please," I whispered helplessly as he leaned down and kissed me. 

****

LEONARDO: 

I lay on my back, staring up at the high ceiling. Raph still wasn't back. I doubted he would be for another two or three hours, at least. More likely, he wouldn't show up until around 2:30, after last call. Donny and Mikey were asleep. Kat was gone. I was alone. 

I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, thinking about the argument. He was right. It was really none of my business if he was sleeping with Kat. Hell, if he wanted to sleep with every girl that crossed his path, there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. But I thought he'd gotten over that after the last time... 

It wasn't really about the danger. I told him it was, and I stuck by my argument, because it was the best one I had. But the fact of the matter was, I knew Raph wasn't stupid. Yes, it _was _dangerous for people to know about us. But as much as I hated how impulsive and irrational he got sometimes, I trusted him not to put our _lives _in danger. He'd sacrifice our_ comfort _without a second though. But he wouldn't endanger our lives. I knew he took precautions. Not that he ever _admitted _that. It would flaw his otherwise perfect "asshole" image. 

Although I could never admit it to his face, all I really wanted was to protect him. But I couldn't protect him. It wasn't my place. He was a big boy now, capable of making his own decisions. There was nothing I could do to stop him even if I knew those decisions were wrong. 

__

Man, what's your problem, Leo? I chastised myself, realizing how ridiculous I was being. _Kat's not like his other fly-by-night girlfriends. She'd be good for him. And she'd be good _to _him. You know that._

Still, I wasn't comforted. It was too soon. And really, I wasn't sure who I was more concerned about, Raph or Kat. I hoped she wasn't looking for a long-term, serious relationship with him, or she was going to be the one hurt. Badly. 

I felt something strange. Something wasn't familiar. I sat up and looked over the back of the couch. The room was silent and still. Shadows moved along the wall, cast by the flickering candle on the coffee table. Convinced that there was no threat, I laid back down and closed my eyes, breathing deeply. I concentrated on the darkness and felt the breath enter and exit my lungs. 

"Boo!" 

I jumped and my eyes flew open. Madonna was leaning over the back of the couch, smiling down at me. All thoughts of Raph were immediately gone and I didn't care how she'd managed to get in without me seeing her. I sat up and kissed her before I even realized what I was doing. She slipped one hand behind my neck and ran the other over my bent leg, which was leaning against the back of the couch. Behind her, I saw a shadow move toward an open bedroom door and I pulled away instinctively. She turned, following my gaze. "Kat," she answered the silent question. "She brought me here." 

That would explain how she found her way. She'd only been here twice before. A door closed. Madonna kissed me again. I found her hands with mine and led her around the couch. She sat on the edge and bent over me, her beautiful blond hair falling around my face. 

Unexpectedly, she jabbed at my sides. I cried out, surprised, and grabbed her wrists. She laughed as she jerked away and fell, pulling us both to the floor. "Why do you do that?" I laughed. 

She smiled in reply. 

"You know, you're the only one in the world who knows I'm ticklish." 

"Mmm," she grinned. "Don't I feel special?" 

I kissed her, and the humor vanished. A seriousness swept over us. Almost... sadness. "I'm so sorry, Leonardo," she breathed against my lips. 

"For what?" I asked 

"For everything." 

I pulled away and stared at her for a moment. "The sins of the world don't rest on your shoulders," I whispered, answering her. 

She moaned quietly. "That doesn't mean I can't repent for them." 

I sat up, taking her hands and pulling her with me. "What's wrong?" I whispered, concerned. 

She didn't answer. Instead, she lunged at me. I turned and pinned her, confused by her mood swings but too happy to see her to really care. We kissed deeply and I felt her relax as my hands ran over her. 

Suddenly, I heard a noise: someone clearing his throat. My head snapped up and I spun around. Raphael was standing behind the couch, his arms crossed over his chest. Oh no. For a long time, neither of us said anything. I lay still, covering Madonna with my body as it struggled to catch up with my mind in realization that she could no longer have my undivided attention. She was dressed. We weren't really _doing _anything. But I knew this looked bad. The look on my brother's face said more than words ever could. 

"What... what are you doing here?" I finally choked, still trying to get over the shock. 

"I _live_ here, Leo, remember?" he shot at me. His voice was ice cold. 

"I didn't expect you back yet," I choked. 

"Obviously." 

I sat up. I was met with a sword at my throat. My own _katana_, wielded by my brother. The anger in his eyes was evident in the soft orange glow from the single candle nearby. I felt the tip of the blade at my skin and blood trickled down my neck. I felt a stinging pain... and didn't move. 

I suddenly remembered the trust walks we'd taken as children, blindly leading each other through the sewers. I trusted any one of my brothers with my life. After all, any freestyle sparring session could turn deadly with one slip of the hand. But this was a feeling like I'd never had before. I truly felt at his mercy. And at the moment, I didn't dare breathe. 

"I outta kick your ass, Leo," he growled. I said nothing. "What do you think? Huh, great leader?" He turned the sword. I felt it dig into my skin, and more blood ran. I cringed at the pain and instinctively tried to pull back. But he followed me with the tip of the sword. Another centimeter, and he could easily pierce my trachea. And there wasn't a damn thing I could do. He was just as trained as I was. If he wanted to hurt me... hell, if he wanted to _kill _me, he was going to do it even if I _did _get out from behind this sword. It made it pointless to fight him. He was armed; I was caught totally off guard. I'd never be able to take him down. 

"Don't ever let your guard down, Raph... remember that? Pay attention to everything, Raph," he mocked. "It's the opponent who appears below your level who will strike hard and unexpectedly. It's the person you deem harmless who will bring you down. Do you remember that?" He was yelling now. "Do you even _remember _that!" 

He turned and flung the sword across the room. It skidded across the table, knocking over everything that had been resting there. Glass shattered as it hit he floor and the sword clanked against metal before dropping. Raphael vaulted over the back of the couch and before I could rise, he had me by the throat. I stumbled back, trying to regain my balance as he dragged me to my feet and slammed me against the wall. "How _dare _you," he whispered. I held my breath, unable to get air. "How _dare _you patronize me! You fight with me over Katarina... and you're foolin' around with some girl I've never even met in our _living room_!" 

I couldn't breathe, much less speak. He was angry, probably drunk. Probably _too _drunk to realize that we hadn't even been doing anything. He threw me to the side, spinning to face Madonna. I struggled to regain my balance and catch my breath. He glared at her. God help him if he touched her. 

"Who the hell is she, Leo!" he demanded, turning to me again. "How long have you been screwing her, and coming after me like I'm some child?" 

I coughed, still struggling to regulate my breathing. "Raph," I gasped, "we weren't..." 

"Fooling around?" he finished for me. "You gonna lie to me?" 

"He didn't touch me," Madonna said in her own defense. "And I don't see what..." 

"_You _shut up!" Raphael yelled at her. I tensed. He turned back at me. "Lie, Leonard," he taunted. "Go ahead. Lie about it? You sleeping with her?" 

"No," she answered. 

"Shut up!" he screamed. He turned to her, threatening, and I grabbed his hand as he raised it, spinning him around. 

"Don't even think about it, Raphael," I growled, with an anger I hadn't known I posessed. 

"Answer me," he snarled back. His eyes stayed on me. I didn't release my grip, even though I knew he'd forgotten about her. He was drunk. I could see it in his eyes. 

I said nothing. We stared at each other, inches apart. "Lie to me," he taunted. "Go ahead, fearless leader. Tell me. Tell me I'm wrong." 

I swallowed hard. "No," I whispered. "I won't." 

He shoved me back and I let go of him. He sprang at me, pinning me to the wall. His breathing came hard and for a moment, it wavered. I looked up, shocked by the sound. In the flickering light, I thought I saw tears in his eyes. "How long, Leo?" he whispered. Had he been speaking above a whisper, he would've choked on the words. "Did Splinter know? Did you lie to him?" 

I suddenly realized that he was crying. Raphael was _crying_! Oh, god, no. I knew how to deal with him when he was angry. But I had no idea what to say to him now. Never in my life had I seen him cry. I didn't know he _could_. I stood still, barely allowing myself to breathe. 

"Dammit, Leo, answer me!" he yelled, drawing his weapons. 

I stared at him, still shocked into silence. He was clenching the sais so hard, his hands shook. "No," I finally managed, the word sending a searing pain through my mind. "It was after." 

He took in a few breaths. "How. Long. After," he demanded, his voice low and unsteady. 

I closed my eyes. I wasn't sure I _could _explain, but I knew I didn't _want _to. I looked at Madonna. Her eyes darted back and forth between me and Raph as she clutched her arms over her chest. I saw Mike and Don emerge from their rooms almost simultaneously. 

"So help me, Leo," Raph warned, "if you don't do some explaining_ right _now, I'm gonna kick your ass so bad you'll remember it for the rest of your life!" 

I took a deep breath and let it out slow, raising my eyes to meet my brother's. "A day," I admitted, still feeling the blood run from my throat. "Eight months ago we met." 

Anger and pain surged through his body, so powerful that I could feel it radiating from him. I'd never seen him like this, and it scared me. He wasn't _supposed _to be like this. He was supposed to get angry and violent, then he was supposed to storm out of the room and hate me, like he always did. He was _not _supposed to cry. 

"A day," he repeated. "One day?" 

His breath came in gasps now, and I looked back up at him. "You bastard," he choked. A single tear ran down his face. My heart wretched in my chest. "You bastard!" 

He attacked. Instantly, Mike and Don were on him, holding him back. Donatello's hand went to my chest to prevent me from making a move, but I wasn't going to fight. Even if my brothers had not stepped between us, I would not have fought him. I wasn't going to run, either. Mike glanced back and forth between us his arm held out across Raph's shoulders, cutting him off. Don tried to pry the sais from his hands, but with a sudden burst of rage, he threw them both off of him and lunged toward me. 

He was furious, but somehow he knew. He knew I wouldn't fight him. Guilt more powerful than anything I'd ever known had left me incapable of movement. I was shocked and numbed by his tears, and the fact that I had caused them. I _never _meant for this to happen... Not like this... 

He didn't try hard enough to hurt me. Maybe he stopped himself, maybe he was just making a point. The former was more likely. I didn't imagine he was thinking clearly enough to decide to make a point. I blocked his direct attack easily and we stared at each other through our locked wrists, the sais crossing in the midst of them. Inches away, the pain in his eyes was so fierce it took the breath from my lungs. 

Suddenly, he jerked away, threw the sais at Donatello's feet, and ran. They crashed against the cement and each other, ringing loudly off the high ceiling. I watched them fall. I watched him go. Out of the corner of my eye, I watched Kat follow him. 


	10. BreakUp

Break-Up ****

Y'all lost yet? ;) Ready for some explanations? Well, here ya go- a LITTLE bit of much-needed explanation about Madonna's screwed up life. Not too much though! ;) I think from here on out, I'm gonna start pushing the "shock value". I'm gonna start off slow, so let me know what you think. Cheers! 

RAPHAEL: 

I ran as hard and as fast as I could with no destination. I could go to the end of the earth and back again without exterminating this fury. Bitter, angry tears streamed down my face as I ran blindly through the darkness. I'd roamed these sewers my entire life. I knew I could find my way back, no matter where I ended up. But when the tunnels ran out, I was still running. Running from the past, from memories I didn't want to have. From lectures and idols and a dream that could never be true. He wasn't perfect, but somehow, I'd always thought he was. 

The perfect son, the perfect leader, the perfect pain in my ass that reminded me of how _imperfect _I was. I hated him, loved him, respected him, and ridiculed him... all at the same time. It wasn't right that he should forget who he was. 

I went up to the surface, taking care to hide in the shadows. I ran past the bars, past the strip clubs and Central Park, where teenagers sat on the benches and made love to the sounds of the violent symphony that was New York City. I ran. Alone. 

I ran to the end of the city, past the boat docks where a drug shipment was coming in. Past the ends of civilization. And I found myself in a place that I had never known existed. A place of total, emotional exhaustion. A place where I actually found myself craving the company of someone I could trust. I place where I wanted to let go of the pain, to release the anger. _Don't you ever just want to stop fighting?_

I stood on the beach. I screamed at the sky. I vented my fury in a flurry of violent movement. The ever-practical, always conscious sliver of my being, the _ninjutsu _training that had been embedded in me over the years, wondered where I was. Could anyone hear my violent protests? What _state _was I in? How many miles had I run? And for how long? 

The questions meant nothing to me. I dropped to my knees in the sand and sobbed, letting the tears flow freely for the first time in years. Alone. Truly alone. 

****

KATARINA: 

I watched him for a long time, giving him a chance to calm down and collect his thoughts. He sat on the sand, his eyes fixed on the water and his knees pulled up to his chin. For an hour, he didn't move. Finally, I approached him, as silently as I could. 

"I don't want to talk to you," he informed quietly as I came closer. 

"Yeah, I got that impression," I replied, sitting down next to him. 

For a long time, he _didn't _talk to me. We sat in silence, watching the moonlight reflect off the glassy surface of the water. A breeze swept over us, carrying the cool night air, and I shivered. I hadn't had time to grab my coat, and all I had on were a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. Still, that was more than he had and I wondered if he was cold. If he was, he didn't show it. I leaned against him and put my head on his shoulder, feeling him tense. I shivered, and he felt it. A moment later, he put his arm around me. Heat passed between our bodies and I closed my eyes, enjoying the stillness of the moment. 

"Are you drunk?" I asked. 

"I was," he admitted. 

Well that _sort _of explained his reaction. I didn't understand why it upset him _so _much that Leonardo had a girlfriend. Wasn't he overreacting just a little? Those were _weapons _he'd pulled on his brother. I waited, not wanting to push him. 

"You shouldn't have come here," he finally whispered. 

"Where's here?" I asked. 

"I don't know," he admitted quietly. 

There was another long silence. He pulled away and stood up. I watched him walk toward the water and stand at the edge of it. He was still and silent. I waited for him to return. A moment later, he did. He laid on his back, staring up at the stars in the dark sky. For Raphael... cold, strong, independent Raphael... the position was more relaxed than I'd ever seen him. His guard was down, both mentally and physically. Maybe not _totally _down, but certainly more than I'd ever been allowed to witness. I struggled to hide my shock as he closed his eyes. 

"Madonna is my sister," I offered, laying next to him with my head propped on my elbow. I rested my other hand on his chest, tracing along the lines of his plastron. "And my roommate. She's my best friend." 

"Madonna," he repeated. "Is that her name?" 

"Yes." 

There was another moment of silence. "So you knew," he assumed quietly. The voice was tired, not accusative. "You knew about her and Leo." 

"Yes I knew. Which is not to say that I approved." 

"And you never said anything." 

I sighed. "What was I supposed to say, Raph? It's not my place; you know that." 

There was another long silence. I trailed my hand to his arm, but got no reaction. "I'm sorry, Raphael," I whispered. He didn't answer. 

I ran my fingers back and forth over the hard muscles in his upper arm. I didn't need to see him in action to know that his strength alone was deadly. I remembered the way those arms had held me down when we'd sparred, and pushed the thought away. "Why does it anger you so much?" I questioned. 

He was so still, it was almost as if he was asleep. His breathing came slow and steady, measured with the waves hitting the shore. "Raph?" I asked. 

No answer. I sighed. I knew he heard me. But he wasn't answering. "He loves her, Raph," I whispered. "You must know that. And neither one of us ever had the right to get in the middle of that." 

"A day, Kat," he breathed. His voice was nearly lost on the wind. "One. _Day_. After our father died." 

"You were mad before you knew that," I reminded him. 

He sighed. "Look, Kat, you don't know the way he lectures me. And he's doing the same exact thing. And he's been doing it since Splinter died. He was doing it while we mourned." 

"That bothers you," I observed, half expecting him to get furious again. He didn't. 

"It's disrespectful," he sighed, his voice ringing with sadness and quiet anger. 

"To who? To Splinter or to you?" 

He didn't answer. I stroked his arm, rubbing back and forth gently. Through another long silence, I closed my eyes and listened to the water wash up on the sand. "You said you want me to be honest?" he whispered. I stared at him, shocked. "Honestly, I know he loves her. I know he does or he wouldn't have..." He choked. I trailed over his arm to his plastron and traced the indentations with my fingernails again. "He's not like me. Oh, god, he's not like me." 

Tears fell, and I looked away. He was opening up. I doubted he'd ever done that in his life. And a part of me hated myself, that I was the one he was trusting now. Still, I had what I'd asked for, what I'd worked so hard to get. He was talking. "Have you ever been in love, Raphael?" I asked. "Do you know how he feels?" 

He sat up then, and looked down at me. The stillness broken, it was as if the world had been rocked by an earthquake. In the moonlight, I could see that his face was streaked with tears. He studied me, as if he were searching for something. "No," he breathed, his voice barely audible. 

I stared into his eyes as the moonlight reflected off the water and cast shadows over us. I could get lost in those eyes... "I've never been in love..." he whispered. 

I rose to meet him, and my free hand went to his shoulder as our lips touched. He helped me up, his strong arm circling my waist as his tongue slipped into my mouth. I melted into him, letting him hold me as we kissed deeply. With hardly any effort, he pulled me onto his lap. He held me with both arms now, still locked in the passionate kiss. I felt warmth radiate through me as his tongue slowly and methodically circled mine, probing at the very fiber of my being. I rested my palms on his shoulders as he closed the kiss and pulled away slightly. I felt lightheaded, staring deep into his eyes. He searched my soul as he slipped his fingers underneath my shirt. I felt his hands on my skin and breathed deep, feeling the drugging effects. 

Holy crap! What the _hell _was I doing? 

"No," I gasped, jerking away. "No, don't." 

I scrambled to back away from him, and he let me go. What the hell had just happened? _How _had it happened? That was out of the clear blue! And suddenly, I couldn't deny my attraction to him. Damn him! 

"This..." I struggled, panic creeping over me. "This is too fast!" 

I expected him to argue, to try and persuade me. I expected him to throw last night's events in my face. I'd already given him an invitation, as far as he was concerned. But this was different. This time, I felt something. It wasn't just a matter of taking advantage of his drunkenness, trying to get into his psyche. This time was real; and it scared me. 

He didn't fight. I let me retreat and didn't say a word. I crawled off his lap and sat in the sand. When I turned to look at him, he was sitting with his legs crossed, leaning back on his arms. He stared out at the water as if nothing had happened between us. I was glad. I didn't need those emotions right now. _What the hell just happened? _I screamed at myself. _And how could you allow it?_

****

LEONARDO: 

Madonna didn't know how to get back to the surface. So when she stumbled out of the lair, refusing to speak to me, I knew I had to follow her. I chose to remain at a distance as she ran blindly. Within an hour, she'd gotten herself totally lost. She leaned against the wall of the sewer and cried. I watched her for a moment before I made my presence known. She turned and looked at me, tears streaming down her cheeks. She didn't look at all surprised to see me. 

I stepped in front of her and took her hands. She looked away. "I'm sorry," I whispered. I was still not sure what I felt, or what I was going to do about it. I was confused, and more than anything I needed some advice. She was probably the only one who could give it. 

"So am I," she answered. "But this is the way it has to be." 

I studied her carefully, shocked. "What is?" I asked. Suddenly, I knew what she was going to say. Somehow, I knew. Dread crept over me, wrapping deathly cold fingers around my heart. 

There was a long silence. Finally, she looked back at me. "This never should've happened," she informed me. "We shouldn't be together." 

I said nothing. There was nothing for me to say. I stared at her, dumbfounded and having difficulty in breathing. "He's right, Leo. You've been dishonest with them and I've been dishonest with you." Her voice was cold. "And now I want you to take me home, Leo," she demanded. "And leave." 

I swallowed hard and dropped her hands, gasping for breath as I tried to appear calm. She couldn't do this to me... but she was doing it. God, no. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to pull myself together. When I opened my eyes again, she was standing before me with her hands on her hips. I breathed deep, and nodded slowly. I wouldn't argue with her. I still wasn't sure if I had a right to. Instead, I turned and led the way through the darkness. 

****

KATARINA: 

"So how did you... find me?" Raphael asked as we walked along the railroad tracks. The sun was on the horizon, rays of light shooting through the early morning clouds. 

"I followed you." 

"I thought you weren't coming back." 

I shrugged. "I brought Madonna down. To see Leo." 

"And then you followed me," he repeated, almost as if he didn't believe me. "How did you keep up?" 

I shrugged, digging my hands deeper into the pockets of my shorts. "I ran track and field when I was in school," I informed him. He nodded slowly. "To tell you the truth, you weren't that hard to keep up with. You're in real good shape, but you don't know how to run. Not long distances. You overexert yourself." 

He glanced at me. "How long did you run track?" he asked. 

I sighed. "I started in sixth grade. Kept with it until I graduated. I still run. It's one of the few escapes I have left." 

"You've studied martial arts, too," he directed. 

I nodded, remembering our sparring session. It seemed a lot longer than a week ago. "Yeah." 

"When did you start that?" 

"When I was three." He laughed quietly at that. "What?" I asked. 

He shook his head. "That's familiar," he informed me. "That was about when we started, too. Always thought it was a little... early." 

I kicked a rock down the path, watching it skip over the wood and bleached stones. "Did your parents teach you?" he asked. "Or did you go to a class?" 

I was silent for a moment, considering my answer. "Both," I finally replied. 

"You still talk to your parents?" 

I sighed. "I talk to my father. When he wants something from me. My mother's dead." 

"You sound kind of cynical," he observed. 

"Yeah, well. If your father had been like mine, you'd be cynical too." 

"Why?" 

I shook my head. "My dad never really gave a damn about me," I mumbled. "He did whatever he could do to get rid of me. Kind of puts a strain on the relationship, ya know?" 

"How did your mom die?" he asked. 

"That's a long story." 

He nodded slowly. "Well, I guess that's one thing we have in common then," he mumbled. "I never had a mother. Of course, I think it probably would've driven me nuts. Having Splinter worry about me was bad enough." 

I forced a smile and we walked in silence for a few minutes. "I don't think I have a father, either," I admitted. "I never really felt like I knew him when I was growing up. Never spent time with him. He was never there for me. Really, I spent most of my time with Madonna and her father." 

"I thought you said she was your sister," he reminded me. 

"Half-sister," I corrected. "We had the same mother, different fathers." 

"She still talk to her father?" 

I shrugged. "I don't know. She doesn't talk about him. I haven't heard anything about him in years." 

He studied me for a moment. "You're not curious?" 

"Why should I be?" 

"Well, you grew up with the guy." 

I smiled faintly. "Just because I grew up around him doesn't mean I liked him. I tried my best to avoid him. After my mother died, I stopped talking to him. Madonna did too, although they had issues long before that." 

He was quiet for a moment. "You two don't look much alike," he finally concluded. 

I smiled. "Yeah, funny, isn't it? She looks just like our mom. Not a touch of her father in her. I look more like my dad." 

We were quiet for a few more steps. "So what happened to your mom?" he finally asked. "Since she keeps coming into the conversation." 

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I haven't seen her in years. One day she just... disappeared." 

"And you think she's dead?" 

"Yes." 

"Any theories?" 

I glanced at him. "In honesty, I think Madonna's father killed her." 

He cast a questioning glance in my direction. "Why do you think that?" 

"I think she found out about... things he didn't want her to know." 

"Like what?" 

I considered telling him, but decided it wasn't my place to talk about the abuse Madonna went through. "Just... issues between him and Madonna." 

"He molested her?" 

I stared at him shocked that he could read my mind so clearly. "I didn't say that!" I stammered. 

He shrugged. "I've seen it before, Kat. It's nothing new." 

For a moment, I said nothing. "Yes," I finally answered. "He did." 

"He ever touch you?" 

I was surprised by the directness of his question. I glanced at him and saw him staring down at the tracks. He was acting as if he'd just asked me about the weather again. "My father would have killed him," I determined after considering the thought. 

"Well, I suppose that's one thing to his credit." 

"What is?" I questioned. 

"You father didn't want to see you hurt, if nothing else." 

"Yeah," I agreed quietly. 

Then I turned my eyes back to the tracks in front of us. "You think he actually would've killed your mother?" Raphael asked after another long silence. 

I nodded. "Yes. I do. He... isn't shy about killing." 

He was quiet. I stared down at the ground, matching our steps, and felt him take my hand. I glanced up at him, but he stared straight ahead, seemingly unfazed by the action. I looked back down at the tracks and felt the nervous tension subside. 

"You know, Kat," he mumbled, "we've kissed and touched and came about two inches from home plate..." I felt his eyes on me and tensed all over again. "And I still don't know what to say to you." 

I smiled at his confusion. "Well, then, don't say anything." 

"I still feel like I've gotta ask permission to hold your hand." 

I stopped walking. He stopped next to me and we turned to face each other. It was time to set this straight, and lay down some ground rules. "I like you Raph," I mumbled. "But I don't want to fall in love with you." 

"I like you too," he admitted. "But I know that you're no different from the rest of them." 

I stared at him, stunned into silence by his accusation. How could he say that? He didn't know me! But I felt the air squeezed from my lungs as I realized how right he was. No different from all the other women who had hurt him. But in a way, I knew he was wrong. I _was _different. I was worse. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

I stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep. It wasn't surprising. I'd spent the whole day in bed, with nowhere else to go. I didn't want to talk to anyone, especially Leonardo, so I stayed secluded. So now, at 4:30 in the morning, I was wide awake. I stood up. 

The lair was silent. I slipped out unnoticed, grabbing my hat and trenchcoat. At this time of night, I could walk around pretty freely in the city. Nobody was awake enough to notice. The streets of New York City were never really bare, but at this hour, nobody really _cared _who they were passing. I made my way to the surface and walked along the sidewalks without a destination. When I stopped, I was surprised to find myself standing in front of Kat's apartment complex. 

I looked up at the building. I should go up there. _And say _what, _Raph? _I sighed. _That you can't stop thinking about her? That you think you're in love with her? You're an idiot._

Yes, I was. I knew I was. An idiot. Alone and stubborn. And let's not forget insecure. _God, Raphael, you're pathetic._

I slipped into the alley next to the building and leaned back against the brick wall. I _was _pathetic. I knew all about manipulating women. Hell, I knew how to manipulate anyone on the face of the earth. I knew I could get what I wanted from Kat. The problem was, I didn't know what the hell that _was_. 

__

Right, Raph, manipulate her. Why don't you just sleep with her and get it over with? 

No, I knew I didn't want that. Not _just _that, anyway. _Well, what is it you want? You don't love her. You can't love her, you don't know how!_

The thought struck me as I realized how right I was. I wanted to love her. I wanted to really be in love. For once. Forever. 

I stared up at the wall behind me, and at the fire escape. I knew right where her apartment was. I could go up there right now. She'd be asleep, maybe dreaming. _You can't manipulate her into loving you, jackass. The most you can do is get in her pants and hope you make an impression. _

Shut the hell up! I yelled back. I'd had enough. I jumped up and grabbed the fire escape, pulling myself up easily. 

__

This is stupid. It's not gonna work! 

What's not gonna work? There's no plan, remember? 

I hesitated. No plan. What would I say to her? I stopped and considered retreat. I decided against it and kept moving. I was surprised to see the living room light on. I slipped through the window silently and found myself face-to-face with Madonna. 

She glared at me. "Get the hell out," she ordered, her voice cold. 

"I didn't come to talk to you," I told her. "I said get out," she repeated. 

"I need to see Kat." 

"She's asleep. Leave." 

"Wake her up," I demanded. I wasn't backing down. 

"You. Leave. Katarina. Alone, you jackass," she shot, pacing each word. "And get the _hell _out of my apartment! Now, before I call the police." 

The threat meant nothing to me, but the fact that she'd made it in the first place struck me. Fine. I'd just have to find another way in. 

***

The cool breeze outside didn't deter her from leaving her window open. I slipped inside her room, past the thin, white curtains. She was asleep, her black hair fanned behind her. Her head was resting on her hands, her eyes closed and a faint smile on her lips. A blanket was pulled halfway up her arm, and her shoulder was bare. I wondered if she was naked under the blanket. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful. 

I knelt on the floor next to her and brushed my fingers over the side of her face. She breathed in deeply and let the breath out with a soft moan as she stirred. I traced her lips and felt her come awake beneath my touch. "Raph?" she whispered as she came to. 

Her eyes opened slowly and she smiled faintly. "Raph, what are you doing here?" 

"I... wanted to talk to you," I mumbled. 

"Why? Something wrong?" 

"No, I..." 

__

...have absolutely no idea what I'm going to say to you. 

She smiled, reading my thoughts, and brushed my face with the backs of her fingers. "You shouldn't be here," she told me. 

"I know," I answered. 

She sat up slowly, clutching the blanket to her chest. I rose with her and sat on the edge of the bed. "You said, yesterday, that you didn't want to fall in love with me," I mumbled, staring into her eyes. "Why?" 

A confused look crossed her face. "Why do you ask?" 

"Why do you not want to answer?" 

She tucked the blanket under her arms and rested her hands in her lap. "Raphael, I _can't _love you." 

"Why?" I pleaded. "Tell me why." 

"You don't need to know why," she sighed. "And I can't tell you." 

I rested my hands over hers. "Kat, please..." 

She sighed deeply and looked away. "I'm not who you think I am. Madonna and I... we're different." 

"And I'm _not_?" I challenged. 

She pulled her hands away, seeming a little irritated. "You wouldn't understand, okay? We come from a sick, twisted world and we can't spend our whole lives running from who we are." 

"We," I repeated. 

"Madonna and I." 

"I don't want you to pretend to be something you're not," I whispered. "I want you to be yourself." 

"Raphael, you don't _know _me," she snapped, an icy tone to her voice. "And if you don't mind, I'd appreciate it if you left now." 

I stared at her, hurt and confused. Once again, she was angry at me and I had no idea where I'd gone wrong. "Kat, I..." 

"Get out," she ordered. "And I want you to leave me alone." I stood up, still watching her. "You don't understand what I mean when I say I don't want to fall in love with you, so maybe you can understand a personalized restraining order." 

I backed toward the window, realizing it was nothing I had done. She had done it. For once, I had not instigated the fight. Anger bit deep into my heart. I wasn't trying to hurt her, but she was making a direct attempt at hurting me. Without another word passing between us, I turned and left. 


	11. The Offensive

The Offensive ****

MICHAELANGELO: 

Raph and Leo did not speak to each other for days. Neither one of them would say a word about what had happened. In fact, neither one of them would talk at all. Leo didn't eat. Raph didn't come home. On the rare occasion that they ended up in the same room, the tension wound up like a spring, and I waited in horrific expectation of the moment when it would snap. 

"You know, I kind of miss the arguing," Katarina sighed as she stepped into the kitchen. I glanced in her direction and did a double take. I had heard her come in, but hadn't seen her yet. 

"Damn," I smiled. "What are you all dressed up for?" 

"You like?" she grinned back, spinning around. She was wearing a tight, black leather skirt that sufficiently showed off her long legs. Her leather jacket was half-zipped and the shirt underneath it was red and cut straight across, just above her breasts. 

"What's the occasion?" I asked. 

She shrugged. "I've got a party I'm supposed to go to tonight. Figured I might as well just get dressed now instead of having to change later." 

I nodded slowly. "You look good." 

"Thanks." She ran her fingers through her hair. "Have you seen Raphael?" 

I shook my head. "Not recently. He had a hangover this morning, but he left around noon." 

She sighed. "I need to talk to him." 

"Well, when I see him, I can let him know." 

She shook her head. "No. That'll just piss him off. I guarantee it." 

"Why? You guys have a fight?" 

"Yeah, something like that. I... said some things I probably shouldn't have." 

Uh huh. I hoped that the "something" that had passed between Raph and Kat was nothing like the something going on with him and Leo. If Raph weren't so damned stubborn, I'd consider him a suicide risk right now. I still didn't know the story behind the fight. All I knew was that it had something to do with Splinter, and with the girl who'd been on the floor. I hadn't seen her since that night, when she'd run out of here as fast as she could. I could only imagine what her story was. I didn't want to think about it. 

"Well, with Leo and Raph not speaking to each other, it's been pretty quiet around here. We haven't had this much silence in months." 

She nodded. "Where's Donny?" 

"Take a guess." I nodded toward the closed off section of the lair. 

"What does he _do _in there?" she questioned. 

I shrugged. "Invents? Experiments? Who knows. He's in his own little world. Nothing gets in or out." 

She smiled. "What about you?" 

"What _about _me?" 

"Raph and Leo fight, he experiments, what do you do?" 

I stared at her for a moment. I'd never really thought about it before. "I watch a lot of TV," I offered. "More than I should, really. It pisses Leo off sometimes, but I don't fight with him. It's pointless. He's a lot better at it than I am. More practice." 

"So what do you do, just quietly submit?" she asked sarcastically, still smiling. 

"Nah, I have my own little methods of rebellion. I'm just a little more subtle than Raph." 

Leo walked into the room. "I think a _tornado _is more subtle than Raph," Kat laughed. 

At the mention of Raph's name, Leonardo tensed. There was a moment of nervous silence before Kat spoke up. "So what do you guys do for _excitement _around here?" Kat asked. "I mean, besides fight and watch TV?" 

I shrugged. "Why, you looking for something to do?" 

"Well, I was thinking maybe since you guys were so hospitable to me while I was here, maybe I could have you over to my place." 

She jumped up and sat on the counter, smiling. "So what do you say? Pick up a pizza and head over to my apartment?" 

Leo shook his head. "You go on ahead. I've seen it." 

I shot him a questioning glance, but kept my mouth shut. Kat sighed. "She's not there, Leo," she mumbled. "And you need to get some fresh air." 

I could feel the tension radiating from Leo, but I wasn't sure why. He said nothing. I shrugged. "Sounds like a good idea to me," I agreed. 

Kat smiled at me and looked to Leo. "Come on," she prodded. 

He eyed her suspiciously. "I..." he started. But he stopped. "Yeah," he finally relented. "Sure. Let me see if Donny wants to go." 

I shot him a questioning glance. Donny? Leave his lab for anything less than World War III? Surely, he must by joking. But he turned and walked away, toward Donatello's hideout. He wasn't kidding. 

I don't know what he said in there, but it must have been a convincing argument. A moment later, the two of them emerged, and the four of us went for a walk. 

****

DONATELLO: 

I'm not sure how he knew, but somehow, Leo had anticipated what was going to happen. It was crazy, but it was almost as if he'd been expecting it. Not that he was any more prepared, but he didn't seem surprised at all. But he couldn't have known. How could any of us have known? 

The street was dark, the lights lining the street having been turned off in an energy conservation measure. Never mind that the darkness beckoned thieves and murderers; it was far better to shut off all the lights than to raise the price of electricity. Of course, who was I to talk? I didn't pay bills. Not with money, anyway. Although I had often concluded that I more than paid my debt to society through my own blood, which had been spilled in these dark alleys almost nightly for the past three years. No, I was being dramatic. The truth of the matter was, I rarely got hurt on nightly patrols. Sore, maybe, but generally not hurt. 

On the other hand, while the pitch-black streets invited murderers and rapists, they also welcomed asocial mutant turtles. We roamed freely through these alleys with no fear of being seen. 

"So how long have you lived in New York?" 

"Well," Kat mumbled, "I was born here. But I grew up in Japan. I moved back when I got out of school." 

"Did you live with your parents in Japan? Or did you go alone?" 

She sighed. "My mother died when I was young. My dad didn't know what to do with me so as soon as I was old enough, he sent me to a boarding school in Japan." 

"That's... drastic," Mike observed. 

"{Do you speak Japanese?}" I assumed, asking her in the foreign language. I didn't speak the language as fluently as Leo did. But I could communicate with little hesitation. For me, reading was much easier than speaking. 

"_Hai_," she responded. "{Though I do not have much opportunity to use it here in the states.}" 

"Ever think about going back?" Mikey asked. He didn't bother to try and keep the string of Japanese going. 

"No. I never really saw it as an option. Besides, I don't think I really fit in over there." 

"I'd love to see Japan." 

Suddenly, Leo jerked to a halt. We all stopped and turned to him. "What?" I asked. 

"Something's wrong," he growled low, reaching for his weapons. 

I glanced around and saw the shadows move. I could see nothing threatening, but I began to feel the danger. We were being watched. I realized that we had instinctively enclosed Kat between the three of us. I heard her gasp as the shadows took shape. It was obvious who they were, and they wanted a fight, or they wouldn't be stalking us. We couldn't run; there was nowhere to go. But with the three of us together, I figured it would be a fair fight. Too bad Raph was probably off drinking somewhere. He'd enjoy these odds. 

It didn't take long before the alley was full of dark figures. I did a double take as I glanced at the apparent leader. I was not used to seeing female foot soldiers. In fact, she was probably the first I'd seen in the six years I'd been encountering them. 

I gripped my bo and braced for combat. The fight came soundlessly, the figures moving as one with the shadows. I caught the fist that came at me with my weapon, snapping hard against the wrist. Maybe I broke bones. Maybe I just made a bruise. At any rate, he backed off. But I didn't have much time to think about it before I was attacked again. 

****

KATARINA: 

As they sprang into action, I moved to the wall. I pressed my back to the brick, ready for combat if they attacked. Combat. Right. In a leather skirt and high heels. I wasn't doing any combat. I was sitting back and watching. That was all I _could_ do. The three turtles stood in front of me, demonstrating the typical male instinct to protect. I didn't mind, by any means; it gave me time to see the odds we were up against. There was no way in hell the three of them were going to take on all of these foot soldiers. Not without a serious act of God. I looked for a way out. There was one choice: run. The problem was finding a place to go. 

I saw them fight, locked in combat against immeasurable odds. For every one they took down, another two appeared. And the fight raged on. I didn't know how long, but it felt like only seconds. I lost sight of Mike as he melted into the crowd of black. I struggled to see through the darkness. I smelled blood. Then, I heard sirens. Red and blue lights flashed in the alley, and all hell broke loose around me as the _ninjas_ vanished into thin air. I felt Donny grab my arm. "Come on!" he pressed, dragging me away from the police cars. 

"Where's...?" I started. 

"No time!" he interrupted. 

We stumbled through the darkness, him half carrying me because of the high heels. I was going to twist my ankle, and I knew it. I couldn't kick them off, since they were strapped to my feet. I'd just have to take my chances. Don jumped onto the dumpster pressed against the alley wall and reached down to pull me up. He helped me over the dead-end wall, and vaulted over behind me. 

I was well aware that we were being followed. I was also aware that at the moment, we could do nothing about it. They were determined to finish the fight. And we'd gotten split up in the madness. My back pressed to the wall, I struggled to catch my breath. "You okay?" Donny asked. 

"I think so..." 

Suddenly, dark figures materialized out of thin air in front of us. Once again, we were surrounded. Donatello groaned as the dark woman stepped forward. 

"What the hell do you want?" he demanded. 

She smiled. "You," she rasped. "All of you." 

She attacked with a simple blow and Don blocked easily before dropping and trying to kick her feet out from under her. She didn't have a chance to fight back. Suddenly, I felt myself be grabbed from behind. "Donny!" I cried out instinctively. I was slammed to the wall and felt pain as my head smashed into the brick. He held me with a hand over my mouth. I knew I could get out of the grip, but instead, I glared at the foot soldier. I ought to have him killed. 

He studied me for a moment before I lashed out, lightning quick, and jammed the heel of my palm into his sternum. His grip loosened, as he realized the pain, and I hit his arm with mine and kicked him backward, the heel of my shoe plunging into soft tissue. He fell into Don who, as I realized, was again surrounded. It was as if the darkness itself were breeding the foot soldiers. They were everywhere. I ran to Donatello and braced for combat next to him. 

"Go find Raph!" he ordered quietly as he faced the crowd. 

"But I...!" 

"Go!" he whispered. "They won't follow you as long as none of us are with you. When you find him, Raph will probably be drunk off his ass, so do whatever you have to to get him to safety. If they're coming after us, it's only a matter of time before they find him." 

"What about you?" I demanded. 

"Go!" 

I turned and fled. He was right; they didn't follow me. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

The crowd roared in my ears. I stared down at the shotglass between my fingers. The clear liquid swirled with the colors of the bar. A blue gray smoke and dim florescent lighting. I lifted the glass to my lips and threw the burning liquid down my throat. I wasn't drunk. Far from it. It took a lot to get me drunk. But my senses were dulled. I was beginning to feel a little buzzed. Were I anyone else, I might be drunk by now. But I wasn't anyone else. I wasn't like them. A freak of nature, and alone even in the midst of those like me, I was hopeless, and I knew it. I hid my face from the crowd. The darkness covered me and I felt myself melt into it. There was a comfort there that I couldn't find anywhere else. Here in this place, where I was anonymous, I belonged. 

"Raphael." 

I looked up and saw Kat standing in front of me. She was wearing a tight leather skirt and a zipped up leather jacket. I stared at her for a moment. I had never seen her in anything like that. For a moment, she had my attention. "What are you doing here?" I demanded. 

"I have to talk to you," she informed me. 

"Go away, Kat," I snapped at her. 

"It's important, Raph," she insisted. 

I felt anger surge through me. Important? She had no concept of what was important to me, and I could care less about what she wanted to say. I had not yet forgiven her for her words the other night. I doubted I could. She'd hurt me, and I wasn't about to let her do it again. "Look, I don't care if the sky is falling, I don't want to hear about it right now." 

"Raph you're..." 

"Leave me the hell alone, Kat," I warned, cutting her off. 

"You're in danger, jackass!" 

I slammed the shotglass on the table. I didn't want to talk. My head was fuzzy, and I heard her say something more, but didn't understand it. "Yeah, when am I _not _in danger, Kat?" I shot back at her. 

"Get out of here while you still can," she glared. She spun away. 

Time passed; a minute or an hour, I couldn't tell. I couldn't shake her words. They were easing away the drunkenness faster than I could replace it. And I was losing interest in the alcohol. I looked around the bar. Katarina had vanished. I felt eyes on me. Two men, probably better described as teenage boys, were at the bar, half turned and glancing in my direction every few seconds. They didn't _look _threatening, other than that they seemed more interested in me than I cared for them to be. Still, Katarina's words echoed in my mind. _You better get out of here while you still can..._

I downed the rest of the alcohol in my hand and tossed a tip on the table. Eyes followed me out of the bar. I could feel the danger now. There was a tension in the room. I reached for my belt, brushing my hand against my sai for reassurance. Confident that I was fully armed, I pushed through the door and into the night. I was surprised to find that it was raining. I was not, however, surprised that I could still feel eyes watching me. They were going to follow me if I gave them the chance. 

I turned into the alley next to the bar and stopped cold. It was lined with dark figures. They clung to the roof of the two buildings and lined the walls. I didn't have a chance to try and guess how many there were. They didn't give me time to think. They acted. I reacted. 

I spun into a roundhouse kick as I reached for my weapons. I felt the connection, and saw one of the foot soldiers stumble backward. Escrima sticks came down toward my neck, but I caught them with the sai and twisted. The weapon flew out of the boy's hands and I side kicked into his ribs, already turned to face another attack. I spun the sai in my hand and used the blunted handle to smash into the bridge of his nose. Then I swung my arm sideways, catching the sides of heads with the metal prongs encasing my hand. 

I didn't give myself time to think, but I somewhere inside of me, I knew I would not win this fight. There were too many of them. I had fought against unbeatable odds before, and I knew I should run. But I would die before I gave in to the foot clan. Even knowing I would lose, I had to fight. It wasn't _in _me to do anything _but _fight. But somewhere in the back of my mind, I had to wonder what they would do this time. Maybe they'd just kill me and get it over with. I doubted it. More likely, they would use me as bait and try to kill all of us. Someday, they would succeed. For my brothers' sake, I hoped it wasn't today. 

I felt bones crack as I attacked the black-clad demons around me. I knew better than to over-exert myself, and I wasn't breathing hard. But I could still feel the exhaustion setting in. It wasn't a physical exhaustion. It was the knowledge that no matter how many of them I took out, there would be more to take their place. 

Suddenly, I felt pain sear through my left arm. _Great, Raph, _I chastised myself. _Just let your mind wander... I mean, no matter that you have a half billion members of the foot clan trying to take your head off..._

The blood running down my arm woke me up. I spun to the man who'd put it there and sliced across his chest with the tip of my sai. The _katana _he was holding, dripping with my blood, dropped to the ground. I couldn't fight like this. I was losing blood fast. Soon, I'd be unconscious. When I tried to use my left arm, it responded in excruciating pain. This fight was over. 

Suddenly, I heard tires screech behind me. I heard my name. Without thinking, I turned and vaulted over the hood of the car. The passenger side door was already swinging open and I dove inside. We sped off before the door was even closed. I breathed hard, adrenaline still pumping through my veins. "Try not to bleed all over my car, huh?" 

I glanced over at the driver and saw that it was Katarina. I had expected that. I shrugged out of the trench coat, grateful that it was dark and rainy outside. A deep gash ran from my shoulder to about an inch above my elbow. I clenched my teeth at the pain. "I'm not sure I can do anything to stop it," I informed her. 

She glanced at me, a concerned look on her face. Headlights flashed in the rearview mirror. "I can't stop," she told me, glancing behind us. 

"I know," I cringed, trying to think. 

I struggled with my bandana and tied it around my arm with my free hand and my teeth. It wasn't much, but at least it was _something_. I pulled it as tight as I could and held it. I was losing blood fast. We swerved around a corner and she floored the gas pedal. I caught my breath as we lurched forward. The cars behind us quickly caught up. 

"You're not gonna outrun them, Katarina," I whispered. 

"Shut up, Raphael," she shot back. 

Suddenly, she slammed on the brakes. I cried out as I flew into the dashboard, hitting my already-injured arm. We spun on the slick street and I heard the tires squeal as we took off again. I felt light on my face and looked out the windshield. "Jes-!" 

They swerved to avoid us and we just barely avoided a head-on collision with the cars that had been following ours. I heard them crash behind us and jumped back up onto the seat, looking out the rear window. A ball of flame protruded out of a large window in a shop. The other car was spinning. It stopped when it hit a light pole. 

Katarina's eyes flicked to the rearview mirror, then back to the road in front of her. She let up on the gas. I turned and sat in the seat, drenched in my own blood and helpless to stop it. I leaned my head against the cool pane of glass next to me and slipped into blackness.


	12. Kiara

Kiara ****

SHREDDER: 

"I told you I didn't want her endangered." 

"Yes, Master Shredder. But you also said that you didn't want them to _know _you were sparing her..." 

I turned and hit the arrogant student, scraping against his face with the talons on the back of my hand. "I don't need you to remind me what I said!" I shot at him. "You should not have to disobey one order to make way for another! The instructions I gave you were not difficult!" 

"She gave us no choice," the boy defended, hanging his head. Blood dripped down the side of his face. I should break him in half for his disrespectful arguing. 

"Get out of my sight!" I growled at him. 

He backed away, bowing as he left. I felt a presence nearby and spun to see Kiara pad silently into the room. Her movements were fluid and cat-like as she perched on the arm of the red-leather couch. "{I have delivered what I have promised,}" she spoke. 

"{In part,}" I agreed. 

"{And I have not failed you.}" I regarded her silently. She leaned back and rested her head on the back of the couch. 

"{You are not yet through,}" I reminded her. 

"{No, I am not.}" 

"{So when can I expect the completion of this, offensive, as you call it?}" 

"{Soon, father,}" she assured me. "{It will not be difficult now.}" 

She shifted her eyes to me, but kept her head bowed. I stood silent for a moment, then turned and left the room. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

I became aware of my surroundings. No, I became aware that I _had _surroundings. I wasn't sure where I was. I felt pain, something warm and wet on my arm, wiping away blood. Still only half conscious, I grabbed at the object of my pain and my fingers wrapped around a thin wrist. 

"Relax, Raphael..." she whispered. She said something else, too, but the ringing in my head drowned it out. 

"Where...?" I struggled. "Where is everyone?" 

She gently pried my grip from her and returned my arm to my side. "You want to wake up a little first," she advised. 

"Don't tell me what I want," I snapped at her. I realized I still hadn't opened my eyes and forced them open. The room was dark, lit by a candle on the bedside table. "Where are we?" I demanded. 

"My apartment." 

I groaned, remembering more than I wanted to. "Where are my brothers?" A sad look crossed her face. "They've been captured." 

"Captured," I repeated. 

"I got a phone call on my cell. Some woman, claiming to be heading an offensive to kill all of you. By the foot. Kiara." 

I swallowed hard and closed my eyes again, exhaustion sweeping over me. I could feel the blackness calling me. "Kat?" I whispered as I felt myself falling. 

"Yes, Raphael?" 

"I..." 

Words faded. I forgot what I was saying. I felt myself slipping away. She rested her hand on my arm. "Rest, Raphael." 

I rested. 

****

DONATELLO: 

I was only half-conscious when I heard footsteps far away. I forced my eyes open and looked up. My head was spinning, and I knew I was drugged. It didn't ease the pain. I could feel the blood and bruises around my wrists, the metal handcuffs biting into my skin. I glanced at Leo. His head was hung and tilted to the side. For a moment, I wondered if he was asleep. He looked exhausted, and defeated. It didn't provide me with any kind of reassurance, that was for damn sure. "Leo?" I choked, gagging on the stale air. 

He looked up slowly. "Where are we?" I asked. 

"I don't know," he rasped. His voice was dry and scratchy. 

I closed my eyes as the vertigo around me intensified. "Why are we still alive?" 

He coughed, his body convulsing limply from the chains. He was in worse shape than I was. I wondered for a moment what they'd given us. Leonardo moaned and tilted his head back against the chain-link fence behind him. Simple bonds, but remarkably effective. "Have you seen Mike?" I asked. 

He moaned something that sounded like "no" and his head fell forward. If they didn't have Mike, they probably didn't have Raph, either. At least we had a fighting chance. It was hard to breathe. Took too much effort to keep my eyes open. Slowly, I fell back into the welcoming blackness. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

I felt warmth and a dull pain. As I slowly woke up, I identified where each was coming from. The pain was centered in my arm, where I could feel the gash pressed against bandages. The warmth came from behind me. I felt a hand low on my arm, far away from the wound, and skin was pressed to my leg. I breathed deep, taking in the faint scent of the woman lying next to me. 

I turned slowly and her arm retracted. She jolted awake and sat up. "Oh," she exclaimed, her face flooding red. "I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to..." 

"S'alright," I cringed as I settled onto my back. 

"I really didn't mean to..." 

I reached across my chest with my good arm and grabbed her wrist, guiding it back over my chest and pulling her down on me again. She hesitated, but didn't say anything. Slowly, carefully, I raised my hurt arm and rested it on her shoulders as she settled next to me. "How long have I been out?" 

"Almost a full day." 

I groaned and pulled away from her, suddenly wide awake. "I gotta go." 

"Where?" she challenged as I sat up. I cringed at the pain. 

"I gotta find my brothers." 

"No you don't!" she cried, half-laughing. "Raphael, are you insane? You're hurt!" 

"I don't have a choice," I mumbled. 

She stepped in front of the door before I could leave. "Lay down," she ordered, her voice cold and authoritative. 

I laughed at her. "You think you're gonna stop me?" I challenged. 

I pushed past her. She stepped aside, but then reached out as I passed and grabbed the wound on my arm. I instinctively tried to shake her off, but she held on tight. I relented for the sake of the pain, and stood still. She leaned into me. "I know you can't help but be a stubborn, impulsive idiot," she whispered. "But I didn't spend the last twenty hours taking care of you so you could go out and get yourself killed. So you're gonna turn around and lay down on that bed and _behave_." 

Her tone was amusing. She was really serious. And she wasn't letting up the pressure on my arm. The pain was becoming unbearable. "Fine," I relented. 

She let go and grabbed my shoulder, spinning me around. I walked back down to the bed and sat down on the edge of it. I was gonna have to wait until she fell asleep or something. Not that I had any idea where I would go... 

****

MADONNA: 

His arms were raised over his head, the metal handcuffs lined with dried blood. His head was hung and tilted to the side. For a moment, I wondered if he was sleeping. I had never seen him look so defeated. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. 

I heard my high heel shoes click on the cement floor. I was wearing a long, black evening gown, slit to halfway up my thigh. It was lined with sequins and cut low, with thin straps. My blond, permed hair was pulled up elegantly behind me. It was loose and some of it brushed against my shoulders as I walked. He looked up slowly, and the blank look on his face told me he was drugged. That was smart, since he was left here unguarded. 

He was out of it, but not so much so that he didn't recognize me. His eyes communicated shock, fear, and confusion, all at the same time. He whispered my name, his voice catching in his throat. He cringed as he took a breath. Nearby, his brother stared at me, also confused. 

"You," Leo choked. "You're Kiara." 

The name sounded like he'd meant it as an insult. I didn't answer, but took a step toward him. "Why?" he demanded, pain streaking his features. 

"Does it matter, Leo?" I whispered. "Does it really matter?" 

"Yes, it matters!" he cried, cringing in pain as the words formed. 

I reached up and placed my hands on his cheeks, leaning in to kiss him. He didn't fight me, but he didn't kiss back, either. I ran my fingers down the center of his torso as I pulled away. "It was hard, Leo," I admitted. "It was harder than you know." 

"Then why?" he asked. 

I ran my fingers along his skin. It was cold and clammy, and he closed his eyes in silent surrender. He didn't bother fighting me. "It just couldn't work, Leo," I informed him, pain choking my voice. "I have a responsibility, and I can't turn my back on that, no matter what I feel or want." 

I heard a sound behind me and turned. "Shredder," Leo choked. I bowed respectfully and he nodded in reply. He looked past me at the figure hanging on the wall, and glanced over at his brother. I turned and caught Leonardo's stare. He clenched his jaw, anger shining through his eyes. "You won't get away with this," he growled, but not to me. 

I felt the dark figure behind me press in close and cringed inwardly. _No, please, _I silently begged. _Please not here..._

His hands circled my waist and I heard his breath resonate in the faceplate. It offered me reassurance. As long as he was hidden behind the mask, he couldn't kiss me. But his hands roamed down, over my hips, careful not to slice through my dress with the claws that protruded from his wrists. He found my skin through the slit in the side of the dress and I drowned out the sensations. I could separate myself by now. And I soon realized that it wasn't me he was interested in. He was staring at Leonardo, challenging him. Leo glared back with hatred in his eyes. 

"I already _have _gotten away with it," came the deep, inhuman reply. 

Leonardo glared back, but said nothing. There was a moment of tense silence before the hands on my hips retracted. Without a word, he was gone. I stared at Leo for a moment, then turned to leave. 

"Madonna," he called after me. 

I stopped and turned. The pained look on his face broke my heart in two. I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes. "I love you," he choked. 

I thought my legs would fall out from underneath me. Tears threatened to overflow. I wanted to answer him. I wanted to throw my arms around him and tend to his wounds, inside and out- wounds I myself had inflicted. I wanted to fall to my knees and beg for forgiveness that I knew he would grant me. That's what hurt worst of all. I knew he meant it. He loved me. And I knew I still loved him. 

Duty. Everything I wanted, everything I loved, weighed against a daughter's duty. 

"I'm so sorry," I choked. I turned and walked away, feeling the hot tears overflow. Outside, it was raining again. I stepped out into the shower, felt it beat on my shoulders, saw the colors blur in the sheet of gray... and I cried. My tears mingled with the rain as I slid along the wall, ripping the back of the dress as I collapsed into a puddle of mud. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

"You're not going anywhere," she informed me. 

"Kat, we've been over this," I answered. "I stayed the night, but I need to go find my brothers. It's not an optional thing." 

She reached for my arm, but I caught her wrist. "Don't," I threatened. She said nothing. "I can't just sit here and do nothing," I tried to explain. "If they're in danger, I have to do something about it. Whether I'm hurt or not." 

She pulled away from me and grabbed the phone off the bedside table. She held it out to me. "Call them. If they got home, there's no reason for you to go out there and commit suicide." 

I stared at her for a moment before taking the phone. Somewhere inside of me, I knew she was right. Otherwise, she wouldn't stop me. But the pain in my arm made it hard to clench my fist, much less hold a weapon. If they were in danger, I was powerless to help them. Still, I wanted to know. 

I took the phone and dialed the number, praying that someone would answer. It rang and rang, and I didn't hang up for a full two minutes. Kat left the room and I glanced toward the window. I could get out of here easily. I'd be gone before she realized I was leaving. She couldn't keep me here. But what good would it do? 

I pulled the cordless phone away from my ear and stared at it for a moment. I called April. No answer. I didn't feel like leaving a message on her answering machine. And if I did, where would I tell her to call me back? I didn't even know the number here. No sense in worrying her, anyway. 

There was a knock on the front door. I walked over to the bedroom door and closed it, locking myself in. I doubted I'd have to worry about hiding, but I didn't want to stand in the doorway when Kat answered. I glanced at the clock. No wonder why April didn't answer. She was at work. I sighed. I didn't want to worry her, but I knew full well that she would be the first one any of my brothers would call. I dialed the number to the newsroom as I heard another knock at the door. 

"News Channel Three, this is..." 

I heard a scream and dropped the phone as I heard a crash. The front door slammed against the wall and wood splintered as I jerked the door open without turning the handle. Kat was struggling to get up, having stumbled back onto the end table for the couch. A lamp was on the floor, broken. There was a loud crash as dark figures flew through the windows and streamed in through the door. Oh. Shit. 

I reached for my weapons instinctively. This was going to be one hell of a fight. There weren't really all that many of them. But in this confined space, with no help, and having only one good arm, I was in trouble. Kat was on her feet again, and she backed toward me, arms raised and prepared for battle. I considered the thought. She was in cutoff shorts and a T-shirt, her dark hair pulled back in a high ponytail. But if she'd ever looked ready to fight, it was now. Anger sparked in her eyes as she glared at the foot soldiers invading her home. And I watched as she sprang into action. 

****

KATARINA: 

I could feel Raphael nearby. I drowned out the pain as blood spilled from my knuckles. Angry and confused, I was not thinking clearly. I knew my movements were sloppy. But I could still kick ass. They were on my turf, and that gave me certain advantages. 

I vaulted backwards over the sofa and spun to grab the _katana _that hung above my fireplace. I threw the sheath aside and braced with it in front of me. I'd spent three years learning _kenjutsu_. I was in no way a master of the art, but I was competent. And they were unarmed. 

Suddenly, the room filled with smoke. It exploded around me and I gagged, trying to stay focused as I fought back the dark figures. I was blind, and I felt my grip on the sword slacken as I struggled for air. Then, suddenly, the weapon was out of my hand. I felt arms grab my wrists as I fought blindly, choking. My eyes burned as I stumbled back. I felt a kick connect with my stomach, and felt searing pain as I flew backward, crashing into something. Blood ran as I slipped into blackness. 

****

LEONARDO: 

__

Bittersweet memories mingle with present pain. I'm on the edge of her bed as she opens the door slowly. I look up. Our eyes lock and I read a look of concern. "Leo, are you okay?" she asks. 

No, I'm not okay... pain... falling... a blackness that began forming months ago claiming me. My weakness. My frailty exposed. Death inevitable and sadness eternal. The essence of love. 

I hang my head again and close my eyes. Silence engulfs us. I feel her sit down on the edge of the bed next to me. She doesn't ask. I don't tell. But she knows. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry." 

A shimmering black dress slit nearly to her hip. Her shoes click on the floor. I hang from my wrists, a dull pain ever-present behind my eyes. Madonna. Kiara. The realization sinks its teeth deep into my heart, spilling blood. "Why?" 

"Does it matter, Leo? Does it really matter?" 

Confusion. Memories. I feel the tears sting as she sits next to me, running her hand along my arm. My father, my sensei _is dead. We'd buried him in an unmarked grave, and I know now that I will never see him again. My secret source of strength is suddenly gone. I feel Madonna turn and pull my head to her chest, rocking gently back and forth. I had never had a mother to compare the action to, but it was exactly what I would have expected a mother to do. "It's okay," she whispers. "It's okay." _

And it does matter. It matters because I love her. She leans into me; the gown itches my already burning skin. Her kiss sends tears streaming down my cheeks. I feel used. I feel alone. I feel love for this woman standing before me, and lust as her hands trail down my body. Even now, I burn for her. "Why?" 

The tears run onto her chest. Then, they won't come anymore. I pull away slowly and turn my face from her. "I'm sorry, Madonna," I choke. "But I... I didn't know where else to go. I didn't want to go home and..." I pause for a moment. Her hand falls gently on my leg and I close my eyes. "And I didn't want to be alone." 

"It's okay," she assures me. "It's okay, you're always welcome here." 

I breathe deep as I feel her hand rise to my neck and shoulders. Her touch is so gentle, calming the storm of emotions that rages inside of me, uncontrolled. I don't like not being in control. I feel vulnerable, but I know that I can trust her. 

Oh, God, why do I trust her? Why did I ever trust her? Pain sears through my heart as the demon's hands circle her waist, pulling her to him forcefully. No! Don't touch her! _He watches me... challenging me. I'm powerless. _

I was falling in love faster than I could catch myself, until I found myself here. I hit the pavement at the end of the jump. I've never been in love before, and I'm afraid of what it could mean. I remember the talk that I had never meant to have with Master Splinter, just before he died. He had approved of Madonna. And he told me, in so many words, that he approved of whatever relationship I would have with her. He gave me peace, and the assurance that I needed. I'm not making a mistake by falling in love with her. I am changing, and I am allowing myself to be changed. But there is nothing wrong with that. 

His dying wish... for all of us to find peace. 

I feel peace with her. Even with all of the turmoil raging in my head and my heart, her touch comforts me. She is beautiful, and her heart is so pure. She deserves a husband, a nice house, a child that she could show off to the world. I can't give her any of that. I could never give her that. Wishing for her love is cruel to both of us. But I feel her close to me, guiding me through the uncertainties of a new experience. She smiles, and I surrender. She knows what she's doing. She's teaching me. 

She teaches me to begin; she lets me continue. I take her body... she won't give me her heart. It's lost somewhere... in a bed with my mortal enemy. 


	13. Regrouping

Regrouping ****

KATARINA: 

I awoke to a gentle touch on the side of my face and moaned, feeling the pain sear the backs of my eyes. I had an incredible headache. "Hey," a soft voice whispered. 

I sat bolt upright, panic rushing over me like a tidal wave. Where was I? What the _hell _had gone wrong? Blood rushed to my head and I gasped at the pain. I felt a hand on my arm as the darkness cleared. The room was dim and silent, a soft glow coming from a nightlight near the dresser. "Where am I?" I gasped. 

"Don't take this the wrong way... You're in my bed." 

I looked over and saw Raph laying on his side. He smiled faintly. "Just rest," he urged, gently pulling me back down next to him. I didn't fight him. The pain behind my eyes was excruciating. 

Laying back down, I breathed deep, the panic settling. "What happened?" I choked. 

"The fight at your apartment. Do you remember?" 

I nodded slightly. "Sort of," I whispered. What the hell had gone wrong? 

He brushed my hair away from my face. "You were thrown through a window, Kat," he informed me. "But you're okay. Some cuts and scrapes but nothing deep. And you hit your head. You've been out for about three hours." 

I moaned. "That's a long time. And I'm still tired." 

He sighed. "You and me both." 

I tried to stretch, to work out the stiffness in my muscles. I was sore from not having moved in so long. But I returned to the same position, pressing against his muscled arm with my head on his shoulder. His arm circled me and held me tight. I breathed deep, not wanting to admit how safe he made me feel. For a long time, we were still. I watched the glowing red minutes change steadily, counting the seconds between them in my head. 

His hand rubbed back and forth gently, through my clothes. Then, his fingers slipped under my shirt and callused fingers met soft, protected skin. Instinctively, I wanted to pull away as I felt his hot breath come just slightly faster on the back of my neck. But his touch was gentle and soothing. The heat from his body felt good behind me. I found that I didn't want him to stop. 

I turned toward him and pressed close to his hard chest. His hand slipped around my waist as I hid my face in his neck. Skin met skin below my cutoff shorts. He rubbed gently at my back and steered clear of forbidden areas. I waited for him to say something; he never did. I bowed my head and pressed closer to him. 

I didn't resist him as he eased me onto my back and leaned over me. He ran his hands down my arms, careful to avoid the cuts that still stung. Our lips met and my eyes slid closed. I didn't resist him, curious about this new feeling. I'd never felt like this before, and I was surprised that Raphael was the one to raise these new emotions in me. Emotions. Damn my emotions. 

Suddenly, he sat straight up, looking toward the door. There was a moment of silence as my body coped with the withdrawal. "What's wrong?" I asked. 

"I thought..." he started. Silence flooded the room and he shook his head slightly. "I must be hearing things." 

I sat up next to him and put my arms around his shoulders, pressing hard to his chest. Once again, I had his undivided attention. He sank down into the blankets, pulling me on top of him. I felt his fingers in my hair as he kissed me again, picking up right where he left off. 

The bedroom door flew open. Raph and I both jumped and I spun my head around to see who the intruder was. "What the hell?" Raph cried out angrily before he saw who was at the door. "Mike!" 

Michaelangelo stared at the scene before him, momentarily stunned into silence. I let go of the breath I had been holding in and laid my head on Raphael's chest, turning my eyes away as Mike laughed out loud and grabbed the door, slamming it shut. I could still hear laughter drifting through it as Raphael bounded out of bed, grabbed his belt and weapons off the chair, and was gone. I stared up at the ceiling. He was better than a cold shower. 

__

And that's a good thing, too. Damn _you! You know this is wrong!_

It was. And I _did _know it. 

****

LEONARDO: 

I was too exhausted to cry. Besides, the tears had all been spent. Donny still hadn't said anything, but I knew it was coming. He'd never really met Madonna, but I was pretty sure he recognized her from the brief encounter in the living room. He was probably just as confused as I was shocked. Finally, I heard him speak. 

"How do you know her? Really." 

I felt my chest tighten. How _did _I know her? Apparently, I hadn't known her as well as I thought I did. "Leo?" he asked when I didn't answer. 

"She's my girlfriend," I whispered to the darkness. "At least... she was." 

"Yeah, I got that impression." 

__

Then why did you ask? 

"Why did you break up with her?" 

I considered his words. I hadn't been expecting that question. "I didn't," I mumbled. "She broke up with me." 

I remembered the grief that had pierced through me as she told me to leave. I now I understood why she had done it. "Why?" he questioned. "Was it Raphael? In the living room?" 

I remembered the look in Raphael's eyes as he held me to the wall. The pain in his words had cut me to the core. _"Did Splinter know? Did you lie to him?" _His tears were permanently burned into my memory. I swallowed hard. 

I explained. I told him all about her and he tried not to act shocked. He knew nothing about Madonna, and hearing that I had been intimately involved with her for months surprised the hell out of him. He was so separated from the world since Splinter died. It was as if he'd crawled into a cave. We never talked anymore, and he was clueless about what had happened while he was away. 

"So is that what Raph meant?" he questioned. "When he said it was a day?" 

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the blackness. "I made love to her the first time a day after Splinter died." 

"A day," he repeated. He didn't sound angry, but he was definitely shocked. "As in, that's where you went after we buried him?" 

"Yes," I whispered. "But I... it wasn't..." 

I stopped. I couldn't justify it. I didn't really want to try. It was quiet for a moment. He sighed. "Jesus, Leo. I never thought I would hear anything like that coming from you." 

"I know," I whispered. "I didn't really... _mean _for it to happen. But I didn't know where else to go. I didn't want to go home when..." I hesitated, the feelings of loss sweeping over me all over again. "...when he wasn't there. So I went to her apartment." 

__

Her quiet, reassuring voice. "You're a mess. Why don't you go take a shower?" 

She stands and pulls me to my feet. "I..." I started to protest. 

"Leo..." she pleads, searching me. 

The pain is overwhelming. I look away. "I should go." 

"No," she whispers, closing her hands over mine. "No, I want you to stay. Please stay. You don't want to be alone, and I don't want you to leave." 

Her gentle touch. She stands on her toes and kisses my forehead "Go take a shower and then you can get some rest. It's late, and..." I open my mouth to argue with her, but she places her finger over my lips. "...and frankly, you have nothing better to do." 

"I don't know how it happened, Don," I whispered. "I didn't go there with the intention of doing it. But it felt right. And I don't regret it." 

I didn't realize what I'd said until after I'd said it. I'd always lived my life with no regrets. But this time, my actions had ended us up here. I regretted the outcome, if not the experience. Donny had to see that, but he decided not to twist the knife. I was grateful. Raphael would not have been so merciful. 

"Leo?" he asked after a long silence. 

"Yeah?" 

"Did Splinter ever meet her?" 

Memories flooded through my mind in one great tidal wave. 

__

She sits on the floor, legs crossed and watching him carefully. "You seem fearful, child." 

"Nervous," she admits, laughing tensely. 

"For what reason? Have I made you uneasy?" 

She exchanges a glance with me and I smile my reassurance. "No, Splinter-sama," she answers. "It's just that... well, I'm not sure what to say." 

"And the silence frightens you," he continues. 

She nods, her eyes downcast. She is trying to be honest. "Do you like my son, Madonna?" 

She flushes red, and I tense. We have not yet addressed this issue. But she looks up and catches my stare. The tension subsides as a smile crosses her lips. "Yes," she answers. "Very much." 

Master Splinter smiles in return. "Then I feel it is safe to say that you are welcome here..." 

Jolted back into the present by a surge of pain, I shake away the dream. "Yes, Splinter met her," I whispered, pushing aside the memories. 

"What did he say?" 

"He..." Approved. The word sounded strange on my lips. He'd approved. I had introduced them because I felt guilty, almost as if I was lying by saying nothing. I had expected consent. I had not expected him to welcome her as warmly as he did. 

Splinter had not been prejudice, by any means. But he was cautious. He warned us about publicity. And he'd never approved of any of Raphael's girlfriends. In fact, it had bothered him so much that eventually, Raph and I had it out, and I told him not to bring his girls around. He didn't do it again. 

"He liked her," I mumbled. 

Donny said nothing. A silence fell over the dark room. 

"Leo?" he finally asked. 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm sorry." 

And he meant it. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

"You don't know how glad I am to see you, bro," Michaelangelo chuckled, still trying to hide his amusement. 

I glared at him. "Feeling's mutual," I mumbled back. 

"Uh, huh," he grinned, as if he didn't believe me. I wasn't going to dignify his doubt with a defense. 

"Where are Leo and Don?" I demanded. 

The smile fell and he turned serious. "I don't know," he answered. "We got split up. I was hoping maybe you'd seen them." I shook my head and he leaned back against the sofa. "I figured we'd regroup here, but when nobody showed up for two days..." 

"I tried to call," I told him. "You didn't answer." 

"Where were you?" 

"I was at Kat's apartment, unconscious for the majority of the time." 

He eyed me suspiciously. "Unconscious? That have anything to do with your arm?" 

I glanced down at the bandages still surrounding my bicep. "Long story," I mumbled, looking away. I didn't want to go into details with him. 

He sighed. "I was hoping maybe they hadn't gotten to you. Maybe they couldn't find you. Lord knows, we have a hard enough time doing it sometimes." 

"Do you know where they might have taken them?" I asked, changing the subject before it could get out of hand. 

"No. I checked the obvious places, and there's no sign of anyone having been there in months." 

"What about the docks, where we found Kat?" 

He shook his head. "There's nobody been there." 

I sighed, crossing my arms over my chest carefully. My arm still stung. "Well, we obviously have to do something," I mumbled. 

"Yeah," he agreed. "But I'm out of ideas." 

Katarina emerged from my room, running her fingers through her hair. I watched her carefully as she wobbled unsteadily on her feet. "You shouldn't be up yet," I informed her. 

"I'm fine," she assured, gripping the wall for support. 

"What happened to you, babe?" Mike asked, apparently noticing the gash on her forehead for the first time. 

"They attacked my apartment," she mumbled. 

"Damn," he whispered to himself. "They're serious about this." 

"I have to go back," she mumbled. 

"No," I protested, forcefully. There was no way in _hell _I was letting her walk out of here. 

"They're not after _me_, remember?" she smiled faintly. "It was _you _they wanted. I'll be fine if I'm alone." 

"They put you through the _window_, Kat," I reminded her. 

Mike stared. "Isn't your apartment on the fifteenth floor?" 

"I ended up on the fire escape," she informed him as she approached me and rested a hand on my shoulder. "But they never would've come in the first place if you hadn't been there. Why would they go out of their way to find me again?" 

"Kat..." I warned. 

"Good-bye," she smiled. 

She kissed my cheek and I grabbed her arm as she turned to leave, well aware of the cuts I was pressuring. She cringed. "You're not leaving," I informed her, somewhat amused by the role change. Seemed like we'd just had this exact argument. 

She turned back to face me and I let go. "You gonna keep me here against my wishes? That's called kidnapping, Raph." 

"Sue me," I challenged. 

She crossed her arms carefully. "You can't keep me here," she replied. "What are you going to do, handcuff me to the bed?" 

"If I have to." 

She pressed close and draped her arms over my shoulders. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Mike smile. "Hmm," Kat grinned. "That could be fun..." 

She rubbed against me and breathed on my neck, then jerked away. I grabbed her again. "Nice try," I mumbled. "But I'm not _that _easy." 

She sighed. "Fine. But can I at least make a phone call? Or am I _really _a prisoner?" 

"A phone call to who?" 

She laughed. "What are you, my father now? Like it's any of your business!" 

I stared at her for a moment, then released my hold on her arm. "You know where the phone is," I mumbled. 

****

MADONNA: 

The blood pooled around his feet as the soldier fell. He pulled back his fist, thick, red liquid dripping from his palm, and looked toward me. "What are you doing here?" he demanded. 

"You are angry," I noticed. 

"As I should be," he shot at me, turning away. 

I closed the door quietly and walked across the room to where he stood, staring out the window. I dared not touch him, nor did I really want to. Instead, I stood behind him and looked out over the city. "They hurt Katarina," I mumbled. 

He paused for a moment. "Yes, I know." 

"She called me," I mumbled. "To make sure I was okay." 

"And you are perfectly fine," he told me. 

I gathered my nerve. "You said they wouldn't hurt her," I reminded him. 

"And it has already been addressed," he snapped. 

I smiled faintly at the irony. The man on the floor spoke volumes for his vengeance. "It has," I agreed. 

"And they were unsuccessful," he yelled at me. 

I glared at him. "I was not the one who ordered an attack on my own apartment; do not be angry at me." 

He spun to face me and I cringed instinctively, cowering at the icy glare. "What do you want?" he demanded. 

****

MICHAELANGELO: 

Silence. The stillness in the dark tunnels was eerie. That was good, because I needed to get away. I closed my eyes as I walked, concentrating on the darkness. Somewhere out there, my brothers were dying. If they weren't already dead. And I felt helpless. There wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I couldn't take on the entire foot clan alone. Raph seemed to think he could, but he was hurt. He wasn't a _total _fool. He knew when he was weak, even if he wouldn't admit it. 

I'd looked everywhere I knew to look. I'd checked the abandoned warehouses and the junk yards. And what would I have done if I'd found them? Fought bravely. Died quickly. I wouldn't have accomplished anything. I was not in any way helpless, but I knew my limits. And what if I made it through the foot soldiers? What then? Shredder would kick my ass, and I knew it. The only one who had come _close _to defeating him on his own was Raphael. Leo had managed to cause him some pain when we were fifteen. God, that seemed like so long ago. But we owed our lives to Splinter, in that case. Leo had nearly gotten himself killed moments after he managed to get a shot off on our opponent. 

I didn't even _know _the story behind Shredder's fight with Raphael. All I knew was that he pissed him off by doing something with or to his girlfriend at the time. Raph didn't even tell us until he came home, bleeding all over the place, saying that Shredder was dead. Nobody really knew how close to "dead" he had actually come. Raphael never spoke of the incident again. Leo made the mistake of bringing it up once, and Raph nearly killed him. Literally. 

I thought I heard a noise behind me and I spun around, snapping out of my trance. Even the shadows were still. There was no sound, and no movement. I didn't breathe for a moment. But then, assured of the solitude, I turned back. 

I felt pain slice across my arm and leg simultaneously. Gasping, I looked around me. I saw nothing, heard no one. But I could feel the blood run out of the thin but deep cuts. I scanned the ground. Three tiny, metal, pointed disks lay on the ground. _Shuriken_. I spun, knowing they had come from somewhere. But I could see nothing. I felt the world begin to melt around me as I felt dizzy. A figure moved through the darkness, gripping a sword at its side. Foot soldier. 

Pushing aside the feeling of nausea, I grabbed my weapons. "I don't want to fight you," a dark, female voice slurred. "You'd be best to just come with me. You are no match for a poison." 

"Over my dead body," I slurred, feeling the world spin. Poison. The throwing stars... 

"As you wish." 

My body was slowly turning numb. I dodged out of the way of her attack and brought the nunchucks toward the back of her neck. I don't know if I made contact. I didn't think I did. More pain, and I felt blood run as I staggered back toward the wall. _Don't drop your weapons. Whatever you do, don't drop..._

The nunchucks fell from my numb fingers. I looked up and saw the face of my attacker, uncovered and splattered in blood. I gasped as I collapsed into the darkness.


	14. Flames & Ashes

Flames and Ashes ****

Okay. I could not, for the life of me, figure out how to word this into the story. So rather than losing sleep over it, I figured I'd just go ahead and tell you flat out in a note:   
Keep in mind, as you read this chapter, that Leonardo does not know that Kiara is supposed to be Shredder's daughter. Nor does he know anything about Madonna having been molested, her mother allegedly being killed, etc. He doesn't have a CLUE how Madonna is connected to Shredder, other than that he was "intimately" touching her in a previous chapter.

  
"It's Been a While" belongs to Staind, not me. ;) 

RAPHAEL: 

__

Darkness. A warm body and a kiss, and he is lost again. I watch, numbed by pain and unable to move. A spirit only, without a body. My body is on the couch, with the faceless woman. She kisses him, and he is lost in another world. I look, and see my master, watching as I am, with a look of sadness in his tired eyes. He has warned. He has threatened. He has pleaded. All to no avail. The rebellious son will not listen. 

The room fills, with a crash and an undistinguished battle cry. Three more figures, weapons drawn, surround their sensei. I look to the creature on the floor, his lips locked with hers. He doesn't see. Doesn't hear. A man steps forward, a scar slashed across his face, and the battle is over before it is begun. The three brothers fight, and fall... and cry out for help. I cannot help. My body refuses, the heat of lust irresistible. 

I watch in horror as the scarred figure steps forward. Our sensei _does not fight. Perhaps he is too tired to fight, worn by the battle he carries on with his son, who chooses to ignore him, even as the blood runs. Tears, and sadness, run from the eyes of the three as their father falls. The separated figure runs a hand over the body beside him..._

***

I sat bolt upright and breathed hard for a few seconds in the darkness. Realizing that I had been dreaming, I then tried to figure out where I was. Quiet music drifted from somewhere in the darkness. I was on the couch. Why wasn't I in bed? I didn't remember. The clock on the wall said it was almost midnight. I was alone. 

Sweat ran into my eyes and I wiped it away, still trying to slow my breathing. In the eerie stillness, I suddenly felt a presence behind me and turned to see a dark figure standing at a distance. It was Katarina, and she was watching me. I closed my eyes and took a few deep breaths. "Are you okay?" she asked quietly. 

I felt her approach, and her hands ran lightly over my shoulders. "Fine," I lied. 

The visions still flashed across the backs of my eyes: the blood running from his throat as the metal claws slashed through his skin. They were not memories, but they were just as vivid. I swallowed hard and leaned back, welcoming Kat's gentle touch. Her skin was soft and moist, and I figured she must have just taken a shower. "Nightmare?" 

"Yes," I answered. 

She massaged gently. "Wanna talk about it?" 

"No," I snapped. I didn't want to talk. 

I felt her fingers ease away the tension and gradually, my pulse slowed. But then, I pictured the blood, heard the screams of my brothers, and saw myself... oblivious to it all. _Choosing _to ignore them. The tension crept over me again. "I never said good-bye," I whispered, the words forming themselves. Suddenly, I realized what I'd said and immediately silenced myself. 

"Good-bye?" she asked quietly. 

__

Great. What did you get yourself into this time? 

She leaned down and her hands joined over my plastron as she rested her head on my shoulder. Her wet hair fell over me and I felt her breath warm my skin. She kissed my neck and I felt excitement shoot through me, in spite of myself. 

__

Stop it, Raph, you know this isn't a good idea. 

"To who?" her voice interrupted my thoughts. 

I snapped back into reality. "Huh?" 

"Good-bye to who?" 

I shook my head. I had no desire to leave myself exposed. Not to her or anyone else. She sighed deeply and ran her fingernails over my plastron, tracing an invisible pattern. I could feel the vibration, but I wished I could feel her skin along mine. 

Pictures flashed. The faceless woman, welcoming me. Our souls intertwined and I totally forgot about the world around me. While he died. Pain seared the backs of my eyes again. A wave of anger and loneliness swept over me at the same time, mingling and leaving me confused. How could I do that? It was a dream, but it was real, too. It was what I _had _done. I'd ignored him while he died. 

I felt weak and vulnerable, and strangely, I didn't want to be alone. _Don't you ever just want to give up the fight and be honest? _I clung to her warmth, wishing nothing more than to trust her. But I couldn't trust her. I couldn't trust anyone. I'd been down that road before. I knew where it led. _Convince me, Kat, _something deep inside of me begged. _Please don't let me run anymore..._

****

MADONNA: 

__

I unlock the door to my apartment and stumble inside, setting the groceries on the floor as I grab my key out of the lock. I swing the door shut and sigh as I run my fingers through my hair. It's been a long day. I pick up the grocery bags and carry them to the kitchen where I shove them in the fridge without bothering to go through them. 

"What's the matter with you?" Kat asks, stepping into the room. 

"I'm tired, I'm irritable, and I want to go to bed," I answer. 

"Why?" 

"Just a long day," I lie. 

She smiles. "Sure this doesn't have anything to do with Leonardo?" 

I glance at her. She doesn't know how right she is. She knows nothing about Leonardo. They've met a few times, but to the best of my knowledge, they have not talked at length. I'm sure she doesn't know what's going on in his life right now, with Splinter sick and slipping away fast. But I do, and it kills me. I hate seeing him like this. My heart goes out to him every time I see that pained look in his eyes. I want him to get back to normal, to carry on those in-depth conversations about life and beliefs. He understands his belief system better than anyone I had ever talked to. 

I look away, pushing the trailing thoughts away. "Not exactly." 

"Nothing to do with the fact that he hasn't been around for four days?" I say nothing. "You're in love with him, aren't you?" 

I start to protest, but stop. It's pointless to lie to her. She wouldn't argue with me, but she would know. She sees right through me. "I don't know, Kat," I whisper, turning away. 

"I don't blame you, you know," she assures me. "I mean, I see how good he treats you. And I see the way you two look at each other, like you think the other won't notice." I blush. Of course she would see that. "Believe me, I don't blame you. But you know it's not a good idea." 

I look back up at her. "Kat, it's gotten to the point where I feel..." I search for words. "Where I don't care. I don't care what's write or wrong anymore, okay?" I shoot at her, surprised by my own honesty. "Every time I see him, I..." 

"Maybe you should stop seeing him, then," she suggests. 

I shake my head. "You don't understand, Kat. You've never been in love in your life." 

"Neither have you," she reminds me. "And your father was the one who made sure of that. What's he going to do when he finds out that now the..." She hesitates. "...man you choose to love is his enemy?" 

"I don't care, Kat." 

"You should care. Because you're gonna be hurt by this when it's over." 

I feel tears sting my eyes, but I hold them back. For a long time, there is silence. "You still want him?" Kat asks. "Still want to get involved with him?" 

I sigh. "Kat, I don't have that option. Even if I do _want to." _

"Why do you say that?" 

"He's not like that. He would never..." 

"Sleep with you, Madonna?" she interrupts, putting bluntly what I had tried to dance around. I glance away. "Are you really so blind that you don't see how he stares at you? Come on, babe, he'd take you in a heartbeat _if you offered." _

"No," I whispered. "He's too... too controlled. He doesn't love me like that, and I know he probably never will. But I still can't keep him out of my dreams." 

"Can't keep him out of your bedroom, either," she mumbles. 

I glance up, confused, and she nods toward the living room. "He's waiting for you," she tells me. 

I stare at her for a moment and a serious look crosses her face. "Be careful, Madonna," she warns. Then she smiles. "And I promise I won't ever say I told you so." 

I'm not sure how I feel about what she's implying, but I know how he would feel about it. So I push it out of my mind and head toward my room. 

***

My eyes opened and I stared up at the ceiling, suddenly wide awake. I didn't want to be awake. I wanted to sleep, to finish the dream. I knew what being awake would mean. 

I stared up at the ceiling, unable to fall away again. Seconds ticked by like hours, and hours like days as I waited for the dawn. I glanced at the figure sleeping next to me. So unarmed, so unaware. And yet, he was aware. He knew more than I cared for him to know. There was no love between us. Only a raw attraction he felt for me, and a duty I felt toward him. There was nothing more. 

I sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. The silence in the room was broken only by the gentle hum of a fan in the window. I felt the heat from his body, a violent, defiling lust for me coursing through his veins. I had never wanted it to happen this way, but at this point, I had no choice. I could not defy my father, no matter how much I wanted to. 

Thoughts of Leonardo flashed through my mind. I remembered waking up from nightmares, wrapped in his warm embrace. The way he comforted me, whispering sweet, gentle words that meant everything and nothing at the same time. My heart ached for him. I wanted nothing more than to roll over and feel him next to me. I wanted him to rock me to sleep. I'd never needed him so badly as I did right now. 

With a sudden and determined resolve, I sat up. I slipped out of bed silently and found my clothes from yesterday on the floor. I dressed quickly and quietly, then snuck out of the room. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

"Be honest with me, Raph," she begged. "I want to help you." 

"I don't need your help," I shot back. 

__

Dammit, Raphael, stop snapping at her! 

"Why are you so determined to be alone?" she whispered, unaffected. 

__

Been down that road before... 

"You can trust me..." 

__

No... 

"Do you believe you can trust me?" she breathed. 

__

No. 

"Yes." 

She hugged my neck from behind me. I felt her damp hair brush my shoulders again. "Then tell me," she prodded. "Tell me what you're feeling." 

"Alone." 

__

Don't do it, Raphael... Don't open up like this... 

"Forsaken?" she rephrased. 

I considered the word. "Unforgiven," I corrected. 

"By who?" 

"Everyone. Everyone that matters." 

__

This is it, Raph... There's no turning back now... You're going to show-all and she's gonna rip you apart... 

Shut the hell up! I screamed at myself, surrendering to her touch. Her fingers ran over my arms, tracing along the bands at my elbows and wrists. So gentle... A woman's touch. 

"I ignored him..." I choked. "While he got sick. While he died. I never even said good-bye." 

Kat didn't answer. He hand massaged gently at the sore muscles in my unhurt arm. I breathed deep, choking on the pain that flooded through me. "I knew he was dying... and I avoided him. I didn't want to hear it. And before I... could accept it..." I closed my eyes and stared into the blackness. "... he was gone." 

She breathed on my neck, running her hand up my arm. "So you feel like it's _you _who's forsaken _him_," she whispered. 

"Yes," I admitted, totally honest with myself for the first time in months. "He was... the only one who ever came close to understanding me. And he didn't necessarily... approve. But he was still there. He'd just... He'd tell me, and he'd warn me, and then he'd be there for me when everything went wrong. Never said 'I told you so.' And I always knew that no matter what it was, I could trust him." 

"You trusted him," she repeated. 

I considered the words. "Yes. I _did _trust him. He was the only one..." 

She gave me a moment to finish the sentence, but I couldn't. "Is that why you feel you can't trust anyone now?" she finally asked. 

"No," I answered automatically. I sighed as I considered the truth. "He's not the only one who ever _had _my trust, he's just the only one who never betrayed it." 

"I see," she whispered. 

I couldn't believe how good it felt to get this off my chest. It had been eating me alive for so long, I wasn't sure how to deal with the release. "And all the time he was sick..." I confessed. "I spent it at the bar. He asked to see me... and I refused." 

My heart wretched in my chest at the memory of the fight. Leo had actually come to find me. He'd searched the bars until he found the one I was in. The argument was brief, but forceful. I didn't remember what was said, but I remembered knocking over tables, weapons flashing, and the scramble to get out of the bar to the alley before we killed someone other than each other. It was the final blow in an already tense relationship with my brother. We'd never been the same since. 

She sighed as she shifted, pulling her face away from my neck. She wrapped both arms around my neck and, leaned over the back of the couch to rest her head sideways on top of mine. There was a long silence. "I'm sorry," she finally whispered. 

I breathed deep, taking in the faint scent of her shampoo. "I just wish there were some way I could do it differently," I sighed. 

"I know." 

****

MADONNA: 

I approached the room where he was held and listened hard. There was no sign of danger, no one nearby. I stepped through the door and saw him immediately. He was asleep, pain written on his face. I approached him slowly, my eyes momentarily falling on his brother. He, too, was asleep, hanging from his chains. 

I came closer to Leonardo and saw dried blood on his chin. I cringed. Oh, god, I didn't want to see him hurt. I touched the side of his face gently and his eyes fluttered open. "Madonna," he choked. 

I forced a smile. We both knew there was nothing to smile about. I ran my fingers over his neck, feeling the thick cords of muscle tense under my touch. "I'm so sorry, Leo," I whispered. 

"You shouldn't be here," he sighed. He sounded exhausted. "You're going to get caught." 

"Caught," I repeated. The word tasted bitter. "I don't care if I'm caught." 

"He'll kill you," he choked. 

"I don't care," I breathed, squeezing my eyes closed to block out the tears. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

We stayed still for a long time. It was at least five minutes before she finally moved. She walked around the couch and sat next to me, curling her legs on the couch next to her. "I didn't know Splinter," she whispered as she nuzzled me gently. I took the hint and wrapped my arm around her, pulling her closer. "But I don't think he'd hold _anything _against you. And if he was here today, I know he'd forgive you." 

The words were an indescribable comfort. I knew she was right. I'd known it for months, ever since he died. But to hear it come from someone else, even if it wasn't Leo, gave me the release that I craved. Leo. God, where was he? I breathed deep again and felt her press in close. Her cool, damp hair felt good on my skin. 

I had to find my brothers. Who knew what kind of danger they were in, or if they were even alive. God, I prayed they were alive. I ran through the list of places they could be for the millionth time, and came up with nothing new. 

"I'm worried," I confessed. 

"About your brothers?" 

"Yes." 

There was another moment of silence as I considered the thought of never seeing my brothers alive again. "You know what my last words to Leonardo were?" I whispered, cringing at the thought. 

"What?" 

"I called him a bastard. Can you believe that?" 

She was silent. The words echoed in my ears. "You don't believe it now?" she finally whispered. 

I sighed. "I don't really think I believed it then. I was just... angry." 

"You lied to me." 

The words came out of the blue, and stopped my train of thought dead in its tracks. "What?" I asked. 

"I said you lied to me," she repeated, not moving. She wasn't angry about it, whatever she was referring to. When had I lied to her? Normally, I'd say nothing before I'd lie. And there had been plenty of times I had reverted to silence. But offhand, I couldn't remember lying to her. 

"About what?" I questioned after wracking my brain for a clue. 

"You said you were never in love." 

Oh. That. How did she come up with that from talking about Leo? 

"Why do you think I lied?" 

"Because when the emotions died down and you had time to think about it, now you say you were wrong about Leo." 

I considered that for a moment, not completely following her train of thought. "Sort of," I mumbled in reply. "But what does that have to do with my love life?" 

"What do you mean, sort of?" 

"I asked first." 

"I need your answer to make mine." 

I let that sink in for a few seconds. "Leo wasn't wrong to fall in love with her," I explained. "And it wasn't wrong for him to not tell me about it. But the fact that he first slept with her a day after Splinter died..." 

"Mmm," she acknowledged. "Well, what if I told you that disrespect was the furthest thing from his mind?" 

"I'd agree with you," I answered. "He'd never disrespect his _sensei _intentionally. But he didn't think." 

She laughed quietly. "And that's the heart of it, isn't it?" she questioned, snuggling closer to me. "You saw your own weakness in your brother." 

Her words hit me like a ton of bricks. I closed my eyes as the dust settled. "Geez, Kat, what do you want from me?" I whispered, overwhelmed by the sudden grief. She was right, and that hurt. 

She pulled away and looked at me. "I just want you to understand, Raphael," she smiled, easing the tension. She ran her fingers over the side of my face. "Understanding yourself may help you to understand Leonardo." 

"Now you sound like him," I grinned back. 

She pressed into me again. "And in answer to your question," she mumbled, "the fact that you realized what he was _not _wrong about leads me to believe that you know something about love. What it is, and what it is not." 

I thought about that for a moment. There were problems with her theory, but I decided not to pursue them. I had no desire to engage in a deep, theological discussion on the aspect of love. I was content to just let it go. 

****

LEONARDO: 

I was so sore, I wasn't sure I'd ever be able to move again. I saw pain in her tear-brimmed eyes and longed to reach out and touch her, in spite of myself. She'd betrayed me. She'd betrayed all of us. And she would see me killed sooner than she would defy Shredder. That wasn't love. She had not loved me, when she laid in my arms and thought of how she was going to deliver me into my enemy's hand. But in spite of all that, in spite of the pain that it spawned, I couldn't deny that I still felt love for her. 

She hung her head, her hand still resting on my shoulder. "How did it happen, Madonna?" I whispered as she ran her hand over me, her gentle touch only magnifying the pain I felt, inside and out. 

"What do you mean?" 

"Did you play me from the start?" 

"Oh, no, Leo!" she protested. "You can't believe that!" 

"How then?" 

Her hand fell from me and she turned away. "I knew it would happen. It was a stolen time, a stolen season. It had to come to an end sometime." 

"Stolen," I repeated. 

"I could never have this kind of happiness. Not with you or anyone else." 

"Why?" 

She shook her head. "I can never be free of him, Leo. There's nothing I could ever do to get away." 

"You love him?" 

"Love has _nothing _to do with it." 

I remembered the way his hands had run over her body. She'd let him, submitting quietly. "Well with the way he touches you, I would think..." 

"He touches me because he _can_," she interrupted. "And because he knows he can. It has nothing to do with love, it never did." 

"What, then? Why are you with him? Why did you ever get involved with him?" 

"I'm not _with _him, Leo. I'm owned by him. And he does with me what he pleases." 

"Why?" I demanded. "Why are you owned by him?" 

She looked up at me, a pained look on her face. "Do you believe in fate, Leonardo?" 

"To a point." 

"To what point?" 

"Not to the point where you would be joined in marriage to someone you hate. If he takes you..." 

"Marriage," she half-laughed, interrupting me. 

"It _is _a marriage," I shot at her. "Of souls. And what you did with me... that's called adultery." 

"Adultery against who?" she questioned, her eyes meeting mine again. "Am I joined to the man I love or the man I have to obey?" The look of pain silenced me. 

****

KATARINA: 

He ran his fingers over my wet hair and his chest rose and fell as he breathed deep. I trailed my fingers down the front of his body, stopping at his belt. Did he always sleep with his weapons around his waist? I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to that question, or the reason behind it. 

"What was her name?" I asked. 

He knew what I was talking about. But he hesitated for a long, tense moment. "It was more than once," he finally answered. 

"The last time, then," I pressed. 

"Amanda," he whispered. "She and I..." His voice came staggered as he tried to explain things he probably didn't understand. "She had a child... an abortion. I didn't even know until..." The sentences didn't make sense, but I still knew what he was saying. 

"I'm sorry," I whispered, reaching beyond my peripheral vision and running my hand along the side of his face. 

"Her father was a scientist," he explained. "And he heard about us... somehow. She used me to..." I could hear the pain in his voice. "... to get her pregnant... so she could give her father the fetus to study. Then she committed suicide. She told me right... before she did it. Before she jumped." 

"Oh god..." I breathed, trailing my hand down his arm. No _wonder _why he was bitter. 

"She never loved me," he sighed. "It wasn't like she was even sorry." 

There was another long silence. I wasn't sure what to say, so I said nothing. "I don't think I really lied to you, Kat," he mumbled. "I've never really known love. I've been searching... for something... I guess it's love..." 

I closed my eyes and traced the lines of his muscles, letting my imagination paint an image of him in my mind. "I've seen the bottom of every beer can... shot glass..." he sighed. "Been in and out of beds with women I never really knew... and I've never found..." 

His voice trailed off. Love wasn't the word. "Peace?" I offered. 

A sharp intake of breath let me know that I had hit the target with perfect accuracy. I massaged his shoulder gently. He didn't move. "I should have been happy for him," he breathed. "That he found it... But I guess I felt like he betrayed us in the mean time. And now..." 

I traced the edge of the band around his elbow, brushing my fingers over his skin. "He didn't betray you Raphael," I mumbled. "He wouldn't. You should hear the way he talks about you." He didn't answer. "He admires you. And at the same time, he feels responsible... for every mistake you make. Like he's failed you in some way... caused you to make those mistakes." 

Silence. He was so still that for a moment, I thought he was asleep. "Why?" he finally asked. "He's not that much older than me, Kat. It's not like he has to play the part of my father." 

"If he doesn't, who will?" 

He sighed. I felt his body move as he took in a deep breath. "My father died," he reminded me. "Parents leave their children, it's the way life works. Everyone will go through it someday, and they survive." 

I pulled away and looked at him. "That's a very cynical way of looking at life." 

He nodded solemnly. "I know. But it's true." He looked away. "And if Leonardo's dead..." 

I reached up and turned his face back to me. "He's not dead, Raphael," I assured him. "He's alive, I promise" 

He smiled, but he couldn't hide the sadness. "How can you promise something like that, Katarina?" 

I sighed as I considered his words. "I can't," I resigned, dropping my hand and turning my eyes away from him. 

****

LEONARDO: 

"The fact that you left a bed you share with him to come and talk to me... that's not fate," I mumbled. "That has nothing to do with fate. If you're with him against your will, that's called weakness. Your weakness prevents you from making a stand against him." 

"A stand against him," she repeated, exasperated. "Against Shredder? And my father? Who the _hell _do you think you're kidding, Leo?" 

"What does your father have to do with it?" 

She hesitated and looked away. "It's my father's will that we're together. Would you have me defy him?" 

The question created a new dilemma. One I had never thought of. "Your father and your husband," I whispered, pondering the thought. 

The look in her eyes was cynical. "You have no idea..." she mumbled. 

"About what?" 

"About what you're saying. It's so much more than you could know. So much deeper. More wrong. And yet I can't dishonor him." 

"You can't bring dishonor to someone who never had honor to begin with." 

She looked away. And said nothing. 

"Tell me about your father." 

She kept her eyes to the floor. "Why?" 

"You asked me if I would tell you to defy him. I can't answer until I know something about him." 

She sighed. "What do you want to know?" 

"What does he have to do with your relationship with Shredder?" 

Her eyes filled with tears. "You wouldn't understand." 

"Try me." 

She sighed. "I never had a choice in the matter, Leo." 

"Your father arranged it?" 

"I was too young to even think of protesting," she continued. I realized she was avoiding the question, but her words struck me. 

"How young?" 

"Three? Thirteen? Which time, Leo?" I stared at her in shock. "You call sex marriage, but do you really know what you're saying?" 

For a moment, I wasn't sure what to say. "You never told me..." 

"What?" she interrupted, anger choking her voice. "That I was molested? That I've been used for sex since before I can remember? You never _asked_, Leo." 

I knew I was gaping at her, but I couldn't help it. Tears spilled from her eyes as she turned away, clutching her arms across her chest tightly. Suddenly, every explanation I wanted from her seemed trivial. 

****

KATARINA: 

I don't know how it happened. I didn't mean for it to happen. But somehow, I still ended up in his arms. We swayed back and forth to the gentle music coming from the spare room where I slept. I'd turned it on to help me sleep, but right now, sleep was the furthest thing from my mind. I draped my arms around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder as his hands circled my waist. In a little over two weeks, I had fallen in love. 

I didn't want to love him. Oh, _God_, I didn't want to love him! I knew how painful it would be. But I couldn't help it. My fascination with his psychology had led to more than it was supposed to. Now I found myself wrapped in his arms, rocking back and forth to sad love songs. 

__

It's been a while since I could stand on my own two feet again... 

"Raphael?" 

He took a moment to answer. "Yeah?" 

"I don't think I ever got the chance to say I was sorry." 

Another moment of stillness. _It's been a while since I've gone and fucked things up, just like I always do... _"For what?" 

"For how I treated you. When you came to see me. I actually came down here looking for you, and when I couldn't find you, I figured I'd invite your brothers back to my apartment. And on the way there... that's when all hell broke loose. But I'm sorry." 

We rocked back and forth gently. "So let me get this straight," he finally whispered. "You came to apologize to me wearing a tight leather skirt and jacket, with practically nothing underneath it?" 

I laughed quietly. "Yes, I did." 

"That's one hell of an apology, Kat," he chuckled. 

"Is that good or bad?" I smiled. 

"Well, let's just say I'm sorry I had to go and screw it up." 

I smiled. He pulled me closer and I pressed hard to his chest as he buried his fingers in my hair. "I forgive you," he whispered. 

I closed my eyes, savoring the gentle touch. The better it felt, the worse it would hurt when it was over. I knew it, and still I could do nothing to stop the feeling that was growing inside of me. 

****

MADONNA: 

"I separated myself from him years ago," I tried to explain, choking on my own voice. "I didn't want to be owned by him anymore. He never came after me. We didn't speak for months. But then, he wanted to see me." 

"Your family business," he realized. The shock was slowly wearing off. "Just this past week." 

"Yes," I admitted. 

"Did he already know?" he asked. "About us? Is that why he called you?" 

I nodded slowly. "I knew I could only hide for so long," I whispered. "It was a decision I made... that night. When I said yes." 

Memories flashed in my mind, even though I didn't want them to. I knew I could never be rid of them, and I didn't really want to try. I could never forget that night. He was so gentle, whispering his love over and over again as we lost ourselves in the throes of passion. He'd made love to me, cradled me in his arms, whispered my name, touched me like no one ever had... 

I shook away the dream and forced my mind back to the present. He hung from the fence, a few feet away, hiding his pain. I gasped at the pain the contrast allowed and looked away, my heart breaking. "I'm so sorry, Leo," I whispered. "I should have told you then. I should have told you right at the beginning. But I knew..." 

"You didn't know, Madonna, you assumed," he corrected. 

Our eyes met again. "You never would've allowed yourself to..." 

"To what?" he cut me off. "To fall in love with you? Madonna, I never _allowed _that in the first place. I never _asked _for it to happen." 

I sighed. "Don't lie to yourself, Leo. You were always in control." 

His eyes fell. "You're wrong, Madonna," he whispered. "You're so wrong." He looked back up at me. "When I looked into your eyes, I was not in control. Had I been in control, I _never _would've trusted you." 

"And rightly so, it seems." 

He stared at me. For a long time, we said nothing. Hesitantly, I stepped forward and ran my hand down the front of his body. "I'm so sorry." 

"Do you love him Madonna?" he whispered. 

"No, Leo, I never loved him." 

"Never?" he challenged. 

"I thought I did," I admitted. "I was young, Leo. And overwhelmed. You have no idea what I've been through." 

"No," he agreed. "I don't." 

I looked up and met his eyes. "Love was never a part of it." He said nothing. His dark eyes pleaded with me. I touched the side of his face gently and he rested his head in my palm, closing his eyes. "I love you," I whispered, feeling pain sear through me as I realized how true the words really were. 

He didn't answer. I wanted to kiss him, but I was afraid. Afraid of what he'd say... what he'd do. He breathed deep and cringed at the pain. 

"Why, Madonna?" he begged, his eyes still closed. 

Tears stung my eyes. "I had to," I choked. "There's nothing I can do, Leo..." 

I stepped closer to him, a sudden burst of courage guiding my lips to his. He welcomed me, and our tongues mingled as tears ran into the deep, longing kiss. The saline burned our lips as I slipped my arms around his neck. My heart wretched in my chest as I longed for his arms around me. "If you can do nothing," he whispered, still kissing me, "you should leave." 

I breathed deep as I pulled away. He opened his eyes slowly and looked at me. "Because this is not going to make it any easier on you when he kills me." 

"No," I gasped, tears streaming down my face. "No, he won't kill you." 

"Don't fool yourself, Madonna, you know he will." 

I shook my head, trying to get my emotions under control. I smeared the salt tears with the back of my hand and crossed my arms over my chest. "No," I sniffed. "He made a deal with some guy in Houston. I don't know all the details, but he's... basically he's selling you to him." 

"Oh," he mumbled. For the first time in the months that I'd known him, his voice dripped with sarcasm. "Great. That makes me feel much better." 

"If he wanted you dead, Leonardo, he would've killed you already. Why take the risk of you escaping between here and there? There's a reason they're keeping you alive." 

He sighed. "Madonna, please. He's _selling _us? For what, do you think? If we're not dead by the time we get there, we'll be dead shortly thereafter." 

I hung my head. No. He was wrong. He _had _to be wrong... 

****

KATARINA: 

__

And everything I can't remember... 

"Katarina?" he whispered. 

"Yes?" 

He was quiet for a moment. "I love you," he finally confessed. 

I felt fear flood through me. He was breaking down the last wall I had to stand behind. _The consequences that I've rendered..._

I couldn't answer him. There was nothing I could say. I rocked back and forth, locked in his embrace. He ran his hands up and down my back, slow and gentle. "Raphael?" 

"Yeah?" 

"You remember what you said to Mike before? About it being just dancing?" 

"Yeah." 

"Is it?" 

He took a moment to answer. _It's been a while since I could look at myself straight... _I felt him hold me to him tightly and thought I might die. "It's whatever you want it to be, Katarina." 

Another long silence. I clung to him... and felt the wall collapse. _It's been a while, but I can still remember just the way you taste.._. 

"Raph?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I'm offering." P**LEONARDO:**

"_Ai shiteru_," I whispered as she closed her eyes and cried silently. 

She looked up and brushed her tears away. "Huh?" 

"I said I love you," I repeated. "I still do. And you don't have to do this." 

She looked away. "I do." Her eyes met mine again. "Believe me, Leo, I would give anything... But it's too late." 

"{It's never too late to so what's right,}" I whispered, again in Japanese. 

She stared at me, a blank expression on her face. "What did you say?" 

I repeated the words, in English. She studied me carefully. "Is that Japanese?" 

I was shocked. For a long time, I just stared at her. "Yes," I finally choked. "Don't you...?" 

She shook her head. "I don't speak much Japanese." 

A million thoughts hit me all at once. The letter, signed Kiara. _"It's in Japanese..." "What's it say, Leo?" _It told us where to find Katarina. Katarina... _"My dad didn't know what to do with me. As soon as I was old enough, he sent me to a boarding school in Japan." _Dark haired, dark eyed, Katarina... "Nihongo de nan to iimasu ka?" Donatello's voice, asking if she spoke the language... _"Hai," _she'd affirmed. Madonna's roommate... I hadn't even considered the allegiance. 

Raphael. 

I remembered them on the couch. High stress and low defenses... and Raph's impulsive nature. Suddenly, I knew what she'd done... and I knew where she was right now. 

"Oh god." 

****

RAPHAEL: 

Leaving the bedroom door open, I pressed her to the wall next to it, capturing her mouth in a heated kiss. Suddenly, she began to cry. I pulled away and studied her, concerned. "Kat?" 

She closed her eyes and leaned her head back against the wall. She said nothing. I watched her closely. "Kat, what's wrong?" I asked. "Why're you crying?" 

She jerked away from me. "I can't do this." 

I stepped back, shocked, as she walked out of the room. That woman had the most _confusing _mood swings! I followed her. She was heading for the exit. "Kat! Hey, wait a minute!" 

I stepped in front of her. She kept her eyes down. "Katarina, what's the matter with you?" 

Something was _obviously_ wrong. She stared at the floor for a minute and I took hold of her shoulders. "Look, Kat, if you don't want to, that's fine. You don't have to leave. Just tell me no and I'll stop." 

She looked up slowly, and our eyes met. I was shocked by the pain in her eyes. "Why?" she whispered. 

"Why what?" I asked. "Why would I stop?" 

She nodded slightly. "Why stop when it's what you want?" 

"Because I love you Kat," I answered simply. This wasn't going well. The last thing I wanted was for her to leave me here alone. I looked to the couch. "Look, just forget about it. We can talk or watch a movie or something," I suggested. She didn't answer. Tears streamed down her face in steady streams. I raised a hand to her cheek. "Kat, please. Don't leave." 

She stared at me for a moment, then at the couch, then at the floor. "I can't do that, Raphael," she whispered. 

"Why?" I asked. "Why can't you talk to me? Tell me what's wrong!" 

She closed her eyes. "Because I love you," she choked. 

"Good," I answered. "This is good... So what's the problem." 

She breathed deep. "The problem..." She hesitated and wiped her eyes roughly. "I've betrayed you," she breathed, just barely forming the words. I stared at her, confused. "All of you. And I... I wish I could undo it. I wish I could just go back and do things differently. But I never meant to fall in love with you!" 

I cupped her chin and turned her face to me, forcing her to meet my stare. She caught her breath as I studied her. "I don't understand," I admitted. 

She closed her eyes slowly. "God, I'm sorry Raph," she whispered. "I'm so sorry that you trust me?" 

I tensed. "Why?" I demanded, a little more harshly than I meant to. This was a confession. I could tell. And I didn't want to think about what she could possibly be confessing. 

She swallowed hard. "My name isn't Katarina," she told me. "Not my real name. Katarina is the name I go by around people who don't know my family." I stared at her, muscles tensing at every word. "But you _do _know my family, so I know I won't have to explain. My name... my real name... is Oroku Kiara ." 


	15. The Truth

The Truth ****

MADONNA: 

"You're not Kiara," he whispered, shock written clearly on his face. 

I smiled faintly. "I never said I was," I reminded him. 

"Kat." 

I sighed and looked away. "Oroku Kiara Katarina," I sighed. "Our mother gave her the name 'Katarina'. That's probably why she chooses to use it now. Only her father calls her Kiara." 

"_Our _mother?" he choked. 

"She is my half sister," I mumbled. I chuckled cynically at the irony. "And my step-daughter, too. Sick, isn't it? Especially since she's a year older than me." 

He stared, speechless. "How...?" 

"My mother and Oroku Saki dated. She was living in Japan with her business exec, American father, and he threw her out when Kat was conceived. Saki took care of her for a while, before he fell in love with a woman named Tang Shin. My mother began seeing his closest friend, and I was born. The friendship between our fathers was strong enough that when Saki came to America, in pursuit of Tang Shin, my family came with him. During the time that I was growing up, I became acquainted with Saki. And he took an interest in me. When I became of age, long after my mother died, he and I were married. My father was the one to oversee it." 

"Oh my god," he whispered. 

I sighed. "So now you know. The truth about me. About what I am." I looked back at him. "And about Katarina." 

He was still shocked into silence. "Katarina," he managed to choke. "She..." 

I heard a noise and spun around. There was no one in the room, but I heard voices. Panic crept over me. I knew I couldn't be caught here. "I have to go," I whispered, regretting the words. 

"Wait!" Leo cried, reflexively. "I..." 

"I'm sorry," I gasped. I gave one last look at him before I hurried from the room, leaving so much unsaid. 

****

RAPHAEL: 

I stared at her, not comprehending her words. She'd lied about her name? Why? 

"And my father sent me here to kill you," she whispered, turning her head. "I wasn't supposed to fall in love with you." 

Suddenly, it hit me. Oruku Kiara. Oruku Saki. Oh god. Every muscle in my body tensed all at once and I pulled away from her slowly. "Holy crap," I whispered, more to myself than to her. "You have _got _to be kidding me." I avoided my gaze, staring down at the floor. I felt the air squeezed from my lungs. "_Tell _me you're kidding me!" 

She said nothing. A million thoughts flowed through my mind. Shredder's daughter, sent to kill me. I stared at her in disbelief. I should've seen it. I'd suspected a trap. When did I stop suspecting her? The talks, the touching, the moments of silence. Somewhere along the line, I'd let down my guard. 

Suddenly, I felt anger flood through me. Not for my own sake, but for my brothers'. I knew she'd used me, but that was the least of my pain at the moment. I spun away from her. Mike. 

"He's not here," she choked, reading my thoughts. 

I turned and stared at her. Not here? My god, she was killing us off one by one! Fire raged in my chest as I returned her and grabbed her wrists, gripping her hard. She gasped as her back hit the wall. 

"Where is he?" I demanded. "Is he alive?" 

"Yes," she whispered. 

I wanted to hit her. I wanted _so _badly to slap her. "You set us up! Set us all up! Played us like it was some game to you!" 

"Yes," she admitted, turning her head again. 

"And you handed them over to him! When they _trusted _you!" 

Tears streamed from her eyes. She cringed. "Raphael, you're hurting me." 

__

Hurting her? I wanted to _kill _her! "And then you... Oh my God," I whispered, the anger giving way to desperation. 

I backed away from her, letting go of her wrists as I retreated and buried my face in my hands. Instinct told me to raise my guard, to not take my eyes off her. Shredder's daughter. Oruku Kiara. But if she'd wanted to kill me, she would've already done it. She was harmless now, with her secret exposed. 

"Why?" I pleaded. 

"I'm sorry," she whispered faintly. 

The anger and sadness mingled inside of me, leaving me in a whirlwind of emotion like I'd never felt before. I couldn't tell where one feeling stopped and another began. I ran from the room as quickly as I could. Behind me, I heard her crying. 

****

APRIL: 

I heard knocking on my door and opened my eyes slowly. The glowing green numbers on my alarm clock told me that it was two thirty in the morning. The knocking came again and I sat up. I could think of five people it could be. One was Casey, but he had a key. The other possibilities wouldn't be here unless something was wrong. 

I swung my legs over the side of the bed and grabbed my robe. "I'm coming," I called. The knocking stopped. I tied the robe and unlocked the deadbolt. Then I cracked the door and peeked out. Raphael stood just outside of my apartment, hidden in a hat and trenchcoat. He looked up and our eyes locked. Pain was etched in his face. I opened the door wider and let him in. 

"Are you okay?" I asked, shutting the door behind him. He was dripping wet and I realized it must be raining outside. It rained constantly, lately. 

He was shivering. "Can I get you anything? Coffee? Tea?" 

"Beer," he answered. 

I studied him carefully. "Are you sure? You look like something hot might be..." 

"Beer, April," he interrupted. "Please." 

"I don't have beer." 

"Something alcoholic, then. I don't care. Whatever you have." 

I walked to the fridge and looked inside. I wasn't big on alcohol, and I wasn't sure I had anything to offer. I closed the door and turned to him. He was sitting on the couch, his back to me. "I have wine. That's all I've got." 

He waved over his shoulder and I turned back, pulling the half-empty bottle of wine out of the fridge. I found a glass and poured the rose-tinted liquid. I grabbed a towel out of the closet before I returned and handed both to him. Under the jacket, he wasn't really wet; but he dried his face and set the towel next to him before taking the wine glass. "Thanks," he whispered. 

I sat down next to him on the couch, curling my leg underneath me. "So what happened?" I asked. "Don't tell me Leo kicked you out for good this time." 

I smiled, but he turned and shot me a pathetic look. Not exactly the response I was hoping for. I leaned against the back of the couch. He said nothing. "Okay, so spill it. I mean, it's not every night you come _here _with your problems." 

"The bars close at two," he mumbled. 

I studied him for a moment. "Well, no offense, but aren't you usually smashed enough by that time to go back home?" 

He sipped the wine and laughed cynically, under his breath. He hadn't been at the bar. He didn't smell like alcohol, and he wasn't drunk. I decided not to press the issue. Something was terribly wrong for him to show up here. Raph wasn't one to come to me to talk about his problems. "Okay, let me put it this way: Why did you come here instead of going home?" 

He leaned forward and buried his face in his hand, balancing the glass between his fingers. "April..." he started hesitantly. "Katarina..." 

I stared at him, immediately concerned. "Is she okay?" I asked nervously. 

He looked up and his eyes met mine. "She's Shredder's _daughter_, April," he whispered. The look in his eyes told me he was completely serious. I stared at him, shocked. "And I'm in love with her." 

****

KATARINA: 

I stood at the counter, separating scripts. The clock on the wall read 4:00. In a way, I was glad when my cell phone rang, asking me to come in and help with the morning show. It forced me out of the lair, away from lonely rooms he'd left me in. Here, my mind was blank. I was glad this part of the job took no concentration. 

I closed my eyes as I tossed the papers in their appropriate piles. Somebody approached me from the side and I opened my eyes to see April O'Neil leaning against the counter. I would've been surprised to see her, but that took too much effort. "You don't look so hot," she told me. 

"Neither do you," I pointed out. She was wearing jeans and an oversized sweatshirt. Her wet hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail at the base of her neck. She wore no makeup and had dark rings under her eyes. I had never seen her like that. She always had to look professional, since she was an on-air personality. 

"It's the middle of the night for me," she reminded me. "What's your excuse?" 

I turned my attention back to the scripts for a moment. "What are you doing here?" I finally questioned. "You get called in to anchor the morning show or something?" 

"No, actually, I'm doing a friend a favor." 

I nodded slowly. "Emory forget to cut a package again?" 

She didn't answer for a few minutes. I continued to toss the papers where they belonged. April watched me, her arms crossed over her chest. "There's someone in editing who wants to talk to you," she informed me. 

I froze and glanced up. "Raphael?" I questioned quietly. 

She nodded slightly. "Bay four. I'll finish up here if you want to go talk to him." 

I glanced over my shoulder at the newsroom. They couldn't care less who did the scripts as long as they got done. Nobody would ask questions. But I wasn't sure if I _did _want to talk to Raphael. 

"Is he angry?" I asked. 

"No," she assured me. "I don't think he ever really was. Not angry, just... frustrated." 

I glanced at her. She hadn't seen the fire in his eyes like I had. "Did he tell you?" I asked. 

"Why he was upset?" she questioned. I nodded. "He told me... enough." 

I looked away again, still tossing the papers into piles. "I think you should go talk to him," she mumbled. "If for no other reason than because you kind of owe him." 

I stopped, setting the stack of papers on the table. I rested my hands on them for a moment, trying to gather my nerve. "I'm not sure I can," I whispered. 

I felt her hand on my shoulder. "Look at it this way, Kat," she sighed. "If he didn't _really _want to talk to you, do you really think he could've hauled my ass out of bed and across the city to come _find _you?" 

I glanced up at her. Concern was written all over her face. She smiled faintly as she pushed my hands aside and took over the scripts. I stepped back as she began separating them. Finally, I turned and left the room. 

The door to the edit bay was closed. I opened it slowly and saw Raphael leaning against the cabinet of VTR decks. I stepped into the room and closed the door behind me. The bare lightbulb hanging from the ceiling illuminated the room. No, he wasn't angry. The look on his face was tired, sad. I looked away and heard him take a deep breath. 

"Are they alive?" 

I hesitated, not sure of my voice. There was a long silence. "Just tell me, Kat," he sighed. "And tell me the truth. I can handle it, okay?" 

I nodded silently, unable to speak. They were alive. I knew that for a fact. 

"I just want to know why," Raphael mumbled after another long break. "Why did you tell me? And why now?" He was quiet. I waited for him to explain. I had been expecting him to ask why I _didn't _tell him, not why I _did_. "If you were going to say something, you could've at least had a little mercy on me and done it before I fell for you!" I cringed, looking away. "And if you really wanted to use me like that, couldn't you at least have given me a few days to... I don't know... enjoy it? Before you slapped me in the face?" 

I leaned back against the closed door, crossing my arms over my chest. "I didn't tell you a few days ago because up until last night, I had no intention of telling you," I answered honestly. "I just..." 

"So what, what was the plan?" he snapped, cutting me off. "Sleep with me and then slit my throat?" 

I felt as if he'd just run me through. I cringed at the anger in his voice. He didn't know how close to being right he was, and that fact alone made me feel sick. "I mean, you'll have to forgive me here, but I'd like to know just how badly I've been used," he continued. The anger was mingled with pain. I felt tears sting the backs of my eyes. 

"It wasn't supposed to hapen like it did," I choked. I forced myself to look at him. "I just never expected..." My voice trailed off as I searched for words to put to the confusion I felt inside. "You've got to understand, Raphael," I finally whispered. "I've never loved anyone like that before. I didn't know how... powerful it was." I stared into his eyes, feeling the pain hidden there. "I knew what was happening, but I never expected it to be so..." 

I struggled for a way to explain. My whole life, I'd been lectured about women's weaknesses. And I had made a vow, to never let it rule me. But Raphael had been at the right place, at the right time. And I'd fallen in love with him. I just hadn't realized how _deeply _in love. And I'd never expected to find that he felt anything more for me than purely sexual attraction. When I realized that it was more... 

"Raph, I... I just didn't realize..." I stammered. "I never expected to find that you loved me too." 

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he cried, throwing his hands up. I was glad the editors were on their break or they would've heard him. "It took you _that _long to figure out that I loved you?" 

I looked away, unable to continue watching him. "You could've stopped me at any time, Kat, why did you wait until...?" 

His voice was cracking. I swallowed hard, tears stinging my eyes again. "I tried to stop you," I whispered. "And I tried to stop myself." I looked up at him again. "I told you, Raph. I told you to stop, that I didn't want to fall in love with you." 

"You never told me you were planning to kill me!" he shot at me. 

"No, Raph, I didn't. Because if I had, I wouldn't have been able to." 

He turned away and leaned against the wall behind him. "Even..." I started, choking on my own voice. "Even when we were dancing... and when I realized what was happening... I thought you were just using me. It wasn't until you kissed me when I..." 

"Why?" he demanded, turning back to me. "Why would you think that?" 

"I've been used my whole life, Raphael," I told him, the tears overflowing. "Used and manipulated into doing things I didn't want to do. You weren't supposed to be any different, but you were." 

"And you used me," he accused. 

"Yes, Raph," I confessed. "I used you from the start. But I expected you to use me, too. And when I realized you weren't, I had to tell you." I looked up at him. Pain was etched in his features. "Because I had to make a choice, and I couldn't kill you." 

He stared down at the floor beneath his feet. There was a long silence. Finally, he looked back up at me. "You know where they are." 

I knew exactly what he was talking about, and it wasn't a question. I looked away. "Do you realize what you're asking me to do?" I whispered. 

"What? Betray Shredder? Yeah, I realize that." 

"He's my father, Raphael," I defended. 

"And what the hell am I?" he yelled. 

I looked away, wishing I could melt into the floor. I owed it to him, but I also knew what it would mean. Betraying my father was a suicide attempt. I was already trying his patience. Even if he didn't kill me, he would at the very least disown me. I had no one else. "I don't know what you are," I whispered. 

"Well, maybe I can fill in the blank," he snapped. "I'm that guy that you used and screwed over with every intent to kill him. And you have my brothers locked up somewhere _if _they're alive like you say they are. If you're not gonna tell me where they're at then you might as well have killed me last night!" 

I couldn't take any more. I spun and threw the door open. He reached me in a flash and slammed it closed again. Acting on instinct, I grabbed his wrist and twisted it, spinning to kick him across the small room. He hadn't been expecting it and he crashed to the floor. I gave one last look at his confused face and sprinted from the room. 


	16. Death & Dishonor Part 1

**Death and Dishonor Part 1**

**KATARINA:**

I had nowhere to go. My apartment was in shambles, and I dared not go back to the underground lair. I considered April, but quickly decided against it. She was their friend, foremost. I wasn't going to put her in the middle of this. So I did the only thing I could do. I got on a plane. 

It was only a forty minute flight, but I chose that over the two and a half hour drive. My father didn't care how I spent his money; he never had. So I got on the plane and went home. Home. I hated to think of my father's "empire" as home. A piece of property out in the middle of nowhere, bought with blood-money and cultivated by his troops. The government knew it was there, but they had no reason to be interested in it. Nobody else knew it existed. It had taken five years for him to establish his village. Now it swarmed with ninjas who paid him tribute and fought his battles. I hated it. 

I took a cab from the airport to the lone house that was our contact point. There, I left the driver with a handful of cash and a wave, and walked around the abandoned home. It was three miles to my destination, along a well-hidden, but worn path through the woods. 

Raphael would never find them. And it was only a matter of time before they found him, with or withhout my help. He couldn't possibly overpower my father's anger. My father would go himself if he had to. Raphael didn't stand a chance against him on his own, especially not while he was hurt. He'd fight, though. He'd fight to the death. 

I breathed deep, taking in the damp air. They wouldn't kill him. My father wanted all of them alive, to ship them off to Houston. Blood money. Four million dollars worth of blood money. But I figured the cash had very little to do with it. My father would send them down there if he _wasn't _getting paid for it. He wanted them dead, and if he could get the satisfaction of knowing that they would be dissected afterwards, I had no doubt that he'd be all for it. If he had the opportunity to put them through that kind of humiliation, even posthumously, he would. 

I stared at the ground as it passed under my feet, and my thoughts drifted to Raphael. Tears stung my eyes. It was like a dream, with him. Like the world had stopped, leaving us in it. He'd allowed me to forget who, and _what _I was, for the first time in my life. _Stop it, Kiara, _I chastised myself. _You're only the hundredth girl he's tried to get into bed. What makes you think he cares any more about you than any of them?_

Even hearing the words resonate in my mind, I knew they were wrong. If he didn't care, he would be furious. He would have thrown me out of his house; he wouldn't speak to me again except to demand that I tell him where his brothers were. But he hadn't. I remembered the look in his eyes as he stood in the edit bay at Channel Three. It was dangerous for him to be there. But he had to talk to me. _Why, dammit?_

It wasn't about his brothers. The first words out of his mouth: Are they alive? They were alive. And suddenly, that seemed to be the furthest thing from his mind. Why? And I stood there, trying to justify actions I didn't understand. It wasn't about duty, for me. I wasn't like Madonna. I _wanted _to kill them. Because I wanted to prove my father wrong. But he wasn't wrong. Every accusation he'd ever made, he was right. 

_No!_

I'd fallen in love with the enemy, and I couldn't control that. My emotions were out of control, and they influenced my actions. I couldn't stop. I loved him. 

_Dammit, stop this! _

My subconscience hated admitting this weakness. Frail, pitiful woman. Emotional and easily manipulated. I was. And there was nothing I could do about it, so I knew I might as well stop running from it. I had to embrace my weakness to find my strength. I took a deep breath, knowing what I had to do. I had to make a choice. But really, the decision had already been made. 

**MADONNA:**

"You did _what_?" I whispered. 

She turned to the window and ran her fingers through her hair. "I know, Madonna, I know," she sighed. 

I stared at her, shocked. "This from the girl who wants to prove her father wrong in everything he's ever..." 

"He's right, okay?" she shot at me, spinning around to face me. "I'm weak, I'm emotional, and I can't control this." 

I shook my head slowly, in disbelief. She turned back to the window and raised her arm against the frame, resting her head. There was a moment of silence. "I need you to help me," she whispered. 

"To do what?" I choked. 

"I need you to distract my father." 

Shock. That was all I felt. "Distract...? Kat, you _can't _be serious!" 

She turned to me, pain streaking her face. "Madonna, please." 

"You can't dishonor your father like that! For one thing, he'll kill you!" 

"I don't care, okay?" she yelled. "I don't. Care! I don't care if he kills me! This is _wrong_! You can't tell me you don't know that!" 

"Kat, stop," I cut her off, a million thoughts running through my mind. I turned away from her. "I just need a minute to think." 

I needed more than a _minute _to think. I needed a _lifetime_! Never in a million years had I expected those words to come from Kiara. The woman who had spent countless conversations warning me about Leo, reminding me that when Shredder found out, it would be over, pounding it into my head that I could never be with him... this same woman had fallen in love with Leonardo's brother? Katarina did not _do _such things! She'd never had a boyfriend in her _life_! It was her vow, that she would prove her father wrong. That she could survive without a man. How had she ended up with her father's enemy? 

Surely she knew what she was proposing. She was not only failing her father, she was prepared to deliberately disobey him. To dishonor him. I considered my own father, as he'd given his last words, forever joining me to a man I never loved. I considered the long talks with Leonardo. Death before dishonor. He understood my decision. But I could not understand Kiara's. 

My thoughts came to a screeching halt as they rested on Leonardo. I hated the thought of what might happen to him. But there was nothing I could do. I closed my eyes. "You would dishonor your father?" I whispered. "Betray him?" 

"Yes," Kat answered firmly. 

The word cut through me, sending a whole new wave of emotions over me. I fought frantically to sort through them. "And there's nothing I can do to convince you otherwise." It wasn't a question. I knew Katarina too well to think that there was anything I could say that would change her mind once it was made up. 

"No," she confirmed. 

I breathed deep, my eyes still closed. "Get out," I ordered. 

She hesitated. "Madonna..." 

"I said get out," I shot at her, raising my eyes to hers. "I don't want to know what you're going to do," I informed her. "I don't want to know how." I studied her eyes and the desperate, pleading look hidden behind them. "Just do it." 

"You'll help me, then?" 

"Get out." 

She knew. She hugged my neck as she passed. "I love you, Madonna." 

I felt tears sting my eyes as I watched her go to her death _and _dishonor. 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

I awoke with a splitting headache, and moaned as the pain registered. "Mikey?" 

The familiar voice cut through the darkness. Donatello. He was alive. That was good, at least. I realized I was tied, my arms above my head. My wrists hurt like hell, my muscles were all sore. Pain centered around two thin lines of dried blood, on my arm and leg, and I remembered how I'd gotten here. Where was here, anyway? 

I opened my eyes. My vision was still blurred. I saw the fuzzy outlines of Donny and Leo, hanging like I was, and closed my eyes again. "Ow," I groaned. 

"You okay, bro?" Donny questioned. 

"I've been better," I admitted. I forced my eyes open a second time and looked around as my sight cleared. "Where are we?" 

"Your guess is as good as ours." 

"What happened?" Leo asked. "And where's Raphael?" 

I struggled to distinguish between memories and the dreams that had plagued my sleep. I pictured the face of my attacker, the one who'd brought me here, and I moaned. "Kat," I breathed. 

"Yeah, we know," Donny mumbled. 

I coughed weakly, still not feeling fully conscious, and briefly explained how I'd ended up here. "Raphael," Leonardo reminded me. 

"I dunno," I admitted. "He was asleep on the couch the last time I saw him." 

There was a moment of silence. "If they had him, he'd be here," Donny tried to justify. 

The soft brush of padded footsteps on the cement floor caught our attention. A dark haired woman in black jeans and a T-shirt, stepped into the room. Instantly, I felt my blood boil. "You!" I glared. There was nothing for me to say, but I wanted to rip her apart. 

She glanced at me, and then at my brothers. Her face was absent of emotion. I had no idea what she was thinking, but I could guess. "Is he alive, Kiara?" Leo asked weakly. 

"Raphael?" she questioned, setting a small box on the floor. Leonardo didn't answer. In his eyes, I saw the same anger as I felt. "He's alive, Leo," she said, her voice emotionless. "And in much better shape than you are." 

"You played us, Kat," I shot at her, anger choking my voice. "We trusted you and you betrayed us." 

She stared at me for a moment, then walked over to where I hung. I tensed, realizing that I was defenseless. What did it matter, anyway? We were all as good as dead here. She raised her hand to the side of my face. Her soft skin felt cool on mine. I glared at her, inches away, and tears began to cloud my vision. How could she do it? We'd trusted her! How could she betray us like that? 

"I'm sorry, Michaelangelo," she whispered softly. She leaned into me and kissed my cheek. Anger overwhelmed me. She was sorry. Like _hell _she was sorry! 

I heard an unfamiliar jingling sound, and she raised her hands to mine. I stared at her, immediately on heightened alert. What the hell? "Be quiet," she instructed quietly. I heard metal touch metal, and a muffled clanking sound. My arms fell and I quickly grasped the fence to keep from falling forward. My feet were still tied, and I needed the fence to stay upright. I stared at her, dumbfounded as she produced a small knife and sliced through the ropes around my ankles. Then she stood before me, and handed me the knife. 

"Do you want to kill me, Michaelangelo?" she questioned. "Or do you want to free your brothers?" A long silence. I stared at her, dumbfounded. "Your choice." 

The look in her eyes shocked me into silence. She was totally serious. She turned her back on me and walked to Leonardo. He nearly fell on top of her, unable to stand, and I helped him steady himself against the fence. He slid to the floor, moaning quietly, and Kat moved to Donatello. "You okay?" I asked Leo, kneeling next to him. I was sore, but I couldn't imagine what he was feeling. 

He nodded once, his eyes closed, and I rose again to my feet. Donatello slumped to the floor, too. I studied Katarina for a moment before handing her the knife back. She placed it on her belt and walked over to the box she'd left at the door. She pulled out two water bottles, filled with a clear, greenish-brown liquid. She shook them, and handed one to each of my brothers. "Drink this," she ordered. "It'll numb the pain a little." 

She offered one to me, but I refused. "You sure?" she asked. "It's not going to be easy getting out of here." 

"I'm sore," I admitted. "But I can fight. I'll be okay." 

"Drink the damn tea, Mike," Leo ordered weakly. 

I glanced at him, and I had to smile. Half-dead, and he was still giving orders. I took the bottle and she stood to her feet, brushing her hands together. "Rest here," she mumbled. "I'll be right back." 

"Where are you going?" I asked. 

"I have to take care of something real quick," she answered. "You should be safe for a few minutes. No one will come in here." 

I wasn't exactly sure I believed her, but I wasn't going to argue. She cast one more concerned glance down at us, and walked away. 

**SHREDDER:**

I felt Madonna enter the room, but didn't allow the distraction as I continued, slowly, through the _kata_. Perfect. Measured. Practiced. And painfully slow. I breathed deep, and concentrated on the darkness. Finally, the movement stopped, and I opened my eyes. I turned to the door. "You are not permitted in here," I reminded her. "No one is allowed." 

"Yes," she whispered meekly, bowing. "I know. Forgive me." 

She was wearing a long, black robe, her hair hanging loosely around her face. She was easily forgiven. Besides, it was not as if she hadn't seen me unmasked a thousand times before. "What do you want?" I asked. 

She approached slowly, and dropped to her knees in front of me. "Forgiveness, Master," she breathed, her head bowed. 

I studied her carefully. "Forgiveness for what?" 

She breathed deep. "I've thought a great deal in these past hours," she choked. "About you, and about your enemies. And about my betrayal. I have dishonored my father and you, and now I beg for your forgiveness." 

She touched her forehead to the floor at my feet, and waited. I smiled at her submission as she bowed before me. "Stand up," I instructed after a moment of silence. 

She rose slowly to her feet, but kept her eyes to the floor. "Look at me." 

She caught her breath, and slowly turned her blue-green eyes to mine. I studied her for a moment. Tears threatened to overflow. "I am sorry, Master," she whispered. 

I hid a smile as I raised my hands to the sides of her face and pulled her lips to mine. 

**KIARA:**

"Why do you need them?" the boy demanded. 

I spun and gripped him by the throat, pinning him to the wall. The boy was no older than fourteen, and I didn't really want to hurt him. But I would, if he got in my way. Those around him sprang to attention and I glared at them as they threatened to attack. "Would you dare to strike your master's daughter?" I demanded. 

Fists unclenched and stances relaxed, and I turned my attention to the boy. "Give me. The keys." 

He pulled a set of keys off of his belt and pressed them into my hand. I released him, allowing him to gasp for air. The four soldiers guarding the door stepped aside and I turned the key. The room was dark, and dangerous. I could smell the death and destruction in the air as I closed the door behind me and reached for the lightswitch. 

I had been in this room twice before. It was an arsenal, large enough to fill one of the many bedrooms in my father's house. He was in this very structure, somewhere. I didn't want to think where. Regardless, I was safe for the moment. 

Light glinted off of the array of weapons. I knew what I was looking for, and I found everything with no trouble. As I was leaving, a weapon not on my list caught my eye. I set down what I was carrying, and reached for the three-pronged short sword. I ran my fingers over the smooth metal, and considered him. Where was he, right now? Was he angry? Sad? I'd left him before I could really tell. I rested my forehead on the metal rack and stroked the sais with my fingertips, painfully embracing the idea that I might never know. That I might never see him again. 

I took a step back, slipping the weapon into my belt, and picked up the pile I'd come for. I hit the light on my way out. 

**MADONNA:**

His fingers parted the robe and slid along my skin. I wished for a clock, so I could see how long I had to keep him here. I wished for this to be over. I wished for death. I didn't want to live a life with him, but there was no way to escape. I had tried that, and I had ended up in a great deal of pain, not to mention resting on the verge of dishonor. Death before dishonor; and death was what I craved. _Seppuku_, perhaps. Ritual suicide. I understood the concept. But my mission on this earth was not over. It would be soon. But right now, I had to keep him here, to keep him distracted. 

I kissed him deeply and arched into his touch. How long, Kiara? How long do you need? God, it was wrong to help her. I knew it was wrong. But what could I do? I had already gone as far as I was prepared to go to assist my husband in something I had never believed was right. I would not sacrifice Katarina as well. If such a refusal was dishonorable, then let me plead for honor in my death. 

I heard Leonardo's voice cut through my thoughts as the harsh, powerful hands roamed over me, violating me. 

_"I love you, Madonna," he whispers, stroking my hair gently as I lay next to him. _

_"I love you, too." _

_"No, really. I mean that." He shifts and I open my eyes to see him bent over me. I feel overtaken by the soft, gentle look in his eyes. "Not just... as something you say." _

_I smile up at him. "I know," I sigh. "I can tell." _

_He touches my face gently. "You're beautiful, you know that?" he breathes, leaning down to capture my lips again._

And I can't breathe. His kiss, so unlike Leonardo's, rapes me of whatever innocence I had once possessed. I feel pain as he grips me tightly. Tears fill my eyes. Dishonor... 

Suddenly, I understood where my honor had _really _been lost. 

**LEONARDO:**

She laid the weapons on the floor. "Can you use them?" she asked quietly. 

I nodded slowly. The pain was beginning to subside, but I was still stiff. I hadn't moved in... how many days? I'd lost count. I hadn't eaten in that long, either. My present weakness was a result of a lot of different factors. I raised the bitter drink to my lips again. It was helping, although I still felt like hell. 

"Where is Raphael?" I asked. 

"I don't know,"she admitted. 

"You should have brought him. It would've been easier." 

"I would have been difficult to get him here." 

"You could have acted like you'd taken him prisoner," Donny suggested. 

She shook her head. "They would have drugged him, like they did you. And he's hurt, besides." 

"How hurt?" 

"His arm is cut," she mumbled. "About six inches. He says it doesn't hurt, but I know he's lying. And at any rate, I never could've gotten him on the plane." 

"How far away are we?" Mike asked. 

"About a two and a half hour drive. Forty minute flight." 

I tried to move my arms and legs. They responded, but with a great deal of pain. Everything in me wanted to just sit here. But I knew I couldn't do that. I reached above me and grabbed the fence behind us. I stood slowly, half-pulling myself up. Kat and Mike both rose to help steady me, but I waved them away. "I'm alright," I gasped, gripping the fence tightly. I breathed deep for a moment and saw Mike offer Donny a hand. He pulled him to his feet and the two of us stood still, gasping for breath as our bodies rebelled against the orders we gave. 

Kat knelt again, and gathered the _shaken _and _caltrops_, hiding them somewhere in her outfit. I wasn't quite sure where. I didn't care. I leaned back against the fence as the throbbing, aching pain slowly subsided. I'd never been anywhere near this sore. 

"Try it?" Mike offered quietly. I opened my eyes and saw him holding out the _katana_. I groaned inwardly. I didn't want to _move_, much less fight. 

I took the weapon slowly and it almost slipped from my hand. God, it was heavy. I leaned back on the fence for support and gripped the hilt with both hands, getting used to the weight. I stayed like that for a moment, then slowly pushed off of the fence. I stood, holding the weapon in front of me and suddenly, I felt a ray of hope. We just might get out of this alive. 

**SHREDDER:**

I left Madonna on the floor of the training room and took a shower. Then I tried calling Kiara. She did not answer. That was not surprising. She had been recently ignoring me, even to the point of sending Madonna to ask for what she needed, rather than to come herself. It was time I made another trip to the city. 

My second-in-command was standing in my hallway. "Master Shredder," he bowed. "I was looking for you." 

I nodded in reply. "As I was you," I mumbled. 

"You spoke yesterday of an attack," he reminded me. "On the place where the turtles stay, to get the last one. Do you know where they stay?" 

"I must speak to my daughter," I informed him. "But she is not returning my calls." 

"Your daughter is here," he told me. 

I was shocked. Why had she not first reported to me? "Is she?" I challenged. 

He nodded. "She has just visited the weapons arsenal not more than an hour ago." 

I tensed. She knew better than to go there without first getting approval from me. "The weapons arsenal?" I questioned. 

He nodded again. "Yes, Master." 

The realization hit me with the force of a _tsunami_. "What weapons did she take?" I demanded. 

He stared at me for a moment. "I do not know. I was not there. I only heard of it from the guards." 

Anger flooded through me. "Bring them to me," I ordered. "And send someone to check on the freaks." 

"I already have," he assured me. 

"And have they reported back?" 

He stared for a moment, dumbfounded. I pushed past him and left the house quickly. At the end of the dirt road that split the tiny village, a large, strong building stood. The men guarding the door bowed as they opened the door for me. I didn't heed them. I proceeded through the darkness with a determined step. No sound came from the dark rooms that held our fortunes, piled high from countless raids on New York City. Finally, a door of reinforced steel. It stood slightly ajar, and I breathed deep, containing my anger. 

Beyond the door, a short hallway, and a large room. I flicked the light on. The floor was littered with soldiers, all either unconscious or dead. I did not care which. Fury flooded through me as I saw the empty bonds. I clenched my fist. "Find them," I growled. "Kill them. And bring my daughter to me." 

"Yes, Master." 


	17. Death & Dishonor Part 2

**Death and Dishonor Part 2**

**KATARINA:**

"What if he closes the door?" Mike whispered. "That's reinforced steel, we'll never..." 

"Quiet!" I snapped. 

I listened to the sound of my own breathing as I looked through the cracks in the ceiling at my father. He stepped over the fallen bodies and inspected the ropes that had held the feet of his captives. Then he spun and walked out of the room. I let out the breath I had been holding, and sat up, pressed against the metal beam that supported the structure. That was too close for comfort. 

"You guys okay?" I asked. 

Leo and Donny nodded stiffly. Even in their pain, they were still more capable than a dozen of my father's trained soldiers. "So how do we get out of here?" Mike asked. "I don't want to stick around any longer than I have to, if you know what I mean." 

"We should wait until nightfall," I suggested. 

Leo looked at me. "Is it safe to wait that long?" 

I stared back at him. "It's safer than trying to fight off an army of foot soldiers while you're half dead." 

"We're okay," he assured me. But he cringed even as he said it. 

I sighed. "It'll be dark in a few hours," I told them. "We have a better chance with darkness on our side." 

"Mmm," Donny moaned. "And here I was thinking it was the mid morning." 

"There's a vent over there," I pointed, "if you want to look outside." 

He shook his head slowly. A noise beneath us silenced us all. One of the dark figures stirred, and sat up. He looked around, mumbled a few profanities, and slowly stood to his feet. "Master Shredder's gonna kill me." 

He was right about that. 

**MADONNA:**

He slammed me to the wall, pinning me by my wrists. "What do you know about this?" 

"I know nothing!" I cried. 

"Did she speak with you?" 

"Yes," I admitted. 

"And what did she say?" 

_Oh, god, Kat, you dug your own grave this time... _"She said nothing about freeing them, I swear it!" 

"What did she say?" he demanded. 

I felt tears streaming down my face as his grip cut off the circulation to my fingers. I wouldn't lie to him. I had known that when she had first opened her mouth. It was why I didn't want to hear her plan. I knew he would ask me. But could I lie about what she had said? _What difference does it make, Madonna? She's as good as dead already when he gets his hands on her_. 

"She said that she was in love with one of them," I sobbed. 

"In _love _with him?" he yelled, throwing me aside. I fell to the floor, catching myself on the palms of my hands. "How the hell do you fall in love with a mutant freak?" 

I kept my eyes down and didn't answer. He grabbed my hair and I cried out as he yanked my head up. The pain was excruciating. "Tell me, Madonna," he growled. "You would know, wouldn't you?" 

"Please," I gasped. What did he want from me? It was not as if I could undo the past, even if I wanted to! 

He threw me down again and I hugged the floor, wishing for this nightmare to end. I couldn't live like this anymore. I wouldn't. 

**LEONARDO:**

Don and Mike were both asleep. They slept lightly, I was sure. I couldn't sleep if I'd wanted to. I hurt all over. I raised my arm across my chest and tried to massage the muscles in my shoulder. But I didn't even have the strength to do that. "Leo?" Kat's voice whispered. I looked toward her in the dim light shining up through the cracks in the ceiling tiles. She held out her hand. "Come here." 

I glanced down at the thin metal beams that were supporting us. There was no way the tiles would hold my weight. I'd have to walk along the beams. "I don't think I can," I answered quietly. "I'm not feeling very acrobatic right now." 

She smiled and pushed off of the beam she was resting against. She maneuvered her way around easily and came to rest at the post behind me. "Move forward," she instructed. I did, and she slipped behind me, her hands on my shoulders. She began massaging gently. 

"Try to relax," she encouraged me. 

I sighed deeply feeling the soreness ebb slowly away. I closed my eyes. "You have no idea how good that feels," I told her. 

"I can imagine," she replied as she prodded at the thick cords. I melted into her touch, breathing deeply. 

She continued for a few minutes without saying a word. "Hey Leo," she finally mumbled. 

"Hmm?" 

"If I don't make it out of this," she whispered, "and you do, I want you to promise me that you'll do something for me." 

"What?" I managed as she dug deeper into the tense muscles. 

"Promise me you'll tell Raph that I'm sorry." 

I considered her words for a moment, and wondered where Raphael was right now. Somehow, for once, I doubted he was at the bar. He was somewhere else, but I couldn't imagine where. "Promise me?" Kat pleaded. 

I breathed deep. "I promise." 

She sighed and continued to massage at my shoulders and neck. All hell was breaking loose around us. The village, as Kat had described it, was in havoc. They were looking for us. Desperately. 

"And Leo?" 

"Hmm?" 

She hesitated. "I _am _sorry." 

Her words echoed with the voice of someone else, but I pushed the painful thought out of my mind. Madonna had chosen her side, and I had to respect that. I couldn't think about it. It was too painful, and I knew it. 

I sighed deeply as I felt the strength slowly return to my arms. "I know," I whispered back. 

She dug at the base of my neck and I moaned quietly at the relief. I felt better than I thought I should, all things considered. She ran her hands lightly over my skin, feeling for any muscles that were still tense. There were none. Her touch had worked magic over my body. "Kat?" I asked quietly. 

"Yes?" 

I turned carefully so that I could face her. She leaned back against the metal post and crossed her arms over her chest, her dark hair falling in her eyes. "Do you love him?" 

Pain stabbed at her chest. I could see it flood her eyes, seeking release. She swallowed hard and nodded, her gaze steady on mine. "Yes, Leo, I do." 

"And do you want me to tell him that, too?" 

She looked away. "No," she whispered. "If he doesn't know that by the time this is over, he doesn't need to know." 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

The village was swarming with dark figures. "There's no way in hell we're gonna get out of here," I mumbled. I didn't like being negative, but at the moment, there wasn't much else to say. "And we're sitting ducks up here." 

Kat slid the tiles aside and I backed away from the vent where I'd been watching the commotion outside. "We're gonna take on the entire foot clan?" I challenged. 

Leo turned and shot me a glare. "You got a better idea, Mikey?" he questioned. 

I stared at him for a moment, then sighed. "Alrighty then, let's go," I gave in. 

Getting down from the ceiling was actually harder than getting up. We had to balance on top of the fence, with nothing to hold on to, while we knelt down to grab it. Then we could climb the rest of the way to the floor. 

Kat led the way out of the brightly lit room and into the dark hallways. "There's only one entrance," she whispered. "And there'll be at least four guards there." 

"Four, we can handle," Donny assured. 

"Quietly," she added. "We don't want to attract attention if we can avoid it." 

When we got to the door, Leo stepped forward and held his hand out to stop us. We backed up, knowing his plan without having to hear a word. 

I gripped my weapons tightly and waited in the shadows as Leo turned the doorknob and cracked the door open. It squeaked quietly and he jumped back into the safety of the darkness. I heard talking, but couldn't make out what they were saying. Then the door opened and closed again. A dark figure holding a flashlight stepped into the room. Without warning, Kat sprang, dragging him backward with a hand over his mouth and a knife to his throat. She stopped next to me and I grabbed the flashlight out of his hand. "Don't. Make. A sound," she whispered menacingly. 

I heard more conversation outside. The door opened again. "Adam?" 

The figure in the doorway backed away. When he returned, there were four others with him. They stepped into the darkness, waving flashlights. We avoided the beams with practiced accuracy. They walked into the shadows, and didn't seem to notice the door that was slowly closing behind them. "Hey!" 

One of them realized it. Taking the invisible cue, I sprang from the darkness. Quickly and near silently, they all fell. Kat let go of the man she was holding, allowing him to attack, and us to knock him out. She was already at the door by the time we were through. She pressed her back to the wall and looked out through the thin crack. We all listened hard. There was no sound outside the door. We were in the clear. 

"There's a ten foot electrified razor fence around the camp, except for the opening at the end of the street," Kat informed us. 

"Geez, you gotta be kidding me!" I mumbled. There was no way we would make it all the way down the street without being seen. _Stop it, Mike. Just stop thinking like that. There is a way out of this._

"This place was built with containment in mind," Kat sighed. "It's getting you here that's been hard. Keeping you is easy." 

"We can't run that far," Leo observed, looking down the street. It was at least a hundred and fifty yards away. "We'd never make it." 

"No," she agreed. "We wouldn't. But all these... dorms are connected. We could move from building to building if we can get to them." 

I looked at the living quarters lining the street. "Hey Kat?" Donatello asked. 

"Yeah?" 

"Just how many people live in those buildings?" 

"Probably, uh, I don't know, two thousand?" 

"Damn!" I mumbled. 

"But there are more than two thousand foot soldiers altogether," Kat continued. "Many of them choose not to live here. These are mostly runaways. And people with family ties." 

"These buildings run all the way to the entrance?" Leo questioned. 

"No," Kat answered quietly. "But it's a start." 

"Okay, I'm not real sure I want to know but..." I stared at her. "What's between the apartments and the entrance?" 

She glanced at me. "My father's house is on the right. His second-in-command, Satsugai, is on the left. I recommend avoiding my father." 

"I second that," I agreed. 

"So we go to the left," Leo mumbled. "Question is..." He stared out at the hundred feet between us and the building. "How the hell do we get there?" 

Kat looked back at the fallen soldiers. "I have an idea," she mumbled. 

**DONATELLO:**

"Are you sure about this?" 

"Do it, Leo," she mumbled. "It's too hard to hide." 

The _katana _sliced easily through her hair, cropping it short. I cringed. She wasn't satisfied. He cut a few more times, closer to her skull, and finally, she slipped the mask over her face. 

"If we get split up," she mumbled, "at any time through this, there's a little graveyard just outside of the compound, in the trees a little ways. You wouldn't even see it except there's a statue there. That's where we'll meet." 

She tied the red bandana with her father's symbol around her forehead and turned to us. Her breasts bound tightly with a strip of fabric, she had almost managed to flatten her chest. As long as she didn't allow anyone to look at her too closely, she would be fine. 

"Anyone not there by sunrise, we assume they're dead, we move on. Nobody comes back in here once they're out." 

We all knew she was speaking about herself. It wasn't likely that the three of us would get split up like that, but she was walking away from the group. "We all clear?" she asked. 

I nodded slowly and she turned to Leo. "I want your word," she demanded. "Promise me you won't come back here for me." 

He looked away. "Kat..." 

She raised her hands to the sides of his face. "Give me your word," she demanded, turning his face to hers. "On your honor. You will not come back here for me." 

He hesitated and breathed deep. His eyes closed slowly, and I wondered if she realized what she was asking him to do. "You have my word," he breathed. 

God, I prayed it didn't come to that. 

"I want you guys to stay away from the door," Kat directed, backing away from Leo. "Because I'm going to attract attention to this place, so that they'll come in here and see them," she motioned to the fallen foot soldiers, "and think you're already gone." 

"Kind of like staying one step behind the enemy, isn't it?" I smiled. 

She nodded. "Exactly like it. And when you get into the buildings, move along the top floor. I'll distract their attention to the bottom." 

She slipped a handful of small weapons into her belt, and picked up the sai she'd had on her black jeans. She pulled the cell phone off of her jeans and handed it to Leo. He took it slowly, his eyes fixed on her covered face. "Take this," she urged. "You can use it to call April. It's a long drive from the city, so you might want to call her now. Here's directions." 

She pulled a folded piece of paper out of the pocket of her jeans and pressed it into his hand. "She could take a plane, but then I don't know how you'd get back. You probably don't want to stick around too long, and I don't know of any car rental places that are going to be open at this hour." 

She spun around and started to the door, but Leo stopped her with a hand on her shoulder. She hung her head, her back still toward him, and breathed deep. "_Chui suru_," he advised. (AN: "be careful") 

She nodded slightly. "_Hai_," she promised. "_Shitte imasu_." (AN: "I know") 

She didn't move, and his hand dropped. "And Kat?" Mike called after her as her hand rested on the door. She paused, but didn't turn around. "Thanks." 

She never looked back. 

**SHREDDER:**

For four hours, they had searched. I was beginning to wonder if we were looking for something that was no longer here. Madonna stood at the window, gripping a glass filled with wine. "What are you looking for?" I demanded. 

She hung her head. "Nothing, Master." 

"Hoping he'll come rescue you?" I shot at her. 

"Not at all, Master," she protested. 

She lied. I could see it written in her downcast eyes. The thought struck me. I remembered the way he had glared at me when I touched her in his presence. I'd been determining how deep his feelings for her went, and I had done it successfully. But I hadn't really considered the thought of him returning for her until it had escaped my lips. She was being truthful; she did not want him to come back. Because to do that would be certain death. 

Suddenly, a cry from somewhere inside the camp interrupted my thoughts. I hurried to the window. Smoke poured from one of the windows in the living quarters. Sounds of a battle echoed on the night air. I spun to Satsugai. "Go and see what is happening," I ordered. He bowed and hurried from the room. 

**KIARA:**

They let me in, unsuspecting. And I allowed them to live for long enough to attract some attention. The room quickly flooded with soldiers, and I dispensed a few of them before retrieving a few tiny pellets from my belt. They hit the ground and exploded into a cloud of smoke. And I was gone, into the ventilation system, before they realized that I was making an escape. I closed the vent behind me, so as not to betray my escape method. I knew I could only use it for a short time. But that would be all I needed. 

**LEONARDO:**

"Nice," Mike mumbled, watching every living soul flock to the end of the building on the right. 

"Come on," I directed. "Stay along the wall." 

We slipped out the door and stayed as deep in the shadows as we could. We reached the end of the left building without being seen. I could see the fence, a few meters behind the building. "I wonder if we could go behind it," I mumbled. 

The three of us exchanged glances and edged toward the back of the building. Several fences ran across the passage. Six feet, and razor wire. "Smart," Donny mumbled. "He didn't want the building so close to the fence that we could jump out the window and get over it. But he blocked off the space between with more electrified wire." 

I sighed and pressed against the brick wall. "I guess we go in," Mike assumed. 

"Yeah," I agreed. "And as quickly as possible." 

There was a window on the back of the building. The room behind it was empty. Donny inspected it carefully before prying it open. It wasn't even locked. Genius. 

We slipped into the room and headed for the only door. Opening it slowly, we found that it opened directly into a hallway that ran all the way down the building. "We're not gonna try to run that, are we?" Mike mumbled. 

"If we're seen, they could have plenty of time to call for help." 

"Yeah," I agreed. "We go room to room. One at a time." 

**SATSUGAI:**

It did not take long for me to reach the room. The crowd of dark figures parted as I approached. Four foot soldiers lay on the floor, bleeding. I heard a battle cry from another room, and spun. They were still here. They had not yet escaped. "Increase the security at the gate," I ordered harshly. "If they are here, they will not escape." 

Soldiers hurried to those who were unaware, to warn them as the silent enemy slipped in and out of the rooms. I considered the pattern, and my eyes fell to the ventilation system at the ceiling. 

**KIARA:**

I hit four rooms before I knew I couldn't use the vents anymore. Sure enough, they began to flood with tear gas. They were trying to flush me out. It didn't matter. I stepped up onto the windowsill, on the second floor, and grabbed hold of the drain pipe and climbed easily to the next floor. I entered a room with two soldiers, and decided to implement stage two of my plan. "Did they come through here?" I demanded, disguising my voice. 

"Did who?" 

"The freaks!" I yelled, turning away. I didn't want them to look at me for too long. "For Christ's sake, are you deaf up here? They're in this building!" 

"Are you sure?" one of the boys asked. I guessed he was sixteen. 

"I've seen them!" I shot. "I was following them. I thought they came in here." 

It got the rumors going, and they spread like wildfire. 

**SHREDDER:**

"Are you sure?" 

"They have been sighted by multiple members of the foot," Satsugai affirmed. 

"Where?" 

He was pleased at being able to report some measure of success. I could see his pleasure, though he tried to hide it. "They are inside of building one," he told me. "Moving toward the gate." 

"I want more soldiers stationed there, to block their escape." 

He nodded. "Yes, Master. I have already sent them." 

I afforded another glance at Madonna, who was staring out the window with her face hidden by her hair. Would the freak come for her? I had a feeling he would. And that being the case, I did not want to leave. "How are they moving through the building?" I demanded. 

"They first moved through the ventilation. But now we are not sure how they are moving." 

I turned and stared at him. Was he _serious_? He was. I breathed deep, to control my anger. "Satsugai, did it ever occur to you that they would not _fit _in the ventilation system?" I questioned calmly. 

A shocked look crossed his face. No, he had not thought of that. Damn his stupidity! "It is Kiara," I growled. "_Bring _her to me! And _find _them!" 

**DONATELLO:**

We were seen twice. Both times, we managed to eliminate the threat before he could alert anyone else. It was surprisingly easy. "Boy, Kat sure has done a good job keeping their attention away from us," Mike mumbled as we reached the end of the hall. I kicked the door in to one of the rooms and we slipped inside. Luckily, it was empty. 

"Yeah," I mumbled. "And on herself." 

I walked to the window and watched the commotion outside. Not everyone was inside the building, but I figured that was probably because everyone wouldn't _fit_. I wondered how she intended to get out of there. 

_She doesn't._

The thought hit hard and I closed my eyes. It was a sacrifice. Literally, a suicide. For our sakes. I watched the building. She was in there somewhere. Maybe fighting. Maybe running. Definitely dying. I wanted to help her, but I knew I was helpless. 

**KIARA:**

I sprinted down the hallway, mingling with the crowd. So much confusion, and no plan. They ran blindly after invisible opponents. I hid my laugher. It would be so easy to slip out of here. 

The paranoia spread as quickly as the rumors of their presence. They were everywhere and nowhere at the same time. I'd be out of here before they knew what had happened. Easy. Happily ever after. I ducked into one of the rooms and looked down on the street. I wondered if they were out yet. They'd have to sprint to the gate. And I had to be right behind them if I wanted to get out. That was going to be the hardest part. I looked down on the dirt road. 

_Come on guys, _I prayed silently. I knew they hadn't gotten out yet. If they had, they would've surely been seen. And all of this madness would move outside. I could see it now- my father would be furious. How could an entire camp full of "trained" _ninjas _allow three freaks to escape. Oh yeah, and one _woman_. Ha! _Well, there you go, jackass. Seems this _woman _has outdone you. _

Suddenly, the door behind me flew open. I spun, startled. Satsugai stood in the door. I bowed instinctively, grateful that the action gave me a moment to figure out what I was going to say to him. I hadn't expected anyone to come in here. "Master Satsugai," I greeted, trying again to disguise my voice. This time was harder, because I was nervous. I hadn't been prepared for this. 

He eyed me carefully and I tensed. I knew immediately that there was going to be a fight. I blended with the other black figures, and could hide my identity among those who were unsuspecting. But I sensed, without proof, that he knew exactly what he was looking for. And he would see it if he looked hard enough. My muscles tensed as I prepared, mentally and physically. 

**LEONARDO:**

"We have to sprint that," Donatello observed. "There's really nowhere to hide." 

"Think we'd make it?" Mike questioned, staring out the window. It was about a fifty feet to the entrance, where twelve foot soldiers stood. We'd be out in the open, between Shredder's house and Satsugai's. That was incredibly dangerous. But we had no choice. 

"We made it this far," Donny reminded us. 

I glanced across the street at the large house that loomed next to the dorms. Shredder was in there, somewhere. I hated running from him. The thought made my blood boil. I was more than ready to have it out with him. But this was not the time or place. I was still weak and sore. I was up to an escape, but I knew I wasn't feeling my best. I wasn't sure I could handle a confrontation with my mortal enemy. And certainly not on his turf. 

My eyes ran over the building, and came to rest on one of the windows on the upper floor. A woman with blond hair and a white gown covering her sat staring down at the street. My heart broke instantly. The fact that she'd walked away from me, that she was the wife of my enemy, that she had done nothing to help us... none of that mattered when I saw her there. The only thing that I could recall was the way she'd laid in my arms. How she'd kissed me, and laughed as I struggled with new emotions that I didn't know how to express. Her sparkling eyes and gorgeous smile. 

Tears stung my eyes. I saw her laughing and shrieking as I held her down and tickled her. The look in her eyes, the taste, the smell, the feel of her. We'd clung to each other when life got stressful. She could always make it better. One touch. One kiss. She could heal me. 

"Leo?" 

I realized the tears had overflowed and hid my face from my brothers, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand. Why? Damn it, _why_! I'd never loved anyone before. Why did she have to be the one person I was so _damn _in love with? The one person I could never have. 

Donatello's eyes shifted to the window where Madonna sat, lost in another world. "Do you want to try it?" he asked, his voice calm and serious. 

I knew what he was talking about without hearing him explain. I shook my head and turned away. "She made her choice," I whispered. Besides, that was suicide. We couldn't just walk into Shredder's house and take her away. There was no way in hell we'd get away with that. I knew better than to try. 

I glanced back up. She moved her hair out of her face and rested her head on the window frame. Why? 

I couldn't think about it. I had to just go. To run and not look back. 

**KIARA:**

I ducked and leaped at the same time as something no larger than the size of a marble cut through the air. It clicked once on the floor before exploding in a blast of heat and light. The sais I'd reached for were torn from my hands as the room shuddered. A table that had been standing in the room was little more than splinters. 

Still reeling from the concussion of the explosion, I felt Satsugai approach. Without thinking, I pushed off the floor with every ounce of strength in my arms and shoulders. Twisting in mid-air, I went for his wrist, the only thing I could get to in such limited time. He jerked back, and I had a split second to get to my feet. I struck at his spleen, but was unable to connect. 

I ignored the serpent-strike to my clavicle, biting back the pain, and he forced me into a four-hands-lock. I broke free and sprang back. I was reaching the extreme end of my time limit. He was going to attract attention that I could not deal with. I tossed a handful of _caltrops _and a significant dose of smokescreen to the floor as I sprinted toward the window. 

I never made it that far. Pain stopped me. I fell, suddenly oblivious to the world around me. 

**DONATELLO:**

We ran. We attracted plenty of attention, but no one could come close to catching us. The biggest problem was the soldiers at the gate. They would slow us down. Hopefully not too much. They braced as we approached. _Just make a path through them and get the hell out. _

I spun and hit one of the soldiers as we met each other. Weapons clashed and in final burst of energy, the three of us darted out of the compound. We ran deep into the woods, knowing full well that we were being followed. But darkness was on our side, and there was no way they would catch us. We were out of danger. Now all we could do was pray that Kat would join us. 


	18. Punishment

**Punishment**

**I don't own the Bible, but I'm not sure who's got the copyright on that... (The verse I used is Deuteronomy 21:18-21, in case anyone cares)**

**MICHAELANGELO:**

"I don't like this," I mumbled as the sky continued to get lighter. "She should be here by now." 

We all knew it. None of us wanted to admit it. But it had been at least two hours, and there was no sign of her. If she'd encountered Shredder, she was probably already gone. I hung my head, leaning against one of the trees surrounding the statue. The graves here were old, forgotten. They were dated back in the 1800s. 

April was on her way. She had been extatic to hear from us. So much so that Leo had to hold the phone away from his ear. Raphael was with her, and he was coming whether we wanted him to or not. 

"I'm surprised they haven't come looking for us yet," Donny mumbled. 

"They probably think we'll come back for her." 

I glanced at him. The way he said the words made it clear that he had no intention of going back. "Leo..." I started. 

"No," he interrupted. "Don't." 

The cell phone rang. Donny picked it up. It was April, and she was at the house down the path. Donatello hung up the phone. Leo gave one last look toward the compound. The sun broke the horizon. 

**RAPHAEL:**

"What the _hell _happened to you?" I demanded as April threw her arms around Michaelangelo's neck. It was an indescribable relief to see my brothers again. 

"Shredder's got a.. I don't know... village?" Donatello explained, pointing over his shoulder. "It's about three miles back." 

"Well hidden," Mike added. "We never could've found it." 

"Well, hell, we weren't even _looking _outside the city," I mumbled. "You wouldn't think he'd be this far away and still work inside the city as much as he does." 

"How did you guys get away?" April asked, inspecting a cut on the side of Leo's face. They all looked pretty beat up. I could only imagine what they'd been through during their escape. 

They all fell silent. One by one, their eyes dropped to the ground. April held Leonardo at arm's length. "What happened?" she questioned, softer this time. 

Leo kept his head down and massaged at the back of his neck. "Kat," he mumbled. "Katarina... helped us." 

I felt my eyes get wide. "She helped you escape?" I questioned, shocked. 

He nodded, his eyes still down. I glanced around at the solemn faces of my brothers. "Where is she now?" I demanded. 

**KATARINA:**

I was hurled to the ground at his feet. I didn't fight against them. I stared down at the dirt and breathed hard. Finally, I looked up. I wouldn't cower. My father glared down at me with hatred in his eyes and I glared back. I couldn't fight him, I wasn't prepared to try. I was going to die, and I was ready. The only regret I had was that I had never gotten a chance to make amends with Raphael. But Leo would take care of that. I knew he would. 

My father watched me, his eyes in this slits under the metal hood. "You are a disgrace to me," he growled. 

"That was the idea," I shot back. 

He unsheathed his weapon. The sharp metal gleamed in the moonlight. I clenched my teeth and stared death in the face, defiant. 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

"You _left _her there?" he breathed, shock and anger choking his voice. 

"Raph, we don't even know that she's alive," Leo answered solemnly. "Chances are he probably killed her on sight." 

"Chances, Leonardo?" he whispered. The shock was preventing him from getting angry. "You left her there on the _chance _that she was dead?" 

"No, Raphael," Leo sighed. "I left her there because she asked for my word that I would not go back, no matter what, and I gave it to her." 

Raph glanced at Donatello for confirmation, and he nodded slightly. "Oh, god," April whispered to herself. She hid her face. 

Raph opened his mouth to say something, but no sound came out. He stood dumbfounded as we all gave Kat a moment of silence. "Where...?" he started. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. "This compound," he tried again, more composed this time. "It's three miles from here?" 

I immediately knew what he was thinking. I wasn't sure whether to feel relief or horror. "Raph, you can't go there," Leo sighed. 

The cold, hard, determined look that _was _Raphael returned. "Just try and stop me, Leo," he threatened. 

"Raph, come on," Donatello tried to reason. "She's gone. And that's suicide." 

"I don't care," he shot back. 

I was torn. There was no stopping Raphael when he got like this. But Donny was right, it was a death wish. And as much as I wanted to believe otherwise, I knew Kat was probably dead already. But I couldn't deny that I felt the same thing. Everything inside of me wanted to go back there, just to be _sure_. If she wasn't dead, if she could still make it out alive, then we'd abandoned her. How could we do that after she'd risked her life to save us? 

"We promised her we wouldn't go back," Leo whispered. "It was what she wanted." 

"No," Raph pointed at him, raising his voice. "_You _promised. _I _never said word one." 

Donatello couldn't let it lie. "Raph, you can't take on the entire..." 

"Shut the _hell _up, Donny!" Raph yelled. "This doesn't concern you!" 

"How does it _not _concern me?" Don shot back. "You're talking about suicide here!" 

Raph didn't fight. He didn't argue anymore. He just spun and started to walk away. "Raphael," Leo called after him. 

Raph turned and looked back, fire dancing in his eyes. Leo hesitated. "She's already gone, Raph," he finally mumbled. He sounded as defeated as he looked. "If you go in there... you won't come back out. And you won't accomplish anything." 

Raphael's gaze didn't waver. After a moment of silence, he spun and ran into the woods. I stared after him, not sure what to do. 

**KATARINA:**

I felt the tip of the blade under my chin and anger swept over me. "Are you going to kill me, Shredder?" I demanded, purposely forsaking the term "father". "Murder me? While I'm on my knees?" 

"And _why_, exactly, are you on your knees?" he shot at me. 

"You send an army of _ninjas _after one person and call it defeat when she is struck down?" I challenged. 

"You were defeated long before my men got involved," he growled. 

"Yeah, I know," I snarled. "From the moment I was born, right? Just a stupid, weak woman, right? Well I've got news for you, this woman just brought your empire crashing down, Shredder. They know where you stay now, and all the years you struggled to build this place... it all means nothing. Because of a woman." 

He glared at me, fury burning in his eyes. "And I'm _not _sorry," I whispered. 

He didn't move for a long time. Then, finally, he pulled the sword back from my neck. "Take her to the gate," he ordered. "I don't wish to spill blood on my porch." 

**DONATELLO:**

"You guys can't just let him walk in there and get himself killed!" April cried. 

Leo sighed. "What do you want us to do, April?" He sounded tired and discouraged. "We can't stop him, and I don't really want to try." 

"You don't want to _try_?" she yelled. "Why the hell not?" 

"If we stop him, April," I mumbled, "he'll spend the rest of his life feeling like he could've saved her." 

"The rest of his life is about to come to an end," she reminded me, anger streaking her voice. 

Leo turned away. "Go after him," April told him. "If you're not gonna stop him, at least try and help him! The four of you have a better chance together than..." 

"No," Leo interrupted. 

"Why?" she demanded. 

"I gave my word," he mumbled quietly. 

"_Damn _your honor, Leonardo!" she screamed. We turned to face her, all of us shocked. "You can sacrifice yourself, but you have _no _right to sacrifice your brother!" 

With an angry, frustrated cry, she stormed away. We all watched as she walked to the van, got in the driver's seat and slammed the door. She slammed it so hard that the window shattered, spilling glass all over the dirt driveway. She rested her hands on the steering wheel, and her head on her hands, and she cried. 

Her words rang in my ears. Mike started toward the van, but he thought better of it. He turned to Leo, a lost, pleading look on his face. I followed his gaze. I didn't want to admit I felt the same thing. "Leo...?" I pleaded. He closed his eyes and clenched his teeth. 

"Damn it," he whispered angrily, opening his eyes to look down at the ground. 

**KATARINA:**

_If a man have a stubborn and rebellious son, which will not obey the voice of his father... _

An execution. For a sin I did not repent for. Nor would I. A million thoughts flooded through my mind. A blur of motion, and I was suddenly dizzy. The voice of my father rang in my memories. "You are a disgrace to me." 

_Or the voice of his mother... _

I'd had a mother, once. She'd read to me from a children's Bible. Stories of love and peace. My father had despised her for it. Polluting me, he'd said, with rediculous notions. Were her stories in fact the same laws that sentenced me now? 

_And that, when they have chastised him, will not harken unto them. _

He had used her book, long after she'd died, to decend from on high and come down to my level. He'd thrown truth at me like darts, and I had not accepted his lies. Honor thy father and mother. And I did not honor him. I dishonored him, defied him, and challenged his authority. So unlike that good, sweet girl that my mother had wanted me to be. Defied my father. Not only with my spoken words, for angry thoughts had been my defiance long before I was thrown at his feet. I had defied him the moment I looked into the eyes of his enemy. And for that I would not repent. 

_Then shall his father and his mother lay hold on him... _

Jerked to my feet, I half-walked, allowing them to drag me to my well-deserved death. 

_And bring him out unto the elders of his city... _

An execution, for a sin that even my mother would agree was punishable by death. Dishonorable, bloody, and without remorse, I accepted the fate before me. 

_And unto the gate of his place... _

Past the razor wire, I was hurled to the dirt. The crowd had disbersed, each to his own home with the threat no longer present. They were long gone. Thank god, they were long gone. And all of my father's work, to build his secret fortress, had come to nothing. For now they knew where he hid. 

_And they shall say unto the elders of his city, This our son is stubborn and rebellious... _

He stood over me. I glared up at him, hatred and rebellion surging through me in a steady stream. I would go to my death, for I knew it was deserved. 

_He will not obey our voice... _

"{You have no remorse?}" he challenged, seemingly amused. 

"{I would do it again,}" I spat at him. 

_He is a glutton and a drunkard... _

I remembered Raphael, and the climax of my rebellion as I had given myself to the enemy. The emotions that rushed over me, and the high that I felt as my entire body reacted to him. The way he had kissed me, his hands roaming over me so gently. He had taken me to a place I had never wanted to leave. Drunk on his presence, and the wine of his kisses, I had made a choice. And I _would _do it again. 

_And all the men of his city shall stone him with stones... _

The sword caught the early morning light and I stared at it, unafraid. 

_That he die.._. 

**LEONARDO:**

"Raph! Raphael, wait!" 

Raph slowed, but didn't look back. We ran to catch up with him. "You know this is insane, right?" Mike asked. "You gonna just walk right up to Shredder and tell him he was bad for killing her?" 

"She's not dead," he mumbled. 

I sighed. "Okay, Raph, I understand why you're doing this," I muttered. "But you have to accept the fact that this might not turn out happily ever after." 

He stopped and spun to me, gripping my shoulder. "We were fifteen," he shot. "You came bursting through the front door of April's farmhouse, rambling about how you knew Splinter was alive. How did you know that?" 

I stared at him, the challenge ringing in my ears along with the memory of that morning. There was no answer to that question, and he knew it. "I don't know," I resigned. "I just did." 

"Then don't ask me to explain to you how I know she's alive." 

He turned and continued walking. I sighed as I followed him, hoping he was right. 

**MADONNA:**

I knew what he was going to do. I knew he was perfectly serious about it. But I also knew that I could not stand by and watch as he murdered his own daughter... and my best friend. 

With a sudden and determined burst of willpower, I stepped in front of her. He stopped and stared at me, shocked. "No," I said. 

That was all. It was all he needed. Anger flooded his face. Instinctively, I was afraid. _Of what, Madonna? _I challenged myself. _Death? _

"Get out of the way," he ordered. 

I reached into the jacket, and produced a gun. He stepped back, shocked. He hadn't known that I had a gun. In reality, I didn't relish the thought. But throughout my entire life, my father had discouraged me from the martial arts. And I had to have some way to defend myself. So I had learned how to use a gun. I had never needed it before now. 

Anger overwhelmed me. He had taken everything from me. My entire life, from the start, had been subject to him. I hated him. And I hated what I had become because of him. "I won't live like this," I whispered, thinking out loud. 

"No," he glared. The threat in his voice was evident. I steadied my finger on the trigger, fully prepared to defend myself if he made a move. But there was no time. Before I could blink, much less make my fingers work, he had the gun out of my hand. I couldn't tell what he'd done. All I knew was that I was suddenly defenseless. "No, you won't," he repeated. 

And it was over. 

**LEONARDO:**

I heard gunshot, and all four of us froze. My breathing stopped. Why on earth would there be a gun in a camp full of ninjas? Another two shots, and an angry cry, followed by a long string of Japanese expletives not normally heard in public. 

"Kat," Mikey whispered. Raphael jerked to attention at the sound of her voice 

Suddenly, she cut off. None of us breathed. The silence that followed was eerie. "Come on," Raphael whispered, determined. 

**SHREDDER:**

She fell silent and glared at the gun that was now pointed at her. On her feet again, anger shining in her eyes, she breathed hard. "{You're a murderer,}" she whispered threateningly. "{You have _no _honor!}" 

I dropped the gun on the body that lie bleeding in the dirt. Normally, I would never have used such a weapon. But it seemed fitting that she should die by the same instrument she used to threaten me. "{She was already dead,}" I informed Kiara. "{She was dead the moment she disgraced me. Much the same as you.}" 

"_Monshi_!" (AN: Die in agony!) 

"{As you shall,}" I guaranteed. 

She stood before me, her eyes flaming. "{You are a liar,}" she accused. "{And a murderer. One of us _will _die now, and let our fates decide it.}" 

She clenched her fists tightly at her sides and breathed hard. "{Or are you aftraid,}" she growled, "{of a _woman_!}" 

I studied her, considering the challenge. She wished to die in battle. It would be brief, and no more exerting than killing her where she stood. I nodded slightly. "{Send your _children _away,}" she threatened, sarcastically. "{This is between you and me, not your soldiers.}" 

**LEONARDO:**

She was lying on the ground, just outside of the gate. "Oh, god," Mikey whispered. 

I felt Raph's hand on my shoulder. "Go," he permitted. "See if she's alive. We'll cover you." 

I darted toward the figure, glad that the fence was solid. I would not be seen unless someone came out of the gate. There was no presence nearby, except for the one on the ground. I swallowed hard as I approached, already knowing what I would find, dreading to see it. 

Madonna was lying in a pool of her own blood. I hit my knees at her side and her eyes fluttered open as I touched the side of her face. She was alive. But I could tell that she was hanging by a thread that was about to snap. There was no way in hell she was going to survive, and I knew it. Blood poured from two holes in her chest and one in her neck. I stared at the face of death as she choked and coughed blood. Pain and sadness clouded her dimming eyes. 

I took her hand, unable to say anything. What could I say to her? She'd made her decision, she'd reaped the consequences. But that didn't ease the burning in my chest. "Leo," she gasped. She coughed again and moaned in pain. "I'm so... sorry." 

I shook my head and held her hand tighter, tears burning my eyes. I could say nothing. "You have to know..." she tried. "It wasn't... my father... dishonored..." Again, she choked. I cringed as blood ran from her mouth. "It was you... And I die..." She cringed and gave a high-pitched, weak moan. "...in dishonor... forgive me..." 

"You're forgiven," I assured her, pain choking my voice. The blood spilled and I felt tears sting my eyes. Shot down, by the man she'd sacrificed everything for. 

I saw her fingers move as she lifted her hand. I was surprised at the strength she still seemed to possess. 

"Then... help me..." 

I stopped my breath, my chest tightening. I knew what she wanted. She wasn't clinging to life. She was ready to die, but not in dishonor. Not shot with three bullets from her father's gun. She craved honor. It was all she had ever wanted. She'd sacrificed her life for it. How could I deny her? Especially since I knew I would want the same thing. It didn't make it any easier. 

I swallowed hard as she closed her eyes. "Please... Leo... Help me..." 

I leaned over her and kissed her gently, tasting the blood on my lips. The warm essence of life coated my fingertips as I touched her neck. "I love you," I choked, tears streaming down my face. I wasn't ashamed of them. This pain was more intense than anything I'd ever felt in my life. 

But still, I realized that I was calm. I was at peace, knowing that she wasn't fighting to cling to life. She was ready to go, and I had to think that she'd considered this long before she'd stepped in front of his gun. I _knew _she had. She had only left me in order to protect her honor, and in so doing only further defiled it. Then she realized it. And maybe she felt there was no way to undo it. Was it possible to be forgiven of lost honor? Yes, it was. But could she forgive herself? And did it matter now? 

Death before dishonor. It was me she had betrayed, but he had put her to death. And her sacrifice to make amends with him had amounted to nothing. Rather than forgive her, he had left her to bleed to death through wounds from a gun. A _gun_. It was an insult, and she knew it. But she understood what she was dying for, even if he did not. She had chosen death, rather than to live with him in dishonor of me. And now, she would die an honorable death... even if she and I were the only ones in the world who knew that. 

I had not yet loosened my grip on the _katana _Kat had placed in my hand. But now, I relinquished it. I breathed deep as I placed the hilt in her outstretched hand. She wrapped her fingers around it tightly and I cringed. I turned my head and closed my eyes, unable to watch as she silently, calmly died. I heard the last breath escape her lips and felt her life pool around me, drenching me in her blood. Eyes closed, I felt the tears burn. 

I felt her hand fall away from mine as life escaped her body, flowing into the ground. I didn't want to look back at her. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek and swallowed hard. It was over. She was at peace. God, how I wished I could say the same! I retrieved my _katana _and laid it next to her. Then I turned to see her. A calm surrender covered her face. She looked like she did when she was asleep... in my arms after hours of whispered words and stolen kisses... passion and heat mixed with a calm, shared trust forever unspoken between us. 

"Madonna..." 

I touched the side of her face gently. Her blood was still warm, but there was no presence. And I felt incredibly alone. 


	19. Crossing Swords

**Crossing Swords**

**KATARINA:**

I felt pain slice through me and blood ran. I staggered backward, trying to keep a firm grip on the weapons. He hit me across the face with the back of his fist and I fell. I knew it was over. His blow was as good as fatal. I tasted blood, hot and salty on my tongue as he stood over me. He stepped back and glared down, mumbling something about dishonor and death. I couldn't hear him. My head was spinning. I looked up at him, waiting for the final blow to come. 

Then, suddenly, a blur of movement, a green figure stood between me and my death. I choked on the dust around me, knowing who it was. _Oh, god, no... _And I slipped away. 

**RAPHAEL:**

I faced him, sais crossed in front of me in a defensive stance. For a moment, he just stared as Leonardo stepped into place next to me, forming a wall in front of Katarina. I glared into the eyes of my enemy, and forced my anger aside. To attack him in anger was a suicide attempt. He was, after all, the most formidable opponent we had ever faced. 

I breathed slowly and prepared myself mentally for battle. I had not crossed paths with Oruku Saki in months. But I remembered it clearly. It had haunted me through every _kata _and sparring session I had practiced since then. He had nearly killed me, as I had him. But our fight to the death had resolved nothing; neither one of us were dead. 

Formidable opponent my ass. Did he _really _think he could get through all of us? We weren't young teenagers anymore, just starting to test our wings. I knew that, even if no one else did. My fight with him had been brutal, but I had not lost. And my brothers had improved just as much as I had. He could not keep up with us. There was no way he could take all four of us. 

My anger was as fierce as it had been all those years ago, when we stood on a rooftop and faced a new enemy. But I knew something now that I didn't know then. I knew how to let my anger fuel me, but _not _control me. I could keep a clear head in battle, and I could go on forever. And I knew for a _fact _that Leo felt the same anger I did right now, if not moreso. 

"You are fools to come back here," Shredder snarled. "You could have escaped." 

_With the loss of but one, right? Bastard!_

"Step back, Shredder," I growled at him. Michaelangelo and Donatello appeared on either side of Leo and me. "Or are you going to take on all four of us?" 

He seemed amused by the thought. He raised the _katana _in front of him. Arrogant. Good. My brothers all raised their weapons and tensed, bracing in anticipation. "Attack me, then," he challenged. "And this time, you die." 

He twirled out of the way of my attack and raised his sword. I felt it without seeing it, and with perfect accuracy, I raised my own weapon to catch it. The _katana _caught between the prongs of my sai and I kicked at him. He spun again and came face to face with Michaelangelo. I backed off. We knew better than to get in each other's way. 

In a flurry of movement that my eyes couldn't follow, weapons clashed and Mike jumped back. Shredder turned to me again, coming closer than I was comfortable with, and I ducked to avoid the swiping blade. Still crouched, I saw his next attack as he tried to hook my leg with his foot. But my hands were faster. I hit his shin with the side of my weapon as I rose to my feet. The entire thing took no more than a second. 

I jumped back and braced as he attacked again. Again, I caught the sword. But somehow, I lost my grip on the weapon. In the fraction of a second that I was surprised, he spun and kicked, and I hit the ground at the same time as my weapon did. 

**DONATELLO:**

I was more than ready to have it out with this guy. He'd haunted my dreams since I was a child, albeit in different ways. First and foremost, he was Oruku Saki, who had killed Splinter's _sensei _in a merciless rage. And once I had met him personally, he became the Shredder, the man who had kidnapped _our sensei_. I did not relish the idea of hate, but I couldn't deny that I hated this man. 

We fought fiercely for all of thirty seconds. By that time, he was anticipating every move I made. I tried to hook my _bo _around his ankle, but he saw it coming long before I could execute the attack. I jumped back to avoid getting slashed by his weapon and he turned to fend off Michaelangelo before I had even regained my balance. Damn it! How could he be that fast? 

He sprang backward, away from Mike, and nearly ran me over. Somehow, I lost my balance in my haste to get out of the way. I fell, unable to regain my footing in time. Shredder glanced quickly, but could do nothing before Leonardo was upon him. He moved away from me and I took a breath, allowing myself a moment to compose. I didn't think about the pain. I knew better than that. I forced myself to my feet again just as he pushed Leo back and spun to face me. 

I stepped up and jabbed at his midsection with the tip of my _bo_. Before I connected, he brought the _katana _toward my weapon. It was what I had anticipated, and I curbed the attack up, diverting his eyes to what he figured was a retreat. I kicked, and made contact, while he was momentarily distracted. Without thinking, I spun, trying to get enough force to do some serious damage to his hand so that he would let go of the weapon. But my _bo _never connected with his knuckles. Not only did he see the attack coming, but he had his own ready. Jerking his hands up, he turned the sword on me, and nearly took my head off. Caught off guard and momentarily confused, I backed down, dropping and somersaulting to safety. 

**RAPHAEL:**

Weapons clanked together as metal met metal. The ringing in my ears amplified and I spun to avoid his attack. _Disarm him, Raph, _I instructed myself. _Make him drop the weapon... _

I dropped and kicked at his feet, but the real attack was at his right wrist. This would either work or it would _really _backfire. It was a chance I was willing to take. I caught his wrist between the prongs of the sai and spun behind him, jerking his arm. His other hand, holding his weapon, swung at me, and I ducked and spun underneath his arm, avoiding the attacks I knew would come. One hand locked with his, I jerked the sai and ripped the covering off of his wrist. Then I jumped back, retreating before he could register the attack. 

Shredder was right handed, and he would use that unprotected hand whether he meant to or not. My brothers understood, and they went for his other arm. Leo was the one who actually connected, slicing cleanly through the weak armor. The stronger armor , with the metal claws, had already been disposed of. Leo's _katana _hit skin, too, and blood ran. As I had expected, he instinctively shifted the sword to his unhurt hand. 

Before he fully realized what was happening, I attacked the inside of his wrist. I locked his hand in my weapon again. Then, oblivious to the danger, and curled into him. I could hear his breathing as I pressed to him. It was the closest I'd ever been to my enemy, and the anger that flowed between us was fierce. I reached for the pressure points in his wrist. His fingers spread wide as the pain registered and the weapon fell. I jerked away, sweeping my leg behind me. I caught him, and he stumbled back. I grabbed the sword off of the ground and, in the same, fluid movement, spun and kicked at his chest. He fell. 

I raced to him and rested my foot on his chest, holding his own weapon to his throat. Anger coursed through me as I breathed heavily, through gritted teeth. A few feet away from him, Katarina's blood spilled in the dirt. Outside the razor fence, Madonna's. We had defeated him, and I had every right and reason to kill him. 

"No," Leonardo said. 

I glanced at him. _Why?_

Anger raged in his eyes. _Madonna..._

Yes. Madonna. And it was Leo's battle as much as mine. _Please... _he pleaded silently. 

I stepped off of Shredder, keeping the tip of the _katana _at his throat. 

"Take Kat and leave," Leo ordered. "And if I'm not there in an hour, go without me." 

His voice was cold and hard, like I had never heard it before. His hand slipped over mine, and he took control of the sword. I watched him as I stepped back. I knew what he was going to do, and I had no right to try and stop him. I had no right to say anything, as I backed away. 

The anger faded as I knelt next to Katarina. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leo and Shredder, still as statues. Kat was cut from her left shoulder, across her breasts, to just beneath them on her right side. Her breathing came shallow, and I touched the side of her face, hoping for a reaction. I wanted her to open her eyes, but that wasn't going to happen. I picked her up as gently as I could. 

And I left. Mike and Don followed me, weapons still drawn in case anyone tried to challenge us. I doubted anyone would. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Leo step back, dropping Shredder's _katana _on the ground next to him. He backed a few feet away, and assumed an opening stance as his enemy rose. 

**LEONARDO:**

Using the _iai _draw, I deflected the _shaken _he threw at me, letting reflexes control my movements. I didn't have time to be shocked. _Dammit, Leo, he's a _ninja_, remember? Why the hell _wouldn't _he have other weapons? _On my guard now, I braced myself for battle. Our _katana _clashed together in the Fire and Stones cut, shuddering both our bodies with the force of it. I knew of no other weapon that could survive the force of such an impact. 

Then, tip of his sword was in my face, and I attacked. With minimal motion, he slashed my _katana _to the side, riding it away from him. He stood with the sword high above his head in the upper attitude. I struck forward, and he simultaneously cut down. As he lowered his sword, I cut downward, blocking his attack. But in that same instant, he broke free of the block and nearly slashed across my shoulders. 

I jumped back, but immediately returned. I didn't want to give him a chance to put me on the defensive. I attacked his right side, and he assumed the left-side attitude. I anticipated his attack, and blocked it. But he slid gracefully into the upper attitude. 

There was no time to _see _I was defenseless. But I felt it. I had about a hundredth of a second to register the attack he was preparing for; and another hundredth to react. A downward strike on my head would be a killing blow. Knowing instinctively that I was unable to raise my arm fast enough, I used my leg to powerfully push off the ground, spinning out of the way. I felt a sharp pain in my arm and saw Shredder's _katana _streaked with a thin line of blood. _My _blood. 

And suddenly, I felt weak. My arms grew heavy and my vision became blurred. I jumped back, surprised and confused. It wasn't the pain. I barely _felt _the pain over the adrenaline high. He attacked, and I blocked him. We were locked in a reverse tug-of-war, our swords crossed between us. I could hear the sound of my breathing ring in my ears. Another sound... a quiet, steady chant. Breathe out... I looked in his eyes and saw blackness. Behind his eyes, he laughed at me. Breathe in... those words he was murmuring... Oh god. The _Kobudera_. The black magic that most _Kan-aku na ninja _would not touch. 

I pushed away from him, nearly toppling over backward in the process. I could feel the darkness closing in on the world around me. Another attack, and I fell. I stared up at him, breathing hard as he glared down at me. "And for all your training, you can do nothing against the simplest attack of evil..." he taunted. 

**MICHAELANGELO:**

We were a safe distance from the compound when we stopped. I watched the distant fence for any signs of a coming retaliation as Raph laid Kat in the grass and Donny looked for something to tie around her and slow the bleeding. There was really nothing we could use. Her shirt was an option, but I didn't want to be the one to try and get it off of her. The more she moved, the more she bled. It was best not to try and undress her. 

"Kat!" Raph whispered, shaking her gently. "Kat, wake up. Come on, babe." 

She moaned again and choked. We watched, helpless, as she coughed weakly. Her eyes still closed, she moaned something incoherent. "Have to go home..." she gasped. "Freed... Had to... No..." 

"She's losing blood fast," Donatello pointed out. "We need to get her to the hospital if we can." 

"No..." Kat whispered, her voice weak. "I can't..." 

"April can take her in," I suggested. "I don't think she can walk in by herself." 

"No!" Kat said again, raising her hands. She gasped in pain and gripped the sides of Raphael's plastron. She _was_ awake. Her eyes fluttered open and she stared up at Raph, her teeth clenched. "He'll kill... me..." 

She coughed, her body convulsing, and her hands dropped. Raphael laced his fingers in hers and I saw her squeeze hard. "Please," she gasped. Then, in a whisper, "Please..." 

She was gone again, I knew. Donny and I exchanged glances. "Not that I want to be... pessimistic about this," Donatello struggled. "But if Shredder does survive his fight with Leo, he very well may come after her. As a matter of vengeance if nothing else." 

"If he wants her, the first place he'll look is the hospital," I continued. 

"And we can't just take her there and take her away," Don added. "They'll want to keep her overnight at least." 

"Should've killed the bastard when I had the chance," I mumbled under my breath. 

"No..." Kat whispered. "Please... don't touch me..." 

She moaned again, turning her head. "She's hallucinating," Donny informed us. "We gotta do something, fast." 

"Can you...?" I started, looking at Donny. 

Don breathed deep. "Yeah, I could. But not here. If we can get her back to the city..." 

"Come on," Raphael urged. "Let's try and get to that house." 

**LEONARDO:**

Somewhere inside of me, I knew how to fight this. I remembered the question... _"Then are we powerless against the _Kobudera?" Master Splinter had said no. I remembered that. What else? What more had he said? 

The ringing in my ears deafened me. My arms felt like lead weights. Beneath my hand, I felt cold metal lying flat on the ground. I felt him move, and forced my arms to react, blocking his _katana _in a feeble attempt at self-preservation. I felt as if I would collapse again under the weight of it. And suddenly, the words rushed back to me. 

_"" _

_"Hai, sensei," I affirmed. "kenjutsu ryu, and is considered by students even today to be the Sword Saint." _

_Master Splinter nodded slowly. ""_

A thousand things bore down on me. I breathed, reaching into some hidden place deep inside of me, where self-sacrifice overcame the instinctive urge for self-preservation. It was the body's reaction, to feel weak, to run away. But through Musashi's teaching, by forcing myself to accept any and all pain and agony with willingness, thus I swept at Shredders feet and sprang to mine as he jumped back. 

The confusion rang in my mind; I welcomed it and pressed on. My enemy was caught off guard, surprised by my strength. I lashed at him, simultaneously releasing the _shurieken _I held between my fingers. They had been Kat's, and had fallen from her belt as she collapsed. He wasn't expecting it, and as we were a mere seven feet apart, had no time to react. The stars plunged into his chest, and his eyes went wide. 

I breathed hard as the world came into focus again. Shredder stood staring at me, an invisible fire coursing through him. The sword dropped from his fingers and I clenched my teeth. I didn't have to strike him. Whatever Katarina had on those _shurieken _was more than powerful enough. I felt blood run from my arm, but didn't feel pain. Sweat dripped from my forehead. I stood, unmoving, as he dropped to his knees. His eyes were locked on mine and I knew I didn't have to say a word. _Madonna..._

And as he fell to the dirt, he knew why. 

**DONATELLO:**

I tried the door. It was locked. I stepped back and kicked it, right above the handle. It flew open, splintering wood. A mouse scurried across the floor. The room had furniture, old and broken, but there wasn't much else to look at. A thick layer of dust rested over everything. Katarina moaned. "No... please... didn't mean to..." 

"We need boiling water," I directed. "See if the stove works. If not, there's a fireplace." 

Raph glanced around nervously. "We can't get too comfortable here," he warned. 

I stared at him as he laid Katarina on the sofa. I cringed at the thought of what kinds of infection could be lurking in those cushions. "She is going to die, Raphael," I informed him. "In all honesty, I'm surprised she hasn't already. If we don't stop this bleeding, now, she doesn't stand a chance." 

Mike and I both looked to him and he sighed. "Alright," he mumbled. "Fire." 

Another presence entered the room and we all spun around drawing weapons. "It's okay!" April cried. "It's me." 

She saw Kat, and gasped. "Get me some kind of towel or something," I instructed, kneeling next to Katarina. Both of my brothers were gone in a flash, and April kneeled next to me. 

"Is she...?" 

"She's alive," I sighed. "For the moment." 

Mike returned and handed me a pillow case. A concerned look was on his face. "There's _nothing _here," he mumbled. 

Again, I cringed, as I took the cloth. It was filthy. I knew I was going to get this gash infected. There was no question in my mind. But I had to stop the bleeding, first and foremost. I turned the pillowcase inside out and pressed the cloth to the bleeding wound on her chest. She moaned. 

The stove didn't work, and there was no water. "There's some rainwater outside," April mumbled. 

After a great deal of havoc, we had a fire in the fireplace, and water was boiled. We soaked the few scraps of clothing in the house, and let them cool for a minute or so before using them to clean and dress the wound. We found dental floss, and boiled that. And I did as good as I could trying to stitch the wound closed with a needle that was larger than it should have been. Kat stopped bleeding, but she was far from being out of danger. 

**APRIL:**

Raphael stood at the window, staring out at the early morning. It was after 8:30. It had been almost two hours since they'd returned. I approached him slowly and he glanced over his shoulder before turning back. "You okay?" I whispered. 

He didn't answer. I rested a hand on his shoulder, and my chin on the back of my hand, my head close to his. It was time to ask him. "Where's Leonardo?" I questioned. 

For a long time, he was silent. Then he sighed deeply. "I don't know," he answered. "He stayed behind. To fight with him." 

"With Shredder?" 

He nodded, and I understood. Grief coursed through me as I closed my eyes, sharing his pain. "I'm sorry," I whispered. 

He breathed deep and glanced over his shoulder at Katarina. I saw Donny rise to his feet and come over to where we stood. He sighed, and looked out the window. "If we want to give her a chance," he mumbled, "we have to leave now. She needs a blood transfusion. Bad. And frankly, I don't think she's gonna make it all the way back to New York City." 

Raphael breathed deep. "Let's take her to a hospital." 

I cringed. "I checked on that," I sighed. "The map says the nearest hospital is about eighty miles away." 

Raph's eyes hit the floor. "If we're gonna try to take her that far, we might as well just take her back," Don mumbled. "I know what she needs, and I'm pretty sure I can do it. But not here." 

"Could we get supplies and... stop somewhere? A hotel or something?" 

Donatello stared at him. "No." 

"Why not?" 

"You can't pick up the supplies I need at Wal-Mart," he sighed. "I had a hell of a time trying to get what I have. You'd have to break into a hospital and that's gonna be hard with people always there." 

"You got your supplies from a veterinary hospital," Raph reminded him. "Why can't we go there?" 

Donatello was trying not to get annoyed. Raphael was trying not to get angry. The tension was mounting, and I wasn't sure how to stop it. "Okay, one, we have to have blood to put into her and if April does not have the same blood type, we have to find someone else. That's a little hard to do out here. So you would either need to go to a hospital for it, or go to a blood bank. And by the time you infiltrate a veterinary clinic and a blood bank in the middle of god-knows-where, when the nearest gas station is ten minutes away, she will be dead." 

Raph turned and hit the window frame. I jumped and backed away. "Dammit!" he whispered under his breath. 

"You have to make a choice, Raph," Donny mumbled. "I'm leaving it to you. We leave now and head for the city, and give her a chance; A_ chance_, mind you, not a guarantee. Or we stay here and wait for Leo." 

Oh god. 

Raph rested his head on his forearm, pressed against the frame. He closed his eyes and I heard his breathing come slow and measured. Mikey approached slowly. I knew he'd been listening to the fight. "You risked your life to save her, Raph," he reminded quietly. 

There was a long silence. "Fine," Raph whispered. "Take her. But I'm staying here." 

"No," Donatello answered. "We leave together or not at all." 

"_Together_?" Raph screamed, spinning around. "Leonardo is out there and if he survives...!" 

"Guys!" 

Mike's voice cut him off. All three of us turned as Leo stumbled into the clearing, blood running down his arm. He was holding the lifeless body of a woman. Immediately, the tension and the indecision vanished. Mike flew out the back door to his brother's side. I followed, not nearly able to keep up with him. 

"Are you alright?" I asked as Mikey took the woman from his arms. Leo nearly collapsed and I ducked under his arm. I heard his labored breathing and felt hot, sticky blood cover me. We took him straight to the van, and Raph met us there with Kat. Donny brought the last of the steaming, wet cloths out of the abandoned house, and we sped away as he climbed into the back of the van and tended to Leo's wound. 


	20. Amends

**Amends**

**LEONARDO:**

I knocked lightly on the door before cracking it open. The room was dark. A candle on the bedside table cast eerie shadows over the walls... and the bed where the two of them lay. She was covered by a pile of blankets, but he was on top of them. Her body temperature was still dangerously low, I knew. Multiple space heaters had turned Raphael's room into a furnace. But he hadn't left her side in the four hours since she'd laid down to rest. The transfusion had gone well. Luckily, April had been able to donate. It saved us the time and trouble of having to find someone else. 

Kat was on her back and Raph was beside her with his back to me, his arm resting on top of the blankets and holding her close. He turned as I entered the room, and I shut the door behind me. "I... wanted to talk to you," I stammered. "Both of you." 

He propped his head up on his elbow and I walked to the foot of the bed so that he wouldn't have to turn so much to see me. "Is she awake?" I asked. 

Raph glanced down at her and brushed her hair away from her face. "On and off," he answered quietly. "I don't think she's really come fully out of it yet." 

"Donny said it would take a while," I reminded him. 

"Yeah," he sighed. "I know." He glanced up. "How's your arm?" 

"Okay," I answered. "I still feel kind of weak." 

He nodded and looked down again. I took a deep breath as he ran his hand over her still body. "You slept with her. While we were gone." 

It wasn't an accusation. It was more of a question. And he didn't deny it. He said nothing. I breathed deep. "When I was chained up," I started, "I had a lot of time to think. And I know you too well to think you weren't sleeping with her." 

"No, Leo," he sighed. "You're wrong." 

I stared at him for a moment. "You didn't?" 

"No." 

I let that sink in for a minute. "But you're in love with her." 

"Yes." 

He watched me for a moment before looking back down at Katarina. "I talked to Madonna while I was there. She told me. About Kiara." He tensed noticeably, but I decided to pretend like I hadn't seen it. "And then, it really bothered me. I was really worried about you. I mean, it was like my worst fears come true. But all I could really do was hang from those chains and hope that maybe, somehow, you'd... I don't know... listen to me for once? But I know you didn't, and I guess I knew it then." 

A hardened look crossed his face as he stared up at me. _No, Raph, come on, _I pleaded silently. _Please don't fight with me. Just let me get this all out. _He said nothing. Kat moaned softly and his attention fell to her. "Anyway, my point is..." I continued, not giving him a chance to protest. "I realize that for all my begging and pleading and fighting with you for all these years, it's no credit of mine that you're still alive. And when I realized that, I had to think about who was responsible." 

He ran his fingers lightly over the side of her face and I sighed. "I know who she is," I mumbled. Raph placed a protecting arm around her. "And I know what she did. But I also know why she did it. And when all is said and done, she chose to be disowned by her family rather than to betraying you. And she laid her life on the line for us." I hesitated for a moment, considering my words. "_That's _love," I finally whispered. 

Katarina breathed slow, amazingly still under the blankets. The room was silent. Sweat dripped from my forehead at the incredible heat. I let the silence continue for a moment before I took a deep breath. "I know this probably doesn't mean anything to you but, for what it's worth..." I caught his eye. The cold, hard look was gone. "You two have my blessing." 

He stared at me for a moment, saying nothing. He almost looked like he was shocked. Then he glanced down at Katarina. He avoided my gaze for several seconds and I looked toward the door. "I should go," I mumbled. "She needs to rest." He said nothing and I headed for the exit. 

Glancing over my shoulder, I saw him kiss her lightly. Satisfied that she was in good hands, I walked out of the room and left the two of them alone. 

**KATARINA:**

God, it was hot. Was I dead? I opened my eyes slowly and felt a dull pain across my chest. I was alive. I felt pretty good, actually, all things considering. I wondered how long I'd been asleep. I knew it was a long time, because I distinctly remembered at least a dozen times, waking up in pain. But I wasn't in much pain right now. I wondered if I was on morphine, or something like it. No, I felt fully alert. And that was something I hadn't felt in... forever. I didn't know how long. 

The clock next to the bed read 9:00. Was that a.m. or p.m.? I wasn't sure. I felt warmth from the body next to me and turned my face to him. He was asleep, sweat dripping down his face. I smiled. In the hours I had slipped in and out of consciousness, not once did I find myself alone. He was always there, at my side. I ran my fingers down his hard chest, wondering if he could feel the touch. I didn't want to disturb him, but I wanted to be closer to him. And I wanted it to cool off in here! 

I kicked off the blankets, realizing that I was half-naked. I remembered waking up a few times in a warm bath, Raphael at my side, whispering something about my body temperature. I looked down at the dressings on my chest. The wound was long, all the way across my chest. I was surprised it didn't hurt more. Raphael stirred next to me, and his arm slid across my stomach. His hand came to rest lightly on my hip. I glanced at his closed eyes and moved slowly and carefully to rest my head under his chin. I closed my eyes. It was hot, but I was comfortable resting in his embrace. "How do you feel?" he whispered. 

I jumped, startled. I hadn't realized he was awake. He laughed quietly and nuzzled his face in my hair. "Better," I answered as my heartbeat returned to normal. "A _lot _better. Hot as hell, though." 

I felt his fingers rub back and forth over my skin. "I'm sorry I woke you," I breathed. "I didn't mean to." 

"No, it's alright," he assured me. 

"Can you make it any cooler in here?" 

He pulled away from me and stood to his feet. There were _seven _space heaters in the room, and he flicked them off one by one. "God, no _wonder _it's so hot!" 

"Mmm," he acknowledged. "I'll be right back." 

He left, leaving the door open. The heat swept out of the room and I laid back. I didn't care that I had kicked the covers onto the floor. At the moment, I didn't care much about anything. I heard talking in another room, and identified the voices. Mike and Donny. I wondered where Leo was. 

Raph returned a moment later, and laughed to himself. "Sorry," he mumbled, closing the door. 

"S'okay," I assured him. "It let some of the heat out. Felt good." 

He set up the fan he'd brought back with him, and returned to the bed. It creaked as he laid next to me. I felt a cool, damp cloth on the side of my face and smiled. "How's that feel?" he questioned. 

"Great," I whispered back. 

He wiped away the thin layer of sweat on my neck and I turned my head. I considered everything that had happened in the past... what? Hours? Days? I had no concept of time. "How long...?" I stammered. 

"You've been in and out for six days." 

"Six days," I repeated as he ran the cloth down my arm. 

"Yeah." 

Six days, he was by my side. "Thank you," I whispered. 

"For what?" 

"For everything." 

I felt him kiss my forehead. "I love you," he told me, still moving the cooling rag over my body. 

He left the cloth resting on my stomach and his hand found the side of my face. His thumb rubbed back and forth gently over my cheek. He smiled and I sighed as I looked away. "I was so wrong, Raphael," I mumbled, the guilt hitting me like a ton of bricks. "And I'm so sorry." 

He pulled my head to him gently and I buried my face in his neck. "I forgive you," he whispered back. 

"How could you forgive me?" I questioned. "I can't even forgive myself." 

He nuzzled me gently and I melted into him, pressing my lips to his neck. "I forgive you," he assured me. "We all do." 

"Speak for yourself," I sighed. 

"I can speak for my brothers," he corrected. "I know them. And I know that they can see repentance just as clearly as I can." 

I closed my eyes and breathed against his skin. "Repentance," I repeated softly. There was a moment of silence as I considered the word. It seemed rather hypocritical of him. "Raphael?" 

"Yeah?" 

"I think you should talk to Leo." 

He was quiet for a moment. "About what?" 

"Tell him... what you told me. About when Splinter died. And tell him that you're sorry." 

He caught his breath, and I knew the concept was not new to him. He'd considered it before. He just hadn't done it yet. "He'll forgive you," I assured him. 

He was still and silent. I didn't move. Finally, he spoke. "I know," he whispered. "And I guess that's what bothers me." 

"Why?" I questioned. "You're not any less deserving of his forgiveness than I am." 

"I can't change overnight, Kat." 

"I don't think he'd expect you to." 

There was a long silence. I sighed, feeling his hands run over my body. "And when you talk to him, I want you to tell him something. About Madonna." 

"What?" 

I closed my eyes, considering the words before I spoke. "I want you to let him know that she really _did _love him. Just in case he doesn't know that." 

He was silent for a moment. "Seems like that would just make it worse," he mumbled. "That he'll never see her again." 

"Maybe for the moment. But it won't make him bitter, like the betrayal would." 

"She _did _betray him, Kat. And to the best of my knowledge, she was never sorry for that." 

I pulled away from him and our eyes locked. "Let me tell you something about Madonna. And you be careful about sharing this with Leonardo. She was _thirteen _when my father decided that he wanted her. And when she refused him, he drugged her and he raped her." He stared at me with a confused look on his face. "And he manipulated her into telling her father about it, like she had wanted it. Her father gave his consent, and really, his command, that the two of them should be married." 

Raph's eyes widened. He hadn't been expecting that. I couldn't say that I blamed him. "She was _married _to him?" 

I nodded. "Is that so hard to believe?" 

He glanced away. "Well, uh, no, I guess not. I just... never thought of him as ever being married. Doesn't seem to fit his... MO." 

"It was a one-way commitment," I sighed. "The only reason he did it was to make sure she wouldn't turn on him. And it worked. When her father died, his dying words to her were that she should respect her husband." 

I looked away. "She was always so enamored with the concept of honor. And she believed that by respecting her father, she was protecting his honor, and her own. It was sick, twisted. But she got sucked into it." My eyes met his again. The shock had died down. "And she got sucked into the relationship with Leo, too. She didn't want to love him. And she was totally unprepared when she found out that he loved her." 

I sighed, remembering her anguish as she weighed her love against her responsibilities. "She told me about it," I choked, "and how shocked she'd been. She never meant for it to happen. Because she knew she could never be with him. And the sin that really bothered her was not the adultery itself, but the fact that she could never tell Leo about it. That she felt like she was using him." 

He sighed. "That's sad," he concluded. 

"But he needs to know that she did what she did to fulfill her father's last request. She had no respect for Shredder, but she _did _honor her father's dying wish. It wasn't an easy decision for her to make. She loved your brother, Raph." 

He looked away. I settled next to him again, feeling the cool breeze from the fan sweep over my exposed body. I thought about all the things I wanted to say, but remained silent. His arm slipped under my head and I rested peacefully in his arms. My thoughts drifted back to my father. 

"Is he dead?" I asked. 

Raphael was quiet for a moment. "I don't know. I assume so, but Leo won't say for sure." 

I sighed and let my mind wander. "You know what bothers me the most about this whole thing?" I mumbled, deciding to be perfectly honest. 

"Hmm?" 

"It's that he was right." 

I paused and considered the words. They weren't said with any bitterness or anger. It was a simple fact that I had accepted. "'Bout what?" 

"My whole life, my father told me that the fact that I was a woman made me weak. That my emotions would get in the way of anything important I tried to do." 

"That has nothing to do with your sex," he mumbled. 

"Yeah, it does," I sighed. "And it really..." 

"Then how do you explain Madonna?" he interrupted. 

I fell silent. I couldn't explain Madonna. He shifted, propping himself up on his elbow as he looked down on me. "She didn't let her emotions get in the way of what she had to do," he continued. "And he killed her for it." 

That was only half true. She still felt all the things he said she would, even if she didn't give in to them. And it was those feelings that he had killed her for. But I didn't want to argue with Raphael. He ran his fingers over the side of my face. "And tell me, Kat," he whispered. "What emotions was he talking about? Is love one of them? Because in that case, I'm not any stronger than you are." 

I smiled up at him and raised my hand to his neck, lost in his eyes. Love. He loved me, like no one else ever had. I felt contentment spread over me as I looked up at him. I could spend the rest of my life like this and die happy. "Raphael," I whispered his name. 

We stared at each other for a long, quiet moment before he finally leaned down and captured my lips. I felt heat surge through me. I remembered just how close to death I had come. More than once, in fact. This time with him seemed so much more precious now. I'd never thought I would feel this again. God, it felt so good! 

"Let him think he's stronger than us," he breathed, his lips still brushing mine. "And know that he could never be as strong alone..." Another kiss. A soft moan escaped from somewhere deep inside of me. "...as we can be together." 

His hand rested against the side of my neck, massaging gently as he kissed the side of my mouth. "When you feel better," he whispered. "I want you to do something for me." 

"What's that?" 

"I want you to marry me." 

I stared at him, dumbfounded. "I don't just want one night with you, Kat," he explained. "Not a month, or a year. I want you forever." 

I couldn't speak. He brushed his thumb over my cheek. The look in his eyes was serious, searching me. "Forever, Kiara." 

Hearing him use my real name emphasized the seriousness of the words. Forever. I smiled at the thought. "You're _proposing _to me?" I stammered. 

"Yes," he answered, seriously. 

I was thrown totally off guard, and I felt my eyes get wide. He studied me carefully for a moment and, in the silence that followed, looked down at my body beneath him. He ran his hand down my arm and took my hand. "I can't give you a house or a car or normal children," he whispered. "And I can't take you to a church, with a priest and a party of witnesses. Hell, I can't even take you out to dinner. But I..." He hesitated and glanced away for a moment. "When I thought I might lose you..." His eyes met mine again. "Kat, I don't ever want to lose you. So I'm asking you, seriously." He swallowed hard, as if he were choking on the words. "Marry me. Let God and his angels be witnesses. And I'll treat you better than any man you'll ever meet." 

I caught my breath. My god, he _was _serious. I felt tears sting my eyes as I drank in his words. Forever. A million thoughts flooded my mind. How long had I known him? And yet it felt like I'd always known him. He knew me better than anyone ever had. I loved him. And what was love for, if not to lead to a lifetime partnership? 

I stared up at his deep, boundless eyes. I didn't deserve him. I didn't even come _close _to deserving him. He was so... what? Innocent? That, he wasn't. And I knew him well enough to have discovered that he didn't claim to be good, or pure. The most he could do was admit that he was a jackass. Not unlike the way I felt, right now. But I loved him, regardless. 

Forgiving. That was the word. Regardless of what he'd done in his life, the people he'd hurt, those who'd hurt him, he wasn't as hardened as I'd first thought. There was so much more that nobody saw. That he wouldn't _let _anyone see. But he'd opened his heart, and his mind, to me. And I'd hurt him, too. I didn't deserve him. I didn't deserve to be in his arms. I didn't deserve forever. 

I felt hot tears streaming from my eyes. He didn't move. He didn't _breathe_. He was watching me, waiting for my answer. How could he love me that much? How could he ask for my life, and my problems? He could have my body, he could even have my heart, and he could walk away at any time. But he didn't want that. He wanted forever. 

Forever. The word rang in my ears, over and over. To wake up every morning in his arms. To fall asleep every night in his bed. To live my entire life and never love anyone else. Only him. God, I wanted that. I wanted that more than anything. 

"Yes," I whispered, catching my breath on the word. I closed my eyes. "Yes. Forever." 

I heard him sigh, and surrendered my life to him. He took it gently from my hands... and he kissed me. 

**RAPHAEL:**

I couldn't tell what he was thinking, as he knelt by her grave. He touched the dirt gently, as if he could touch her through it. The stillness in the clearing was uninterrupted by my presence. If he knew I was there, he chose to say nothing. 

He had spent the past few days here. After Kat was home and being cared for, he had asked April to drive him here, to bury her. I'd only seen him once since then. April drove him back to the city, when she had to go to work. Then he disappeared again. When he didn't come home for two days, I knew where he would be. After a few more days, and after Kat was out of bed, we all went for a long drive. I couldn't explain how I knew he'd be here, any more than I could explain how he'd _gotten _here. But I knew. And I wasn't surprised. 

He bowed his head, resting his hand on the earth. He looked broken, and I thought I had never seen him so... sad. Perhaps he had been, when Splinter died. I wouldn't know. I was numb through those days, and oblivious to the world around me. Which was why I had come here. 

I stepped out into the clearing, the stealth skills implementing themselves without my assistance. He didn't look up, and I hesitated. I didn't want to startle him, and I wasn't entirely sure if I was welcome. 

My presence met his in the middle of the gap between us. Our spirits mingled for a moment, acquainting with each other. _It's okay_, he assured. _You can come closer._

I approached slowly and stood behind him. The fresh dirt rose above the rest of the ground. His head was bowed, his eyes downcast. He didn't say word. The silence was not to be broken. It was sacred, and I could feel that. For once, I respected it. I _had _to respect it. His pain was evident, and I didn't want to add to it. 

I sat down next to him, crossing my legs in front of me. His eyes were closed, and I saw fresh tears on his cheeks. I looked away, out of respect for him. He wouldn't want me to see him cry. The strong leader, the one we were supposed to look up to... and he was broken before me. I didn't feel right about witnessing his weakness. But at the same time, I didn't want to leave him alone here. 

I looked down at the grave that he and my other brothers had dug, while I watched over Kat. I hadn't known Madonna. I'd only seen her once. I bit back the painful remorse for my actions that night. Just one more thing I had to be sorry for. 

I heard a dove somewhere nearby. It cooed gently, it's sound carried on the morning breeze. Leo didn't move. He was so still, he could be mistaken for a statue. I swallowed hard and cut my eyes back to the ground. "I'm sorry," I whispered. 

There was a moment of stillness. "It's not your fault," he finally answered. 

"No, Leo, I mean..." I looked up at him again. "I'm _sorry_." 

He hesitated for a moment, then glanced up. His eyes met mine and I thought of all the things I had to say to him. "I'm sorry for the way I treated Splinter. And for the way I've treated you since he died." I looked away. These words were hard to say. "And I'm sorry about Madonna. And the way I acted. I..." I choked. I wasn't good at this. I'd never apologized like this before. "I had no right," I finally finished, cutting my gaze back to him. 

He studied me carefully for a moment, his face emotionless. Finally, he forced a smile and I felt his hand rest on mine. "S'okay, Raph," he assured me. The pain in his voice cut my heart and the smile fell from his face. His eyes fell again, and his hand pulled away. 

I took a deep breath. "Kat wanted me to tell you," I started, feeling my stomach tie in knots. "Just in case you didn't know... She wanted me to tell you that Madonna..." I paused. I still wasn't sure I should say this. I hoped it wouldn't make it worse for him. "Madonna loved you." 

He didn't respond, so I continued. "She told me... some things." I shook my head as I considered telling him everything. I wasn't _that _stupid. That _would _hurt him. "Just trust me, Leo," I mumbled. "She did what she did because she _really _felt she had to. But she loved you." 

He swallowed hard and turned his face away. "I know," he whispered. 

It was quiet for a moment. I considered leaving, but decided against it. When he wanted me to leave, he'd tell me. Until then, I wanted to offer him as much support as possible. 

"She told me once," he whispered, "That she would die to prevent herself from coming to dishonor." He paused. "But she believed that she would die upholding what she believed in." 

"And she did," I assured him. 

He hung his head, and said nothing. I didn't know what he was feeling, but I could guess. I'd been through heartbreak before, and I remembered the loneliness that came along with it. Lectures about how I never should've fallen in love didn't help, and I knew that was all I could get from my brothers. So I'd fought my battles alone. But I wouldn't put Leo through that. I was done with vengeance. It hadn't given me any relief, only more problems. 

There was a long silence. He buried his fingers in the dirt and I heart him catch his breath, choking back tears. "Raph?" he whispered. 

"Yeah?" I answered, concerned. 

"How do you do it?" 

"Do what?" 

"You fall in love, get hurt, stay bitter for a while, then you fall in love again." He glanced up and caught my eye. There were tears clouding his vision, and he blinked them away. "You've been doing it for years. And I don't understand how when... I've never felt pain like this." 

For the first time in all the years I could remember, I saw how weak he could really be. Through every trial we had faced, he had always been the one to pull us together. He'd directed our steps, even when it pissed me off, and stayed strong through everything. He was strong against the pressures and tragedies of life, and against me. But this pain had broken him. Instinctively, I wanted to protect him. I wanted to fight his demons, like he had fought mine for so many years. To step out in front and take the brunt of the attack. But I didn't know how. 

"Even when Splinter died," he continued, "there was a... resolve to it. A peace. There was nothing left unsaid between..." 

My own harsh memories sprang to mind. There was so much I'd left unsaid when Splinter died. Leo must have sensed my uneasiness, because he stopped that thought from escaping his lips. He closed his eyes and sighed deeply. "I still don't fully understand... what she died for," he mumbled. "I don't know... what she believed in. She turned her back on me, but I still believe... I _have _to believe that she died for a reason. For..." 

"Love?" I offered. 

He hung his head. "It's foolish, isn't it? Even _I _know it's stupid for me to feel this way." 

"No," I assured him, placing a hand on his shoulder. "It's not." 

He opened his eyes and glanced up at me. "She _did _love you, Leo. I believe that. And yes, I believe she died for that love, knowing full well what she was dying for. I'm just sorry she didn't tell you." 

He said nothing and I stood up. I walked a few steps, then remembered something else I still had to say. "And Leo." I stopped and turned to face him again. He looked up. "When you said that earlier, about your blessing on me and Kat not meaning anything. I just want you to know that you were wrong." He shot me a questioning glance. "That means a lot to me." We stared at each other. "And if you need anything, if there's anything I can do, just let me know." 

I didn't wait for a response. I turned and walked away, passing by the indistinctly marked grave where my father rested. I paused and waited for the pain and anger, but was surprised to find that it did not come. A familiar presence nearby made me turn, and I saw Mike approach behind me. For a moment, I wondered how long he had been there. Then I realized, I really didn't care. 

Standing next to me, he didn't say a word. I thought that was odd, but I was grateful. The two of us stared down at the earth, and I felt his arm circle my shoulders. "Come on, bro," he finally mumbled. "Pizza, beer, and a movie. Whaddaya say?" 

I smiled to myself. "You don't like beer," I reminded him. 

"The invitation was for you, dude, not me," Mike grinned. 

I cast a glance over my shoulder at where I'd left Leo, but he was gone. He'd want to be alone. I wasn't about to go looking for him. "April called in sick to work so we can stay here the night," Mike informed me. "She says she knows of a place about ten miles away where we can get..." 

As I left the miniature graveyard, listening to the playful ramblings from my brother, I thought I heard a familiar voice on the wind... 

_I love you all... my sons._


End file.
